Christmas Humor!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! 

Read all about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grinch

This morning, Aditya had a different idea about using the word Grinch.  He said, "I am coming up with a joke.  I saw a Grinch in my dream. He was eating a French Fry.  I am going to call it the Grench Fry."

Aditya's sense of humor has always been great, but now he has started saying funny things to make conversations interesting.  

Hurray!!!

He "looks while talking" when motivated!

In our group meeting, the team agreed that Aditya's eye contact has dropped.  It is normal when he is listening to us.  However, he does not consistently look at us when he is talking to us.  It feels like he is talking "at" us.

We discussed a number of techniques to help inspire Aditya to look at us more while talking:
1. Joining
2. Celebrations
3. 3E's
4. Playing silly games where we sometimes run out of energy and then need to re-charge with "eye power"!

Aai and Baba also decided to take some games inside to inspire Aditya to "look while talking"

Yesterday, Baba went in with one such game, and Aditya welcomed it with lots of energy, excitement, and enthusiasm!  (He has been vocal about wanting the team to bring in some "eye power" games... so that he can master this goal:-)

In this game, Aditya and Baba sat on two sides of the room.

On one side was the easel with a marker pen.

Baba explained the game, and then Aditya got some "eye power" from Baba to kick start the game.  Right as he got charged with the eye power, he sprinted to the board and wrote down the first line of a story that we had not even begun making: "The rabbits lined up for school."  HE THEN LOOKED at Baba as he said the line back to him.

He darted back, and gave some eye power to Baba so he could take off and go to the board to add his line: "But  the doors were closed!"  Baba looked at Aditya with his eyes as he said both lines back to him, i.e. "The rabbits lined up for school. But  the doors were closed!"

Baba rushed back to his base, and gave some more eye power to Aditya, who went and expanded the story further, and said everything back to Baba while looking at him: "The rabbits lined up for school. But  the doors were closed! Why is it closed, the rabbits asked."

The rest of our story is captured and uploaded here for your pleasure:-) 

As the story began to grow in size,  he started finding it challenging to recall all those lines.  So we introduced the neurotypical trick of looking some at the board, then looking at the listener, then looking back at the board to read the next line, and so on!

As we often find out in the playroom.... it is a question of motivation.  When he is at the top of his motivation, he will gladly look at other human beings while talking to them. 

So the real question is.... are we loving, accepting, listening to, and looking at our super-hero when he talks about his fascinations like the super-cool imaginary ADAX car company and its products?

Aditya and Shreya now have a plan for their mornings!

When Aai flew away for her week long training program,  Aditya, Shreya, and Baba had a discussion about how to have the best, easiest, most fun-filled week... to the best of our ability.

We agreed that we all get unhappy in the mornings when we do "last minute scrambling" before leaving for school... i.e. "I really need to leave now but I cannot remember where I left my jacket yesterday".   In other words, we believed we could have an EASY time getting ready in the morning if we planned what we were going to do in the morning.

The twins decided to take action!  They made a To-Do list for the mornings.  The list had:
1. Refill water bottle
2. Pack a snack (usually a fruit like an apple)
3. Eat his Pro-biotic and his Triphala (for Aditya)
4. Comb hair (Shreya)
5. Get Baba to apply coconut oil or "the balm" on his skin (Aditya)
6. Get Baba to pack lunch
7. (Find and wear your) Socks and shoes
8. (Find and wear your) Winter jacket

The twins loved making the list, and then had FUN checking off things to do from the list every morning of that week.  They liked it so much,  they are still doing it every morning (even as Aai... and hence sanity.. has returned)!

Some other amazing things they did:
1. prepare and pack their own rice cracker sandwiches for the thanksgiving feast held in school
2. play with each other when Baba was cooking or cleaning... without ever getting into a fight 
3. show extreme flexibility and patience with baba's cooking skills:-)

Aditya's letter to SON RISE!

First in this series.... the letter that Aditya wrote to his Son Rise program facilitator friends at Option Instittute, Sheffield, MA.  Aai was at Option Institute for her New Frontiers training program, which is when she hand-delivered this beautiful letter!
Last year in November, these same amazing people gave their heart and soul as they worked on inspiring Aditya to play
1. 6 and 7 year old games like beyblades
with
2. 6 and 7 year old kids at his school!

The letter says:

 "11/7/12
Dear Son Rise friends!!! Thanx For The 2 Intensive & 1 Outreach. How are you Doing? I Am Doing Good. I play beyblade's now! I go to 1st grade! I Have 2 friend's At School!!! There Names Are... Kelly & Alisa. They Are 2 girls in my Class In 1st Grade Like me. Why I Told you This Is Cause my class Has 1st & 2nd grade. It's A 1/2 class. bye, Aditya"

"Don't draw... I think I get it."

This happened over the weekend when Aditya was playing with his Son Rise volunteer friend Arjun.

Aditya has had a challenge flowing with physical or even "on your feet" activities for almost two years.   He oftentimes decides to stop playing and starts asking deep philosophical "how would you feel" questions that the other person is usually not interested in answering during that moment of play. 

But on this last Sunday... it was Arjun who took a 1 second break from their pretend play game of a cross country road trip in order to explain a concept on the easel. 

"I think I get it", quickly said Aditya, suggesting to Arjun that they do not waste time drawing, and instead move on with their exciting journey to their next destination!!! Woo Hoo!

A minute later, he asked Arjun to put the car in the "drive" mode. When Arjun misunderstood and began to drive the car, he HURRIED to TAP Arjun ON HIS HANDS thereby asking Arjun to stop doing that, and then used words to say, "No, just put it in the drive mode".

Aditya was using his body to communicate!  Woo-Hoo!

A little later, when they reached an imaginary car shop, he decided to pull the foam roll that was lying around on the floor, and started rotating it and calling it a tire making machine!  Did I already say it... WOO HOO!!!

Hot off the press

Lots of stories to share, tons to write, plenty to do .. A quick update is what I decided.

Yesterday I went for a lunch date with my husband, close to his workplace, about a 40 minute drive away from home. After lunch, I left to pick up the kids from school, with more than enough time for the drive back. But there was accident on the freeway and traffic had come to a standstill. I called up a parent from Shreya's class and asked her to pick up the kids and wait at the playground. I expected Aditya to be upset and ask me tons of questions. But when I arrived about 30 minutes later, I saw him sitting next to the parent and giggling while a little toddler ran around trying to catch a piece of trash flying around. As I approached him, he smiled and waved, then asked, "Why are you late?" I told him that I was stuck in traffic on  101 (the freeway)
"101? What were you doing there?"
"I had gone to meet your dad over lunch."
"All the way to San Mateo?"
"Yes!"
He shook his head (I think, in disbelief) and said "Ok! Now can we go home?"
I was amazed how calm he was when he got to know that I had gone away while he was at school!

Seen today when I went to aid in his class.. Can you make out which child there has autism?

I will be heading to ATCA this weekend for New Frontiers so we can take our program to the next level! We had a casual chat  about it over lunch on Sunday, wrote to Brian on Monday and finalized on Tuesday! Ciao!

"When are we playing again?"

Aditya's amazing social strides from a weekend ago.  (Not the weekend that ended yesterday. The one before.)

1. There was some police activity going on.  Helicopters roaming around making announcements such as "Stay inside because we are trying to look for a man who is on the run".   Our family of four had just begun going for a bicycle ride at this time.  We decided to turn around, come home, and look on the Internet for what was happening around us.  (We have NO TV:-)

No tantrums from Aditya.  Complete willingness to turn around without knowing much about "why exactly are we going back home so soon"... but knowing enough from our looks and our body language that something was wrong!

Wow!

While Baba looked up the news on the Internet, Aai explained what was going on to the twins. 

Usually anxious about anything related to "police",  Aditya decided not to hide inside the house but stay outside on the porch and even announce that he would be guarding the bikes!

2. After confirming nothing untoward was happening,  we did go bicycling to the nearby park,  but there was a huge crowd over there, and possibly some family re-union happening too.  We asked the twins if they wanted to stay there or they were okay with a change of venue- another park half a mile away.  Both were totally okay to stop what they had begun doing and instead come along with us!

3. At the other park... the biggest and sweetest surprise was waiting to happen!  There was a couple of little girls playing there.  Aditya told us he was going to go there and join the ongoing game because "that was a cool thing to do in stage 5".

So we decided to stay where we were... but watch him.  Shreya was (luckily) playing with something else.  Aditya began by going close to the girls and looking at one of the girls full-on, and asking a direct question.  However the question "felt" like "small-talk" from the looks of it.  Pretty soon he had learned the name of the girl and that the other girl was her younger sister. Shreya joined them soon, and the four were soon playing a totally newly spun game of some sort.  They also told us happily that they were all going to different grades.  The younger sister to kindergarten, Aditya was going to first grade, Shreya second grade, and the older sister was in third grade!

