Will you be my friend?

Today afternoon, I had been to our local Trader Joe's with Aditya. He was my "Manager" and had written down the shopping list before we left home. As my manager, he was to read out the list and direct me to where I was supposed to look for the next item. As we entered the store, he announced that he was too tired to walk and that he would be my "sitting manager" for today :) So we began shopping, with my manager ordering me around.

As I reached the sampling area, I asked my manager for a coffee break. The TJ crew member at the sampling station today was a jolly and friendly lady, who we have known for some time now. I had been thinking about this for some time now and today I decided to go ahead and talk to her about our program and how she would make an awesome volunteer. As I reached into my purse for our flyer, an idea just struck me: How cool would it be if Aditya could approach her, instead of me! So as I was sipping coffee, I asked him how he felt if he would have another Son-Rise friend.  (He knows that we have been looking for new team members for some time now. In fact, he had been asking me regularly if I was really trying my best to find a friend for him. He also periodically reminds me if I put ads on craigslist and sittercity.)

I enthusiastically asked him if he wanted to ask Ms. Demowoman to be his friend.
A: I don't think so .. how about you ask.
Mom: I could ask, but I think she might be more eager to play with you if you asked.
A: I don't think so.
Mom: Ok, if you say so. But I strongly feel that you asking might be a better idea, because she will see how cool a friend you can be!
A: I don't want to ask.
Mom: Thanks for telling me so clearly. I will not force you to ask. I will go talk to her, but I am curious as to why you are unwilling to ask.
A: Actually, I am scared. Scared that she will say no!
Mom: Wow! Thanks for sharing what you feel. You are a super friend to tell me how you feel. But why do you believe she would say no?
A: Because she is busy.
Mom: But we won't ask her to play now!
A: No, busy means she already works at Trader Joe's! So she won't have time to play with me.
Mom: That's great reasoning. But do you remember some of your friends who used to play with you after office hours and on the weekends?
A: Yes!
Mom: And if she cannot play, maybe she knows someone who has more time.
A: She could say No!
Mom: That's true, but she could also say YES! Remember when they had no stickers at TJ's last month. On the next visit, you were scared to ask for them. But when you actually did, they gave you 10 stickers. Just as with the stickers, it doesn't hurt to ask!
A: That's true, but I still don't want to.

With that, we proceeded  with our shopping. As we were done with the last item, Aditya said, I want to try!
Mom: What do you want to try?
A: Try asking her to be my friend!
With a lot of cheering, we went upto her and waited for the people ahead of us to go away, so we could talk to her in private. (Yes, Aditya was able to WAIT for 2 minutes!)

Then Aditya asked her if she could be her friend. She said,"yes, lets be friends, cutie pie!"  and gave him a big smile. Then I explained in brief about his autism and how far he has come. I also handed her a flyer. She read the tickles part, talked to him about it, took off her gloves and they had fun playing a game of tickles. She then told me that it wasn't a good time for her to something like this. We thanked her and proceeded to the checkout.

While waiting to reach the checkout, I spoke to Aditya about this experience and how he felt about her saying no. He told that he didn't really feel bad about it, but enjoyed the tickles just shared with her:) What an awesome opportunity to model it for him that it is the journey that we can enjoy, rather than being worried about the end result!