Being Nova!

Lately Aditya has begun playing a game where he becomes Henry, my Dad and takes me places such as the zoo or to pick up my brother from the school, usually in his car which is the mattress or the trampoline. My name is Nova at these times. I am 4 and he is 38. ( I sometimes have a brother who is 11 years old. He does not have a name, as yet:-)

Mother's Day Special!!

"Happy Mother's Day to you!" sung to the tune of "Happy birthday to you!" This was what I woke up to today. It was about 6 am. I had the urge to pull the sheets on my face and go back to bed. But this was too cute to ignore! What a way to start off Mother's Day!

Aditya came into our room and snuggled up with me, letting me know that he loved me. "Yes, baby! I love you too", I said sleepily. "Hey, look at me and say that!" Done, buddy! So much for demanding eye contact!

"Mom, I am hungry. Can I have some breakfast?" "Ok." "I am going to go brush my teeth and come down for breakfast." This sentence made me sit up in bed. He had , till today, never shown such agility and ability! I was still putting all of this together, when he announced that he was done brushing his teeth. "I will be down in a minute", I said, pulling myself out of bed. And there he was, waiting for me to pour milk in his bowl full of cereal!

What started as any other day, except for it being called Mother's day , turned out to be one of the best days!

Where are you, my friend?

Aditya was expecting a friend of his yesterday afternoon (a team member) and was all set to go back to the playroom. Excited and anxious, he kept monitoring the time. About 10 minutes later than the expected time of arrival, he couldn't stand it any more and asked, "Hey mom! Do you think she is not coming today?"
"Well, she didn't let me know, so I assume she'll be here soon."
"Can I call her and check?" He picked up the phone, dialled her number (Yes, he knows EVERYBODY'S phone numbers by heart) and spoke to her! "Hey, where are you?"

I found this incidence worth blogging about, as firstly, he has never dialled a phone by himself, and most importantly, he has never made such a quick decision and acted on it!

Till now, if somebody did not show up in time, he would keep asking us some of the following questions: Will she never come again? Did she get a new job? Is she sick? Will she stay home forever? I think he used to be pretty scared and upset with the thought that he wouldn't be meeting his friend. But now, he seems to have realised that there is something he can do rather than just being anxious!

Another First!

This week, Aditya played Chutes and Ladders for the first time! This is an important milestone as there were lots of uncertainties (who gets a chute next?), there was a shared object of attention, and there was lots of turn-taking. Most of all, he loved it, and asked to play Chutes and Ladders with the next volunteer!

Secrets!

It's been a long time, and we have come a long way too!

A few video feedback sessions, first with Kate, then with William have helped us tremendously in understanding the world Aditya is in, which he is constantly trying to compare to ours!

More on that at some other time... right now... just wanted to add this new social skill he has added to his arsenal:-)

Just this week it was time for a snack and both Aditya and Shreya were at the table. We had made sandwiches and the twins had just finished eating, when Aditya called me and said: I want to tell you a secret.

"What?" I was excited as I took my ear close to his mouth.

"Thank you for the sandwich" said a whispering voice, from a mouth decorated with bread crumbs, on a face that was blushing and naughty at the same time!

I once watched a YouTube video of an Australian couple doing Son-Rise titled "Less Autistic Every Week". I do not know if this is the stuff they were talking about, but it just pleases us beyond words when Aditya does something new, which he seems to do at least once in a couple of weeks now!

Signing off... a very pleased Dad!

Bumble bees and Honey bees are cousins!

Question: "Well, if you were a bumble bee and a bull sat on you what would you do?"

Answer: "You would sting him."

Those aren't just two lines from the story of "Ferdinand" the bull-- which by the way is Aditya's favorite!

(How interesting.... Ferdinand is a "special" bull who is different from his friends, who has no interest in fighting but instead sitting every single day under his favorite cork tree, quietly, smelling flowers!)

For a child with autism, a phrase from a book or a TV commercial often becomes what the child will say or ask pretty much any time of the day, seemingly with no regard for what's happening around!