4. Then as we said it was time to leave... Aditya practically set up his own play date with the older girl.  Actually, this girl was really interested in knowing when we will come again.  She was going to be there the next morning.  Aditya replied, "That is too early for us but we will see you SOME OTHER TIME" (He knew that he would be with his grown up SON-RISE friends the next morning.)

4. Back home.  We were making a smoothie (milk shake).   Aditya showed up and announced, "I am first in line... no cutting!"


And we can no longer rub our eyes and say, "Is this a dream?"

Math, oh Math!

I was aiding in the classroom today and had stepped out for a minutes to help a little girl. As I walked back in, I saw these 3 boys (Aditya being one of them) furiously working on something.
Here is what had happened earlier:
Aditya  had no unfinished work while most of his classmates were ploughing through piles of it. So his teacher asked him if he wanted to try the next level of the problem of the month, he had already level A of the problem earlier. He was ready, along with a couple of second graders!

 As I went closer, I heard Aditya's table partner telling him how hard it was and how only a few second graders could do it, and Aditya is, in fact, a first grader. Aditya told him that he would still try and ask for help if he found it tough. The next thing I know, after about 5 minutes, Aditya was looking around the room, table cleared. As I approached him, he got up from his seat and whispered in my ear,"I am done with part B. But I will get the actual problem sheet only tomorrow. Then I will make a clear illustration and tell everybody that I found the answer. Till then don't tell anybody, please! Not even my teacher!"

Here is the Level B problem:
The Wheel Shop sells other kinds of vehicles. There are bicycles and go-carts in a different room of the shop. Each bicycle has only one seat and each go-cart has only one seat. There are a total of 21 seats and 54 wheels in that room.

How many are bicycles and how many are go-carts?
http://www.noycefdn.org/documents/math/POM/pom-wheelshop.pdf

I asked him if he had understood what the problem was and how come he found the answer so quick. "I just worked it out. It is fifteen and six."

I can bet that I would have taken longer to do this, even at the end of elementary school!

Thank God it's...

It's bed time on Thursday, and we are brushing teeth.

Aditya: "I am so glad tomorrow is the last day of conferences"

Baba: "Really!  How come?"

Aditya: "Because when there are (parent teacher) conferences school ends at 1pm. Then there is no creative ex."

Baba: "Wow... so you mean you are missing Creative Ex?"

Aditya: "Yeah!"

Baba: "Wow... this is amazing. Sounds like the third slot is what you like the most."

Aditya: "Yes!"

Baba: "But that wasn't so last year right?"

Aditya: "Yeah. Last year's creative ex was different. I didn't like it."

Baba: "Well I am really excited and happy for you that you are liking it this year!"

Why is this a big deal? (AND IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR US.)

"Creative Ex" last year (in kindergarten) was a totally unstructured (read chaotic) activity which Aditya had a challenge with.  He was having to deal with the collective energy of all those little kids, and not knowing what to do while everybody seemed to be fine just "exploring something creative to do" with supplies (e.g. cardboard, beads, etc) provided by the teacher and/or aide.

So when he said he cannot wait until he gets to do creative ex again next week... I was OVERJOYED!

Something magical is going on here.  His brain is actually undergoing a change!  Or maybe all kids with autism have the ability to do this... we as the parents just had to let him do it:-)

Introspection .. Aditya's and mine

Yesterday, Aditya had the first ever playdate with a boy from his class. This is the first time he has asked to have a classmate over. We had been waiting for this day since he started Kindergarten last year but had decided to give him his time to WANT this. We had other Son-Rise peer playdates which I arranged with boys outside his class. Last year, he never felt like inviting any child from his class. Last week, as we were talking about kids in his science group, he said that he liked AK, as he was quiet and nice. I wondered aloud if AK would be a good friend. Aditya then said that he would like to have a playdate with him to test it!

On Monday, he actually went up to this boy and asked him if he would like to come to our house for a PD!
When we got home, he told me, "Aai, now do not make us play the cube game, I have now had so many playdates, I know what to do! Can we choose what to play?" (I had made a big dice out of a box, with zip-lock bags taped to the sides. I changed up the games the kids would play on each PD. We had a mix of physical play, board games and pretend play, unstructured yet structured)

Yesterday after school, I picked up Aditya and AK, Shreya and her own playdate. The girls were talking to each other, giggling and having fun. Aditya was talking to me about what he would do when AK came home and how they would have lots of fun, while AK was walking behind us. After a while, I said to Aditya, "I am excited for you! But what about now?"
Aditya: "I am having fun now too!"
I: "I am not sure if your friend is having fun, though. He seems to be bored."
At that, a light bulb seemed to go on in Aditya's head. It seemed to me that he had not realized that the playdate starts right from the moment I pick them up, not after we reach home! Then he started telling AK about the different Beyblades he has and they went on to have a lively discussion about Beyblades and then moving on to some other topics.

At home, they dived into the playroom and started playing Beyblades, followed by Marbles and Monopoly. About 1.5 hours later, as they came out for a snack, I noticed that Aditya had a flat affect and seemed distant and removed. The playdate continued for 30 more minutes where they played Jenga.

After AK left, I asked Aditya how the playdate went for him.
"Good."
"I noticed that you were very enthusiastic at the beginning but did not seem so toward the end. How come?"
"I don't really know, I think I got tired."

I tried asking him a couple different ways to try figure out what could have gone wrong. Later, I asked him to describe one challenge he faced while he played today. And BANG came the reply:
"I had a challenge when we played Monopoly. AK knew how to play it, but his rules were different than ours. I tried to tell him what the rules were, but he kept saying that he knew the rules. I even showed him the instructions that came with it, but he didn't take a look at them."
"Is that why you said you were bored?"
"Yes. And could you please help me with this challenge in Son-Rise? I had a hard time after that!"
"Sure, we will, Aditya!"
Wow! This boy knows exactly what his challenge is and that he wants help with it. He is taking charge of it and wants to find a way out!

Today he went on a field trip without me for the time ever. He went with another parent in their car, carrying his own booster seat.

 I freaked out as I caught sight of him on the playground today! I would have never imagined him on parallel bar! He didn't dare go close to any bars this time last year. Today he was resting on the parallel bars after running around chasing somebody!

He coolly replied to my questions that he began doing this sometime in late September. Till a month ago, he would come running to hug me when he saw me at lunch. Not today. He said "Hi, Aai!" from a distance followed by "I see D. Bye!" and went off to chase D.

Sigh! I miss my little boy! But wasn't this the day I had waited for so long! Hmm ..time to find something else to do?

He has begun to play with kids at school!

We are so excited! Almost 40 days into his school year,  Aditya is not just going to school,  he is totally present at school, taking it all in, as well as CONTRIBUTING!

This morning he came to us and began the day by announcing the different kinds of "stretches" he has learnt about at PE. Forward lunges, sit ups, cherry picking, you name it! And he was fully interactive, asking us.... do you know what "cherry picking" is... then showing it to us! Oh... what a way to begin the day!

We remember that less than a year ago he would begin the day by "talking" extensively... but that talking was on his own terms about his interests like various items in a restaurant's take away menu... or different kinds of brass instruments and their countries of origins :)

Within 10 minutes, he had moved on to asking what different punctuation and quotation marks we knew, describing "juicy" words and "regular" words in English, and commented that "regular" was not a "juicy word". Him playing with words is no longer news here. He comes up with a few "jokes" by twisting words and playing with two languages (English and Marathi) regularly. We are SO grateful for this! How hard he has worked to come so far from the diagnosis of cognitive and speech delay!

One more HUGE update.  (The title of this post is a give-away though!)

He played a pretend play game with two girls-- one from his class and one not!  They formed a game on the fly where they were birds going out to get food and Aditya was guarding the nest.  Apparently, they agreed to play the game again the next day.

However, when he approached her the next day to carry on the same game, she told him that she could not. He seemed a little upset when he narrated this to me, but said that he would try the next day again. The next day, instead of playing with her, he went and played something else with a couple of boys in his class! He went and stood there, and they gave him a role: he was the referee in a game of Foursquare !

And then today, he played Frisbee with a few more boys. When he was "playing with" them, he did not seem to figure out everything that was going on.  BUT HE TRIED, and he continued to do it. At one point, he threw the Frisbee to catch all by himself but could not make it in time before the Frisbee would land.  Another boy picked it up, and threw it back to him!

Games are played, defined, re-defined on the playground exactly like that.  What's really great about Aditya doing it is... the kids seem to accept him in the "tribe"!  They seem to respond to him doing his bit!

Something I found really funny was a conversation between him and his sister regarding a girl from his Kinder class, who broke her arm last weekend. They talked about how and where they got "the news" and then about the girl who actually told Aditya this. They were giggling, joking and gossiping about other kids and the happenings around them like there was no end! Seriously, does this child even know that he was not supposed to be taking such an interest in other people and their lives? (Hey buddy, you have autism! :)

Oh, and one last thing... which is really the best thing.

When he comes home these days, he has that mischievous and victorious look on his face.  "I have a news" he announces, and then tells us which kids he played with today.  He is sure to follow with the question, "Do you think that was STAGE 5"?

"That was not just stage 5, Aditya, that was being a terrific friend!" we reply!

PS: We do Son-Rise after school and on the weekends, with regular feedback, training and team meetings ... we are not yet done, we will continue till he overcomes all his challenges. Autism, here we come!

Our newest, sweetest, youngest team member!

Of course, we are talking about Shreya, the one and only twin sister of Aditya.

We had asked her about it before, but when I (Baba) asked her today if she wanted to take a game inside and play with Aditya for 30 minutes, she was very interested.

We speak to her once in a while about how if she really wanted  to be someone's friend, she could choose to spend some time talking about "their thing" and doing it with them, so that they feel like playing her game.

As we talked about it again today, she said she has tried this in school with a girl who likes Ballerinas and so they combined their interests and made up some game about dogs and ballerinas.

That's it!  We then brainstormed about a game where Shreya would have her motivation (dogs) and Aditya would have his (airplane, inventions, machines, super heroes) too.

She quickly put together an idea of the game, and on my suggestion she put in 3 challenges for Aditya.  She drew it all on an easel to make presenting easy.  She then quickly cut out 4 doggy ears from paper, and even created 2 paper loops and taped the dog ears on to the loops.  She then also quickly created a cape!  All done in less than 20 minutes!

The sweet and loving 7 year old brought in such a fresh surge of energy and a new perspective! I was totally impressed.

Aditya was playing with Arjun when I went in and gave him the news.  He was interested... in fact, excited... as that meant he did not have to leave the playroom (otherwise he would have).

I took her and the easel inside, and that's it.  Arjun and I left the room and did his feedback in the living room,  while the siblings played with each other for a whole 30 minutes.  No bickering, no control battles, just play and having fun!  (We did videotape this special play session.)

Later Shreya reported that it was lots of fun, and Aditya was extremely flexible and never "sat down and talked about his cars" (his major ism wherein he completely loses the other person and can talk for several minutes at a stretch).  He totally rose to the first challenge of becoming a dog-airplane combination machine and rescuing Silky the puppy (played by Shreya).  He also innovated a way to solve another challenge-- put out the fire on an island where the rescued dog's mom was trapped.  He would drink lots of water and then use a machine to push it out of his throat and throw it up over the fire!

There are several "firsts" we have seen in our program, but this is a special "first", for it belongs to Shreya as well as Aditya.  Both are our role models with their creativity, energy, excitement, enthusiasm, and their willingness to step out of their comfort zone to change themselves and create something wonderful!

Physical challenges? Low energy? Who are we talking about?

Last night, my daughter was telling me about how proud she is of the running club in her class and her hopes of getting to a 100 laps by the end of this week. Aditya chimed in saying he too, runs a lap everyday at PE. "Really?"
"Yes, and I don't even stop, except on the first day, when I was waiting for K because I didn't want to cut in front of her."
"Wow! That is awesome! I want to double check I understand what you are saying. So you run a whole lap, meaning you run all four sides of the track without stopping?"
"Yes, and you can ask Sheryl."  (She is the instructional assistant in his class, who takes half the class out to PE while the teacher focuses on academics for the other half.)

When I went to school today, I spoke to the IA and she confirmed that indeed, he not only ran a lap nonstop, but was among the first few kids to finish. After running, he participated enthusiastically in different tag games they play, like fish gobbler, blob tag, etc. He also loves the different warm up exercises they do.
"He is doing fine! Till this moment, I had forgotten that you had told me at our meeting about his having physical challenges and low energy levels.  One more thing I notice about him is that he likes to complete all work as soon as he gets it. His 'unfinished work' folder is always empty :)"

I have also seen him sit next to a particular boy at lunch pretty regularly. I do not risk going too close, but they were smiling and talking.

Today I found him very relaxed and enthusiastic. After six hours of school followed by two back to back two-hour SonRise playroom sessions, this guy was rocking the dining table with his silliness.

Aditya had been having a rash and dry itchy skin for the past few weeks. I was regularly moisturizing it with Coconut oil but nothing was cutting it. He had never had this problem before. Suddenly over the labor day weekend, I had a light-bulb moment and realized that Chlorine was the probable culprit. He started swim lessons around mid July and we moved 4 weeks ago. There was a peculiar stench in the bathroom here, which I had been trying to place, since day 1. His skin was a little dry before we moved, but in the weeks after the move, it had progressed from bad to worse.  For the past 3 days, we have worked intensely and he is feeling much better. I made three trips to school today, to moisturize his itchy skin and it seems to have paid off. (Thankfully, we now live close to school!) He seemed much more relaxed, able to focus and also enjoy himself in class. Thank the universe!

Only a weekend ago!

After I wrote the last post, I realized that only a weekend ago, we visited a family friend in an extremely social situation full of strangers, grown up and not.  Actually, the number of kids there was more than any similar social get-together he had been to, except before SON RISE.

The key observations then were:
1.  He clearly survived for the most part.  He handled transitions easily, and had no fuss eating his special food.
2.  He was rude to the other kids on several occasions, mostly around sharing.  He would simply refuse to leave the backyard swing, for example.
3.  The 4-ish year old younger son of the hosts who was extremely adorable and social, tapped Aditya on his cheeks.  Aditya gave a huge and unpleasant reaction to this, after which apparently the little boy did it a few times.  Aditya was in tears and in fact on the verge of a break down when I saw him a little later.  He pointed to the boy and said he hates him because he touches him constantly on his cheek.  I resolved the matter by explaining he was doing it because he liked Aditya (which is actually what the boy told me).

As I relish the moments of this weekend, I also recall the memories of the last weekend, and really, that sounds so exciting that he changed to the point of accepting other kids and being accepted too... just in a week.  (Not to say that I need things to stay this way going forward.  I am aware they can change.)

Accepted by kids as one of them!

It is the last few hours of the Labor day weekend,  and as I look back at it, I am beyond awe-struck with what I am seeing about the new Aditya and what that means for our.. seemingly... new... life!

1. We decided on Sunday afternoon that we would spent Monday afternoon going biking (bicycling)-- with all four of us riding their own bikes.  Since we the parents have been sharing a bicycle, we decided to go and get a new one from Walmart.  (We used to avoid going here with Aditya at all costs until 2 years ago.)  When we went there on Saturday night, a few bikes were left, and Baba checked them out, tried them, etc and both the kids were super interested... not just patient... with this.  But the sweet bonus came when we told Aditya we had to leave this place as they did not have their best bikes in stock as it was late evening.  We would have to come back another time, maybe tomorrow.  To this, Aditya who usually avoids going shopping suggested we go to the next door Target so Baba can get a bike and we all can still go tomorrow!  I was of course blown away, thanked him profusely, and in fact, that was something I had not considered. We went there and even got a bike.  Aditya, in both stores, was super excited about the gears on all these bikes!  He asked me over and over again how I like my new bike with gears:-)

2.  On Saturday before we went to Walmart, we had actually been to the nearest park to our new home, with the kids on their bikes, and Baba on the common bike that Aai and Baba were sharing.  (Aai came later in the car.) Over there, I (Baba) saw a boy I had never seen before.  He INVITED a girl to join him and Shreya on the tyre swing, saying: "Come on, join us!"  Later he and some other kids played together on a wheel that had to be turned around either by walking on it, or someone pushing it by hand. It was like a tilted merry-go-round.  (Frankly I do not know the name for this thing.)  Two things: the kids totally accepted him in their "tribe".
THIS IS A FIRST.
Oftentimes our grown up friends do not get what after all are his challenges, but then their kids meet him, and then SHUN HIM.  He is just not interesting and inviting and social enough for their kids, even if he can talk easily about cars and various forms of energy... for hours.
But today, the kids were actually finding him to be one of them.  (Do you guys know how much we have waited for this day?)  Some specifics about this.  The boys and girls actually took turns pushing the wheel, and Aditya followed the "tribe rules" as they were being defined and re-defined on the go!  He still was not picking up certain really advanced cues like "everyone is taking turns pushing it", but when a girl yelled about how girls will push and boys will sit, followed by boys will push and girls will sit,  he totally followed it!

3. Today, it is close to dinner time, and we have decided to make fresh pesto pasta using rice pasta flakes and freshly made pesto.  Aditya asked, "Can I make the pesto with you?"  "What did you say?" I say to him.  "Can I be part of making the pesto?"
We celebrated him for this obviously, then quickly made a deal that he would go to the backyard with a hammer and break open the walnut shells, while Baba will clean and cut basil leaves.  Before Baba knew, Aditya was done both breaking the shells as well as neatly putting them in a bowl!  Where is the guy who just wants to consume the already-made-bowl-of-pasta?  