In autism lingo, it is called "Echolalia", although I like to stay away from such words that tend to over-complicate the issue... something brought to the attention of our class by William, a wonderful senior Son Rise teacher! The child is not necessarily doing this because he does not know to say anything else. Certainly... Aditya can now speak on a LOT of different topics. But regardless of his reason to say it at that time, he is effectively wanting control over and predictability in his environment, including people in the environment.

That is how anything can quickly become a "control" issue for him. For example when he asks a question 5 times for whatever reason, and people start showing signs of frustration and want to run away or start re-directing him, it becomes a control battle, often leading to the child seeking even more control!

Aditya asked the question "Well.... if you were a bumble bee..." several times during this week, and after answering him a few times the way he liked, we tried some ways of redirecting him by answering his question differently!

GOSH... we were wrong, and the question continued! Then I reliazed: he really NEEDS the same exact answer he is looking for. It does not matter how many times he has asked already, or even that he has asked 2 minutes ago. If he looks like he needs that answer now, GIVE IT TO HIM!

So when he asked me again this morning:
"Well, if you were a bumble bee and a bull sat on you what would you do?"
I enthusiastically said: You would STING him.

Aditya's face lit up.

Then, to my surprise, he introduced an expansion himself: "And if a honey bee came there...?"

I could not believe this came so soon!

(Looking back, the only thing different today, was possibly, my attitude. I had no reservations in saying "You would sting him!" instead I was pretty much celebrating the fact in my mind that I was providing him with the answer he clearly wanted in order to find predictability.)

Equally delighted, I said: "she would ask the bumble be: it's boring under this cork tree.... do you want to come honey picking with me?"

Aditya liked the idea and said bumble bees and honey bees were cousins, and could go for a picnic.

And from there... we built a story of the two bees going out together to have fun!

Aditya proposed (with no prodding from me at all) that they carry bags of honey on their back! I agreed whole-heartedly celebrating him for his "planning"... now they can even visit their distant cousins in North Carolina (which is where Aditya's cousins live), without stopping at Detroit for food (where we had stopped when we visited them in North Carolina), instead they can just keep sucking honey from their honey-bags.

Aditya did seek control again, saying "Can we do that in 2012?" He was especially keen to do it on February 29, 2012. We agreed on that, and that we would meet again in 2016 on February 29.

Later, the bumble bee requested to meet on February 28, 2013 as 4 years is too much of a wait, to which Aditya said "Sure!"

Pursuit of Perfection!

The last two weeks felt unusual for most of Aditya's friends.

For the last two weeks Aditya has been mostly drawing and coloring with the help of his friends. He has mostly been refusing to play any other games.

While coloring and drawing, he
1) was rigid (e.g. he had to draw a perfect square on a sheet of paper with not a single crease)
2) was controlling (if he wanted us to erase and fix something he wanted it quick!)
3) was frustrated with small mistakes like he or his friend drawing an "oval" shaped face rather than a "circle" face, after which he would crumple and throw away the paper (we joined by making a ball of our paper and throwing it away with force)
4) sometimes cried about how he did not like mistakes and how we should not make them again
5) would sometimes ask "are mistakes ok?" This last question offered expansion opportunities. On one such occasion I said "mistakes are fine" in response to which he said "is stealing stuff bad?" to which I said "it's fine if you are stealing from a bully". This led to a 10 minute chat about a bully in my middle school and how I stole his candy and returned it to him the next day and spoke to him about how it felt to him, to teach him a lesson. Not sure if this was in accordance with Son Rise principles... but I just followed my gut feelings, and it worked surprisingly well as in the end Aditya was laughing about how we taught the bully a lesson.

This phase of "perfection or frustration", lasted for almost two weeks.

In the last 2 days, though, we are seeing a different Aditya.

Especially yesterday!

Yesterday was special, we think, as Aditya displayed greater than usual composure in face of unexpected changes ("randomization" during song selection on the music player inside the car).

The other remarkable thing he did yesterday, was coloring a computer-printed picture (NOT a picture he had himself drawn), while making sure the colors stayed inside the boundaries... another thing he has rarely done before!

It may not be obvious, but coloring a picture drawn by somebody else suggests he was not looking for control. This reduced need to control became even more apparent when he tried to keep the colors within the boundaries of the things he was coloring (which again, were boundaries set by someone else, not him).