There were a few other challenges observed over the weekend, but the top 3 news are what you already read.  Anyways, here are some challenges.
1. Very distracted by light coming through window shutters.  Our new volunteer did not know this, and did not help Aditya by closing the shutters.  GOOD! That's how we came to know he still has this challenge.
2. Anxious when the volunteer is even 2 minutes late.  Before another volunteer's arrival, stopped eating 10 minutes in advance, and sat at the door and looked for the volunteer's car to come.
3. Rigid about not wanting to go to the library.... which is something we did on Saturday too in order to get him excited about the library and books in general.  Once there, he got pretty excited though when Baba helped him find books about simple machines, energy, and airplanes!

P.S.
1. Baba and Aditya had  played a quiz game earlier in the week about simple machines. Since then Aditya is hooked on to finding examples of levers, pulleys, and inclined planes, wherever he goes!
2. He also has a new found love for conversion between milli, centi, deci, deca, hecto, and kilo-meters, grams, and liters.

Thank God It's Friday- 2

So as I said, here I am posting about this last Friday i.e. August 31, 2012.

Since I showed up a little early last time, Aditya came to me and chatted with me.  Today, I wanted to go a little late and see if he had opened up a bit with the other kids.

I reached just in time for the class to start, and Aditya was actually entering the class.  I came from behind and tapped him gently on his head, put his tie-dyed shirt in the box it had to go into, put a check mark against his name, etc.  By this time he had gone and taken a seat in his assigned spot. I went over and stayed behind him.  He noticed me and looked behind and gave me a look he had never given before. It was a look that said, "I am okay dad, you can stop coming here".  Was I dreaming? He then said, "Okay!" I said "what do you mean okay?" to which he said, "I am doing okay".  So indeed I was right about what I saw on his face:-)

It is DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read).  Aditya is aware of the expectations, so he does his thing to fulfill them.  He is done reading his book, so he goes back and puts it back in the class library.  He then spends a bit of time there, even sits down along with some other kids who are there (Aai later explained to me that he must have been in the group that gets to sit in the class library during DEAR today). He then comes  back with another book in his hand.  He puts it in his folder.  He quickly scans me as I am making some notes on a piece of paper.   WOW! He moves on after seeing that I am busy!  Where is the guy who would not look what the other person is doing before asking them questions?

Now I am done making my note (and I am also done feeling tickled inside that he actually noticed me being busy and moved on).  So I go to him and say, "Did you want to say something to me when I was writing?"

He then quickly opens his reading log and shows off what books he has been reading through the week. (Very cool showing that off to me.  I was so happy:-))

I then say to him that he can read more if he wants to.  He says he already got his book for the next time.  I say that he can still go and read another book, that would be totally fine.  He said he wouldn't want to.  Very assertive there.  But why would he not want to read something, or just do something?  I get the impression that he is doing things to fit expectations.  The "want to read" is missing.

It is 1pm and the pendulum clock sounds a bell.  Aditya's neighbor second grader R says loudly to no one in particular, "It is not a bell. It is just the clock."  He then asks the teacher if they can read for another 15 minutes.

I did not hear that very well so I ask Aditya to tell me what R said.  He smiles in a way that is very "social" and tells me, "he is asking for 15 minutes to read".  (It seems from my discussion later with Aai that their teacher is firm and loving as she says she cannot agree to a request like that.  So apparently Aditya was expecting her to say the same thing to R and he was expressing a feeling of the kind: "someone tell this guy she won't listen".)

I then tell Aditya about a book about airplanes I am seeing from a distance.  He again tells me he has already selected a book.  I say let's go anyways!  This time around, he comes.  We go and find that it is in a blue bin.  He has announced to us he won't read books from that and the red bin as that is for advanced readers.  (We actually think he can.  He is perhaps just exercising control.)  So I say hard luck, and we come back.

At this point, D (the guy who had stuck his face in Aditya's face last week) seems to have walked over Aditya's hands.  Aditya has teared up.  D is overwhelmed and at a loss.  Teacher resolves the matter and suggests D be more mindful of what he is doing.  I am feeling a bit silly (but accepting of me) that I was writing these notes at that point instead of seeing what happened.

It is sharing time.  Two kids have brought some stuff (their toys etc) in a paper bag which they share with the class.  As A the boy shares his stuff, other kids raise their hands to ask questions or make comments.  Aditya is looking totally disinterested.  I am not sure he is listening at all.  Some other kids are finding it hard to stay interested as well.

Now it's K's turn to share. K is the same social butterfly whose birthday it was last week.  Now Aditya suddenly looks at her with interest. She goes on to show a rope she brought from home.  Aditya looks at me.  I show a very interested face and look at K.  He looks back at her then!

They are all sitting on the rug at that point.  The boy sitting next to him decides to recline and ends up leaning over Aditya who scoots away.  Nice talking care of himself.

Now the sharing time is over, and the teacher makes an announcement about it being the last day of the week before the long weekend.  She wants everyone to clean up their cubby.  She explains what should stay and what should go home, what should be turned in, etc.  There will be a cubby clean up check too.

Everyone is back at their desk.  I am with Aditya at his desk.  He seem totally confused with all these instructions about the cubby clean out.  I ask him if he knows what it is that he needs to do.  He says he does not know.  I wonder aloud as usual, and he decides to go ask the teacher.  He ADDRESSES her by name, asks his question, and successfully gets an answer.  Hurray!  He and I now go and put things in his mail, submit his things to the class, and file away something else in the Math folder.  A lot of little things like that, which apparently he has found a little too many to keep in his mind and process one by one.

After that is done, Aditya goes to the front of the class where some kids are playing a board game.  He leans over and watches with interest.

Another boy M comes to me and thinking I am the aiding parent, asks if I can go with him to the outside where he can play with the ball.

The teacher notices it and sends somebody (her own son actually who he is helping out currently) to go with M.

Aditya comes to the teacher at the same time and asks what he can do.

She offers the option of reading or going out with her son, and he immediately takes up the offer to go out.  I follow them too.

Initially, M finds a ball, and so does Aditya,  but Aditya realizes soon (NICE) that there is not enough air pressure in it.  He then says, "there is a rule in this school that kids cannot get a ball".  I have no idea about where he is coming from.  But knowing that this could be presented as an opportunity to go play with M, I say to him, "So you can play with M".  And he says YES to it.  But we then also find another ball lying a bit farther away.  Showing his preference to playing by himself, he goes gets the ball instead of going to M.

I decide to dialog myself here, and say, "THIS IS EXCITING.  He will go up from here and socialize with other kids".  And bang!  The universe responds in less than a second, as M is inviting Aditya to join him!  Aditya agrees right away!

I start seeing their game of "1-touch", only to see that another kid J joins them.

J is a pro at "1-touch" and is also very competitive.  So as the three kids start playing, Aditya's limitations are exposed quickly.  He does not really know the game, and J is brutal in calling him "out" when he does not do his thing right.  I quickly take Aditya to the other side of that wall-like structure where I and he practice some 1-touch and remember how we used to play a similar 1-touch with our feet in the playroom.

Soon M is on our side to check us out.  We go over to his side, and now I say to Aditya that he can go play with the other two kids as he now knows what game it is and how to play it.

Aditya makes himself LOUD and CLEAR: "Hey can I be in the game too"?

"Sure", say M and J.   Sweet!  Our boy has arrived!

But soon enough, the story repeats itself.  Aditya is not really moving as quickly as the other two, and seems to miss his turn, at which point J makes sure to call him out.

I then come in, and tell him we will watch the game a little bit to know how to play it.  And that he is already doing better by trying to join their game.  He likes it and we watch.  Soon, J has beaten M and says "EVERYBODY IN NOW".   I send Aditya in again.  This time, he does better and gets the ball right and touches it with 1 bounce over to the wall.  He does it so lightly that the ball does not return with much force and so M cannot get to the ball in time, and thus M is out.  J looks at Aditya and smiles and says, "You  got M out, Aditya".  Aditya is excited and tells me that he got someone out.  He also adds he does not know how he could get someone out.  I explain what that means.

So we play a little longer. Aditya touches the ball once in a while, but mostly does not get there on time,  as he is not really moving on his feet.  He is folding his hands and putting them behind his back, appearing stiff and not really flowing with the game.

Eventually I think he reaches the limit of his patience and starts isming about how he is going to invent a version of 1-touch which works in a reverse order.  I invite him out again and say to him if he wants to play with the boys he has to watch them or play,  and that they won't be listening to his invention right now.

In the meantime 3 other boys come and join the game.  Aditya's interest is weaning.  I resolve to do 1-touch with him at home, preferably with another volunteer so he gets the three-some experience!

Aditya now wants to go back to his class.  When we go back, the teacher welcomes and tells him he can do free choice as his job was that of the moderator so he does not have anything to do till the end.

Aditya goes to the front of the class.  This time, he very strongly connects to the boys and girls playing a game that looks similar to "Connect-4" except it is called "Make 7".  First watches them really closely, and later even joins the club and makes comments, and even plays a little bit.

Soon it is the last few minutes or so, and Aditya sits in the moderator chair.  Teacher reminds him to get reports from the chairs monitor and the floor monitor.  (There are lots of such opportunities for him to go and talk to other kids, where it is clearly defined what to do. NICE! He will feel comfortable talking to his class mates if he continued doing those things.)

There is now a discussion about "cutting in the line".  Aditya seems to listen but he is not raising his hand.  This is followed by a quick group conversation about the letter of the day- S.  Aditya is not saying much but he is listening.

Finally, it is the moment he was waiting for,  as he gets to be in control being the "moderator".  He and the other moderator have a little bit of an exchange where they agree (or maybe the other guy says and Aditya readily agrees) on dismissing the whole class by saying "CLASS DISMISSED" while making a super-silly face at DIS-MISSED.

That's it.  The kids run like a flock of birds, and so does Aditya!

He is definitely more on his feet this Friday.  He is also definitely addressing people by their first name, instead of just saying HEY which was not getting him success last week!  Smart boy, and a fast learner!  He is definitely more easily connecting to the other kids over board games, but he is clearly challenged in his ability to flow with a physical activity or game like 1-touch.

I am so grateful I have had this chance to be with him on these 2 Fridays, and even within this short period of time I have watched him change and grow so much!  Well done, Aditya!!!  Actually... well doing Aditya:-)

Thank God It's Friday - 1!

Today was Friday. I (Baba) worked from home, and also showed up in Aditya's class to support him during the last 2 hours of school.

I also did the same thing last Friday. I did not write about how that went either, so I am going to write about that Friday in this post.  I will write about today in my next post.

Last Friday, I saw the following:
1. It's just after lunch as I reach Aditya's class. Aditya has spotted my car long ago, and welcomes me with a smile, and tells me how he spotted my car. We sit outside his class in a line formed by other kids. He is not talking to anyone else. He is either talking to me or not doing anything. I ask him "who is this?" and he tells me X when it is in fact Y. He then does say he misunderstood and X is over there.
2. Still on way into the class, D sticks his face into Aditya's face and says something. D either loves to do this or has his own sensory overload issues. In any case, Aditya steps back in a sluggish manner, and says "Stop doing that. If you don't then I will step back." Not very sophisticated there, but he is awesome at taking care of himself!
3. It's Agenda time. Similar to the issue mentioned in the last post by Aai, last Friday's agenda had a group of kids complain about 3rd graders who came and ate lunch in their garden, and went away without cleaning up the seeds that they had made piles of. And so the kids in our class "had to" clean those seeds up. The class offered solutions like "speak to a grown up", "speak to the teacher and ask her to email the other class teacher" (this was the most popular solution by the way), "get help from W whose sister is in that class", etc. The kids who had brought the problem before the class acknowledged if it was a valid solution and if they had tried it already.
At this point, my son throws his hand in the air.  He does it when I least expect him! The group gives him a chance.
"You just ignore them and walk away!" says Aditya.
I AM JUMPING FOR JOY INSIDE.
But no one gets it. I think even the teacher did not get it. I later asked Aditya what he meant. He confirma what I had thought he meant. (And that's why I had jumped for joy.) Aditya had basically suggested to them that they did not have to see this as a problem. They did not have to pick up the seeds. They could choose to pick them up OR they could choose not to. In either case, complaining was okay on one hand but not going to get them anything on the other hand.
(It's amazing what 3 years of SON RISE can do to you and your child. Both great minds begin to think alike:-)
So the teacher says to Aditya that his idea (i.e. walking away) would be a solution too but she added that perhaps Aditya meant walk away and get a grown up to help. Aditya did not object to this.
In general during agenda, Aditya was very quiet and seemed to be listening and taking it in.

4. Also during agenda, the teacher says, "If they called your name already you can put down your hand, and speak when the person before you is done." Aditya was great in following this agreement once she made it clear! No more constantly raising and waving his hands to get attention, the way I saw on day 1.
5. It is time to finish unfinished work from the morning. The aiding parent thinks he is not done, and asks him to do it. The idea is to write about how the family spent the summer. Aditya has apparently already written about it. But he does not question her why he has to still do it. He continues to the next page, and then seems to stare into space. I just sit next to him after a while. He says," where did we go this summer except for Lake Tahoe?" I say, "we did make a day trip to Monterey". And so he starts on the next page about a trip to Monterey. In the meantime the aiding parent comes and apologizes saying she thought he was not done, when in fact he was! Now I see. I see the first page where he has already written about the family's trip to Lake Tahoe. Now that he has been given clearance he erases what he has started writing on page 2. He is totally methodical, and is following the rule to the letter. Any parent's dream... except it is not! What am I thinking? I am wishing he felt okay about answering back and saying he was already done! (And a light bulb goes in my mind. We never ask or encourage our kids to do that to us... answering back! It is worth considering letting them do it. The home is where they can safely do it, and make mistakes too. Then in the world, they will feel more comfortable standing up for themselves.) 

6. Jobs time. He does not know what his job is. I wonder aloud what he will do since he does not know what he is expected to do. "I will ask" comes the reply. SMART BOY! He goes up to his teacher and asks what job. She puts him together with another child, a girl named A, and says together they will be doing lunch monitor duty. Both are first graders and do not know how to. M is a second grader and does know. So he is assigned the task of going out with them and explaining to them how to do it. I follow the three into the lunch tables area. I see that M explains how to use this long pronged instrument to pick up trash from under lunch tables and put it in the appropriate bin-- landfill, compost, or recycle.

Aditya starts doing it.   He has questions, and a lot of them. Where do you put this? That?  That? And that? And that?

M explains patiently, but later says he does not have to because Aditya can read it from the picture that shows where to put what.

But Aditya is thinking about things like what do you do with a yogurt tube? What about a banana which has a piece of plastic stuck to it?  First things first, do you put a banana into compost even if the picture shows an apple but no banana? I spend a bit of time explaining to him how they could not have shown every fruit, so if he sees a fruit but wants to throw away another fruit it still can go to the compost!
He does seem to have some rigidity to his thinking here. Soon he is more aware of what has to be done, and does it enthusiastically. Picks up all things trash, and puts them into different bins to the best of his and my ability. The other kids want to be done, but Aditya and I are loving this, and so we keep doing it just a bit longer.   The other kids go.  Once we are back, I ask Aditya to go ask the teacher where to put the prongs.  He goes and asks. He does not wait for his turn though.

 7. After jobs it is time to celebrate K's birthday. K is a girl, a social butterfly, a second grader. The teacher asks a few questions about K and her favorite things, as a way to generate interest about the birthday child. Our hero raises his hand 3 times. Once he guesses correctly that one of her favorite colors is purple. Another one is in answering "what does K like to eat?" and he says PIZZA but it is not the right answer. And he seems okay with it! The third time he raises his hand is to answer "what is K an expert at?" and a lot of the kids have answered with things like "comforting other people", "holding a chicken", etc.
"She is an expert at the monkey bar" says Aditya, and K smiles big time, saying that's correct. Aditya looks delighted as he even earns the teacher's praises for observing so well. At one point during this celebration he also clarifies that purple is not his favorite color but he guessed it was K's favorite.
A general observation here, is a lot of the kids seem bored with the questions and answers.
When the birthday song begins Aditya becomes a bit more light hearted and easy. The class votes to sing "Happy Birthday Cha Cha Cha" and so they do, including shaking their body etc. Aditya is loving this. But his expression is milder than the huge giggles from the other kids.
Soon it is treat time, and K is giving blueberries and strawberries to everyone. Aditya asks me with a voice not too loud but not too low (NICE!) if he can eat them. I show him a YES with my thumbs up. A burden seems to be lifted. Aditya is now definitely a lot more easy and relaxed, as I think.  I realize that giving him his own packet of birthday treats to eat when other eat the conventional stuff, would go a long way in helping him feel easy around this issue.  (And so we submit his treats-ziplock-bag in the following week.)

8. A small giggle and an exchange between Aditya and another boy D.
9. Towards the end the kids are being chatty,  but Aditya is not.  But there is a conversation about a cockroach happening around him, and he seems to catch it and laugh at it.

All in all, Aditya seems to be doing okay, but seems to have a challenge dealing with the energy of another 7 year old who got in his face. Other than that, he was also not using the name of a person when trying to get their attention. As in, he would say "Hey..." instead of "Hey John" to get someone's attention. This was actually great because he saw it not work, so he gets to decide if he wants to be more clear using a person's name instead of just HEY!

Just another day at school ... really?

As I wrote in my previous blog post, I go to support Aditya in class for the last two hours each day. Every night, I (do my best to) update my husband about everything I saw at school. This takes about 30 minutes each time. Last night, my husband was busy working and had just a few minutes before he got back to his computer and I had to give him the highlights of what I saw. As I went over the day's events in my mind, I realized what an awesome day it was!

- After lunch, Aditya is among the first few to line up, wash his hands and start reading (it is DEAR time!) He started reading with total focus, recorded the book in his reading log, put it away, got another book. As he was putting the new book in his folder so he can be ready for reading the next day, he flipped and looked it over. Suddenly, he got up from his chair, went back to the library, put away the book and got another one. I found this to be profound! He is no longer just getting books and moving his eyes over the pages because somebody has asked him to do it, he is actually taking an interest in what he reads! He was totally cool about getting a book, not liking it and hence replacing it with something he likes.

- The entire class was on the rug for agenda time. In the end, the teacher asked everybody to stand and echo what she said and also mimic her. "Hello, my name is Joe and I work in a button factory..." (Similar to this on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGe3JhHMwTY )
Aditya enthusiastically joined in, followed the teacher and after a couple iterations, started giggling! OMG! He was so not rigid, so going with the flow and also enjoying the moment! It was so precious that I felt the need to have a good camera phone!

- After the song, his teacher wrote her expectations from the class for the remainder of the day:
a. Finish your "Hopes and Dreams for the year" picture and ask an adult to put it up on the wall
b. Complete things in your "Unfinished work" folder
c. Jobs
d. Dismissal
Aditya had already finished his "Hopes and Dreams" (He later told me that he had not written his real hopes and dreams because he didn't want everybody to know .. and it is anybody's guess what they are ... to reach the end of stage 5 in SRP!)
He then reached for his unfinished work folder and  realized that he had finished everything. Then I pointed out to him that he still had papers in the folder. He had not realized that he needs to turn in work as he finishes it. He went up to his teacher and asked her where he could put it. She pointed him to a shelf where all the writing/ Math folders were lined up in name order. He found an adult to help with hole punching, found his writing folder, successfully opened it, carefully put in the paper, closed the clip and put the folder back in. He came to me and proudly said to me "Did you see how I did not just thrust the folder back into place? I gently pulled the folder on my left a few inches out, then put mine in and put the other boy's back in again."
(I was happy we had worked that in the playroom this summer. I had gone in asking him for help punching and filing copies of the developmental model in the folders for his new SRP friends who were to attend the first team meeting. He was motivated and it worked his motor skills:) I had not realized till that day how much planning it takes to actually file a piece of paper and put it away. I am so glad that I worked on skills that help him feel successful at school)
When he was turning his Math pattern papers, his teacher asked him to color the beginning letter of his name dark.  Honestly, I was confused, since he had already colored the squares for various patterns, outlined the squares which had the letter at the beginning of his name. He persisted and asked his teacher, "Do you mean I should color this again?" She then explained again (I still did not get it). He thought for about 15 seconds, picked up a marker and started working on it. Done in a minute and back to the teacher.
He does not have an end-of-day class job this week. He is the moderator, who brings in the morning message, changes calendar, moderates meetings and agenda and dismisses kids at the end of the day. So while everybody else was busy with their unfinished work and jobs, he had nothing to do! He went up to his teacher and told her that he has been checked off all lists, and asked her what he could do now. She gave him the choice of reading or drawing/ coloring. He sprinted to the class library, saw a couple titles, turned around and sat on the rug. Watching him for a couple minutes, I joined him on the rug. Classic SRP joining in the middle of the classroom.. squinting eyes to look under the bookshelves, look at the parrot (class pet), stare at the rug. After about three minutes (which felt like forever in a busy classroom) I initiated a conversation with him. "Hi .. How are you doing? .. I noticed you going to the library and then not getting a book. What happened?" "I realized that I had already read today and I am just a little bit tired now. I want to sit on the rug and wait for teacher to read and then dismiss."
I think we need to work more strongly on his SRP goal of taking initiative.

- And here is what I thought was the highlight of the day .... At agenda, a group of girls brought up a problem they had. (These girls were crying hysterically after lunch the previous day and were working on it using conflict resolution techniques the entire time after lunch. They were finally ready to present their problem to the class) The girls explained their problem as follows, "We were playing in the mud yesterday, making houses for worms and other insects, as we love nature. Some kids came by and started saying that our club is yuck and started saying Ewww to us. We told them that they were hurting our feelings. But they kept saying mean things."
Aditya: "But why did you start crying?"
Girls: "Because we were very sad they said mean things to us."
Aditya: "Still, why did you cry?"
Girls: "Because we were upset about they calling us mean things."
Aditya: "But why not use words but use crying?"
I was about to roll on the floor with laughter! This has been a perspective modeled to him over the years in his SRP and he just couldn't get why they were crying!
Then the teacher intervened and said to him: "Well, Aditya, sometimes people get so sad and upset that they feel better when they cry."
Hmm, welcome, my son, to a world where happiness is not necessarily a choice :)

A New Beginning

Last week marked the beginning of the new school year for our kids. Our daughter is now a second grader and Aditya a first grader. How kids grow! I have been so busy enjoying miracles on a daily basis that taking a step back led me to discover fascinating changes in the larger picture!

This year, Aditya started in a 1/2 grade multi-age classroom. It basically means that the curriculum is focused on the philosophy that children progress on a continuum, regardless of age or grade, and the whole classroom is one community of learners. Concepts are presented to the whole class, with different expectations for students of different levels and abilities.  Students may work in flexible, small groups based on ability rather than age or grade, so cross-age collaborations are accepted and encouraged. We think that this is an exciting place for Aditya to be, as he is among a group of students of varying age levels, academic abilities and social development.

We had a meeting with Aditya's new teacher a week before school started. We spoke to her about his diagnosis, how far he has come with the Son-Rise program and what she could expect stepping into the new school year.(For those just tuning in, Aditya goes to mainstream public school, where he is the only kid on the autism spectrum) With the knowledge that he was used to just 2 hours of school twice a week last year, she suggested that we be present to support him the last couple hours everyday, for the first few weeks. I jumped with joy! What would I have not given to get such a supporting teacher!

I started going into the classroom after lunch every day.
As I walked in on the very first day, I saw him tired and staring into space. I saw him not interacting with his table partner, though the other boy was initiating small social conversations. He was barely holding his own.... I decided to take a deep breath and BELIEVE that this is going to work out. The teacher then asked the kids to gather at the rug for some community building activities and I could not believe my eyes! Was it the same boy I had seen a few minutes ago? Really? He was raising his hand to answer questions, waiting till he was called on and asserting himself, clarifying his responses! Huge blow to my doubts! Yay!

Baba and Aditya had early morning Son-Rise sessions every day before school so he was ready to face the challenges of the new day!
On Tuesday, I was excited to be the aiding parent in his classroom for the two hours between snack and lunch, and then being his one-on-one support for the next two hours. I saw him interacting with a couple kids in class. He still had a flat affect, following rules exactly to the T because he was supposed to. He was more relaxed than the previous day, but had some rigidity to his being. The teacher explained in greater detail what she had outlined the previous day. (Their school practices the "Responsive Classroom" approach to education). As an observer, I wasn't sure if he was even present and listening to what she was saying. He was looking at the family photos on the classroom wall :)

On Wednesday, I saw him talking to a girl in his class as they lined up outside after lunch. Just a small exchange .. one loop at a time .. he is growing! Experiencing success! After lunch, they have DEAR (Drop Everything And Read) time. Aditya was looking at Leo, their African grey parrot class pet :) No book in hand or on the desk! The entire class was silent, absorbed in their books. Hmm .. I ask him if he knows what he is supposed to be doing. "Yeah, read. but I finished reading the book I got from home on Monday."
"Do you know that you can borrow a book from the class library?"
"Yeah, but they are too advanced and I am still a beginner."
"Lets go and see the different colored book bins and what they mean..."
So we explored the class library and he chose a book. He was so listless that I almost pitied him and felt like carrying him home in my arms. And then .. it felt like somebody sprinkled magic dust on him .. he was on the carpet, telling his teacher that he wanted to write his problem in the "Agenda book" (Agenda time is when a kid (or a group or kids) present any problems they might have. Then the class asks clarifying questions as needed and proceeds to suggest solutions. The child who brought up the problem then chooses a solution that he finds fit or chooses to defer if he does not think of any solution as the right one for him. It is a totally child driven process .. they have their own moderator and all solutions are offered and chosen by children, with no adult interference) Since they were running out of time, the teacher asked if Aditya would be okay to explain the problem and go through the process without first writing it down. He would then have time later to write it, possibly at free choice. He immediately agreed. He explained the situation he had encountered at lunch and precisely answered all clarifying questions he was asked. He then called on his classmates to give their solutions (I think he loved this the most, as he was in a position to choose who would be called on!) He even told one child that the solution he offered seemed not so nice (rude) and ended up picking one of four solutions offered.

Thursday was the day set to tie dye their field trip shirts. After DEAR, where Aditya chose his own book, the entire class agreed upon a handful of different activities they could have for free choice, while the adults pulled out a few kids at a time for tie dyeing. I saw a major challenge here: Aditya was sitting in the middle of the rug, surrounded by 10 kids playing with different stuff ranging from legos and stuffies to cars and board games. But he was doing nothing in particular .. probably looking at the birthdays of kids put up on the wall or the class pet or staring into thin air. He was eager to tie dye his shirt and did not choose any interactive activity while he waited. (When I later talked to his teacher about this "challenge" she pointed out to me that in not doing anything, he was making a choice and that she respected him for making a choice that was different than anybody else. I felt wonderful about her attitude.)
Since Friday is the day Baba works from home, he decided to be in class with Aditya and make his own observations. He will be posting about his experience soon...

We have moved!

About a week ago, we moved to a place closer to the school Aditya and Shreya go to.  Makes for much easier transportation back and forth if Aditya does have to go reduced hours later,  and even without,  given the participation we as parents (want to) do at their school.

As for Aditya and Shreya,  they got separate rooms, thus finally giving them a break from each other... and we are only partly kidding here!

The separation allows the two kids who clearly have different needs to get more of what they want.  e.g. more Son Rise program for Aditya  with his awesome grown up friends, without Shreya having to leave their room.  Also, Aditya is an early riser and can now do so without waking up his sister.  Lastly, Shreya can perhaps have her own play dates at the same time or at other times, in her own room!  And add to this a nice backyard!

As of this week, the twins also began their school year.  Aditya began attending first grade, while sister moved up to second grade.

It was the first time ever that Aditya did straight 6 hours of school.  It was not easy.  But he made it.  Baba was in the class when the day began.  Actually, all parents were allowed to be with their first grade child for the first hour and a half or so.  Then, we were to leave.

Later, Aditya got a special something.  Aai showed up for aiding in the class,  and stayed till end of the day.  Kudos to Aditya's new teacher for allowing (in fact asking for) it.  Kudos to Aai for doing this, and kudos to us for moving, which actually made providing this level of support a whole lot easier than when we were living five and a half miles away.

This morning before school, Baba also took advantage of Aditya's separate room, and son-rised him exclusively for an hour.  What a treat for both... combined with a fresh omelette breakfast served by Aai!

It was a session where I (Baba) did mostly joining him with his talk about geared bikes and cars,  but then I celebrated him for the 2 amazing feats he accomplished yesterday:
1.  Working on my feedback about raising his hand and waiting instead of talking out of turn or talking over the teacher or other kids.  (Actually I was pretty amazed by how much he did that.  He used to be much more cautious and as a result appeared either disinterested and un-spontaneous last year. Now, it was hard to stop him.  The gas pedal was ON, and the brakes off.  (Using an analogy related to his current ism of talking about cars:)
2. Going up to a grown up and asking for help when he did not know something.  Including the time when he felt over-whelmed by the noise at the lunch table and went up to a parent aide to say "Please tell them to not be so noisy as I cannot handle it"!

He said he had fun yesterday.  We know that by end of yesterday he was clearly tired and spent most of his time there without a clue as to what's expected of him in the relatively unstructured and high-intensity environment of 7 year olds.

I then told him about 2 new things he could do,  if he wanted to have even more fun at school:
1. Be totally interested and listen to others speaking to him, and even others speaking to each other.  Listening more can lead to an easy experience (because you know more and learn more when you listen)
2. Get help from other experienced people in his class.  At this point I paused due to a hiccup.  He guessed that I meant the second graders in his first-second grade combination class!  Very smart!

He got me run out!

This morning, we played cricket after a really long time.

But it was no ordinary game of cricket.  It was a limited overs (5 to be specific) game between teams of two kinds of cars.  (Aditya is currently hooked on to different makes and models of cars and the features therein.)

So Aditya would play taking on names of various cars made-in-Asia-- which he spontaneously picked as a black stick shift Honda Civic, a metalic blue automatic Toyota Camry, a golden Hyundai Sonata, a green Nissan Quest, a turquoise Honda Fit, a black Toyota Prius, a red Toyota Camry Solara, a stick shift Mitsubishi Gallant, an automatic Hyundai Santro, etc.  (Frankly, I forgot some of them... although I am sure he remembers all! And yes, he picked these all in a blink of an eye.  He knows all about who makes which cars and where!)

Baba on the other hand, had a white Audi TT (the TT suggested by Aditya of course) leading a team of European made cars, including a Crimson Pearl stick-shift Wolkswagen Jetta, a red Ferrari, a dark blue Saab 93, an orange Fiat Paleo picked by me, a Fiat 360 recommended by Aditya, an Opel Astra, a grey stick shift BMW, etc.

Aditya batted first and scored 73 for 5 wickets.  Baba batted and lost 3 quick wickets to amazing yorkers sent in by Aditya who was at that point pretending to be a grey Stick Shift Honda Odyssey.

White Audi TT the captain came in and scored 48 runs. Things got more interesting!

In the final over Baba needed 7 runs to win.  Aditya sent in another couple of yorkers getting him out twice!  On the last ball, Baba needed 3 to win.  He touched the ball and ran two runs.

At the top of his motivation,  Aditya threw the ball some 5 feet away directly at the make-shift stumps!

Baba was out, but elated at this amazing feat by Aditya who once had no ability to throw the ball at all!

Baba then gave Aditya the reward of a ride on his back.... but it was not an ordinary ride.  Baba was a stick shift BMW that Aditya operated using a table tennis stick racket upside down!  Neutral to 1st, back to neutral, switch to 2nd, back to neutral... and so on!

What a refreshing way to begin our day!

Swim Lessons

I wrote this post a week ago and forgot to publish it!
Both kids started swim lessons at our community pool last week, for the very first time ever! They were very excited, from the get go. The teacher is a sweet, awesome looking 20-something, who has no idea of his diagnosis whatsoever. I decided to wait it out and tell her, only if I felt the need to.
The first lesson went very smooth. From the second lesson onward, Aditya was extremely friendly, chatty and even wanted to show off. Initially teacher Ruth counted how long he could hold his breath, then asked him to count while she demonstrated. "Well, which language do you want me to count in?"
R: "Whatever you are comfortable with!"
A: "This time I'll count in German. But I can count only up to 40 in German." and they both laughed.
When he was doing a back float, he started counting in French (which he remembered only till 10) and easily switched to English starting 11. No second guessing himself, no judging himself for not remembering. How cool is that!
He was highly social, interactive and chatty throughout all lessons till date (Today was the fourth). He even told her once that it didn't seem as scary when she showed him how to do something, but when he tried, he was scared of drowning. "I know you won't let me drown, but I am still scared for my life!"
I can see him being challenged (physically) like never before, but he is so motivated that he can move mountains.
Today, as he was relaxing after his lesson, he started telling me (rather, bragging) how he went over to the deeper end for a safety lesson. He then narrated everything that happened in that half hour. Unprompted! And I had been standing right there the whole time, so I knew that he was telling everything - leaving out neither the part where he felt scared nor where he could go for 12 seconds when asked to go for only 10. And he told it all because he felt like sharing it with me! YAY!

Assertive, silly, expressive, and reading body language!

1. Aai is in the kitchen and calls Aditya for something. "But I am playing the guitar", replies Aditya while still playing the guitar!

2. In a play date with a 8 year old girl who has been playing with him once in a while for over a year now... he became the dog and walked around on all fours with her. When they were home, the dog owner became busy with cooking something for the dog. She almost ism'ed if you looked at it from his viewpoint! "Arf arf" the dog said after a while as if to get the owner's attention!

3. In a play session with Baba he dictated the recipe of a french toast with roasted almonds on the side... once they were done writing it on the dry erase board, Baba commented that he had run out of space, then looked with excitement at another dry erase board in the room. Aditya sprang into action, understanding this was a cue to go get that board... so he could continue dictating the rest of the recipe!

Later, we made the french toast together.  Once the almonds were roasted and ready to be served, he used a marker to remove them from the toy pizza pan that we had used for roasting the almonds. As he did that he commented, "I am using this like a hockey stick". Delighted at this expression explosion, Baba began smiling and celebrating him for saying that. Then he said how he began laughing as if it was a joke. Aditya responded with a gentle look and a giggle and said, "Yeah I was being silly".

4. Every once in a while when he is talking to us about his latest imagination... the ADAX car making company that makes all kinds of environment-friendly solar and electric and water based cars.... if we look like we want to add in a comment, he asks, "what?" How beautiful!!!

He used a metaphor!

It was bed time, and Aai was telling the twins what a fun day she had had with them, playing in the playroom with Aditya (once within a dual session along with Baba and one more time by herself), as well as with Shreya. She added that she had the best time when the three of them played Goblet in the evening!

She finished this with a hug, kiss and "Good Night, kids!"

Aditya said, "Yeah, good night. The Sun is playing Goblet with the Moon right now." WHAT! He just used a metaphor! This is such a profound change in our boy!

THANK YOU ADITYA, and thank you Son Rise program!

(A little bit about the game of Goblet: Gobblet plays just like Tic-Tac-Toe except that you can gobble up your opponent and move your pieces around the board.   You may read more about it here:  Goblet)

An abnormally "normal" weekend!

If someone had told me about it on Friday, I would have laughed it off.  But how we actually spent this last weekend was nothing short of "normal"... in fact, a notch better.

Our usual schedule for Saturday is for two of our volunteers to come play with Aditya, and receive feedback and/or training.  One of them was R, our youngest volunteer so far, who turned 16 on Saturday, so she had asked for the day off  (And, of course,  the twins presented her with hand made cards on Friday).  Another volunteer M had also asked to take the day off.

As a result there was no plan and no structure, and we (Aai, Baba) actually loved this break from the routine.  The usual Saturday morning involves Aai going to the local farmers' market and get fresh vegetables, fruits, and pastured eggs.  This Saturday, the rest of the family joined in!  (Aditya was given the choice to say NO to this shopping experience but he wanted to go!)

At the market, Aditya was (as usual) fascinated as he looked at the musician who was taking turns playing his electric guitar, the sax, and the flute.   ("Tenor Sax!" he exclaimed as the musician began playing his sax. Baba went up to the musician who said it was indeed the Tenor Sax!)

We then sampled some strawberries, blackberries, a little bit of other summer fruits like peaches and plums.  (We do not eat or let the kids eat unlimited fruit, as that would cause a sugar overload.) We finished the trip with some avocado-shopping, and returned home.

Once we were home, everybody did their bit to put away the produce we just bought.  Baba then took the garbage out, while Aai cooked lunch.  Since we were not hungry as yet, we asked the kids if they could wait until later so we could do something we had been thinking of doing for the last several months-- fix the book case in the living room.  (We had bought and assembled it in December only to realize we had not done a perfect job with the assembly.)

The twins spent the next hour playing really well together!  Both Aai and Baba are now used to it, but we feel SO GRATEFUL for it! Seriously, neither of us ever played this easily with our own brothers!

Because Aai-Baba decided to try fixing the book shelf without "needing" to fix it, they fixed it way more easily than they imagined!

And then... Baba announced a surprise!

 We would be watching the Disney CARS movie as a family!

We sat down in the living room and played CARS on our laptop, and everyone had a blast!  Some cool things noticed during this period:
1.  Aditya followed and understood the story
2.  When in doubt, he asked OR if we suspected the kids were not understanding it, we would let them know we were going to pause the video, then pause the video, then ask them if they understood.  If not, we would explain, and then move on.  Except in one or two situations, Aditya was okay with these interruptions as well.  (Although interrupting a movie may not sound like the greatest idea, this is necessary so that Aditya knows the "context" around why something is happening.)
3. Both Aditya and Sister rooted for Lightening McQueen!
4. In the end where McQueen gave up his Number 1 position to help push the retiring old guy No.43 to the end of the race, we exclaimed how cool it was of him to be an awesome friend and not be only focused on winning the race.  Aditya responded, "Yeah, that's like Son Rise!"

After the movie everyone announced that they loved it!

(This is only the second movie we have watched in the last 1 year)

We finished Saturday with a bike ride and dinner at a nearby South Indian restaurant. (They serve gluten free food that also happens to be delicious!)  During the bike ride, Aditya was super flexible about sharing his new 20 inch bike with sister whose bike had a flat tire!

At the restaurant, which was specially crowded, Baba complained of the noise.  Not Aditya.  He was busy drawing with his crayons and later devouring his food!

On Sunday, Aai Baba decided to get out of their own comfort zone a bit more, and reach out to a family we know.  We called them, decided to meet them for a park play date and a picnic!  (Their two sons are about the same age as our twins.)

Next, we did a family meeting where Baba announced plans for the picnic and park play date in the evening.  We then passed the microphone around saying what it is that we were excited about.  Aai said she was very excited about meeting her friend and catching up with her! Aditya said he was excited about riding his 20 inch bike at the park, as well as the "Boating" experience that the park offers in the summer.  Sister, the social butterfly that she is, said she was really excited about meeting the two boys who she had not met for years!  Baba mentioned he was super excited about the boating, meeting the family friends, and his friend E (the dad of V and V) who works at the company that makes Turbo Tax (Aditya loves knowing names of companies where people we know work)!

We then also signed up to do things to make this a successful experience.  Baba signed up to make lunch.  Aai signed up to make dinner that we would then take to the picnic.  Sister signed up to make a list of toys and other supplies to take to the picnic, while Aditya signed up to actually gather the stuff on the list.  We also agreed that we would not tell others how to do their job, but could always ask each other for help or advice!

The preparations went extremely smoothly once everyone had signed up for jobs and were only responsible for those things... similar to the agile software firm where Baba works:-)

Okay, to be honest, Baba got exhausted (LOL:-)  from making lunch and answering Aditya's "is this food legal/ illegal on SCD/GAPS/ Gluten Free/ Real Foods Diet?" questions and sometimes reminding him that "diet related questions" were "playroom questions" and he wanted to make lunch so everyone could go for the picnic tonight.  (Aai then gave him a break so he could make  tea for himself and call up his own brother)

Finally, the family left for the picnic an hour later than we had decided.  As a result, we would have to choose between visiting the bike shop to fix Sister's flat tire and going to the park in time for the boat ride.  (Boating would close soon.)  Sister voted to go boating, so that is what we did.  At this point Aditya got anxious and said he really had to bike.  After a couple of times of Baba telling him that he could do that but we would first go do the boat ride, he seemed to understand.

Once at the park, though, we saw a totally new child.  He asked twice when we would go boating.  Once we told him "after the other family is here" he never asked again.

Lately he has been showing an interest in  birds.  He also is findings answers to questions like... is pigeon a bird? What about the lizard, the lion, and the duck?  (To another 7 year old it may be obvious but it is not to him. And that is fine. That is who he is.  The cool thing is he is now interested so he is finding out!)  How does a parrot look? Is it shaped like an airplane (since it flies)?  Is a crow smarter or a sparrow? Who is friendlier?

During the bike ride and at the park, he took a great interest as he saw the sparrow, the pigeon, the crane, the duck, the swan, the seagull, etc, for what seemed like the first time in 7 years!

Once our friends showed up, Aditya seemed to be excited about the arrival of his old time friend V.  (Actually V also had a play date last year with Aditya where the boys played a game of soccer followed by a game of Funglish.)  He then went up to him and waved to V saying Hi, although he did that in a "sudden" way that looked "different".

The kids then all stood next to the deck and watched different things in the lake... from swans to the paddle boats.   Apparently A said to V that they were going to kayak, at which V laughed, and A seemed to take it sportingly!

A little later, we began the paddle-boating experience.  Aditya and sister were disappointed to know they could not reach up to the paddles.  But with Aai Baba's assistance they later took turns sitting in Aai-Baba's laps and paddling and steering the boat.  We had a great time doing this for the next 30 minutes.

Once out of the boat, not just Aditya but all the kids asked, "when can we bike?"

We then biked and walked around the lake for the next almost 40 minutes, with Aditya and the two boys on the bike.  Sister walked and also earned some piggy back rides from Baba for being so flexible about her bike!

News Flash:  usually the sight of Baba giving her a piggy back ride leads to Aditya giving up his bike right away and asking for a piggy back ride.  Not so today.  He said he would rather bike!  Assertion! Even definance?  Boy-ish traits that are SO WELCOME!  However, he made sure to go not too far away chasing  V (who seemed to have zoomed away, with his own dad following him on foot).

The 40 minute ride clearly exhausted him.  More than the other kids, we thought. In any case, he played cricket and kicked around the soccer ball for a few more minutes, and then once dinner was served, he did not stop eating until he was done!

In the end, he remembered to say Bye to V and V and their parents too!

And on the way to the car he asked when we were going to see them again!  "Can you believe it?" said a part of me.  "Of course!" said the other:-)

Once we all sat in the car, Baba announced he had had a blast... who else?  "Me" said the twins and Aai right away!

We have been wanting this experience for years now.  We have worked for it,  but were not unhappy when we did not get it.

If we had become (and stayed) unhappy about it, we would never see this day!

Thank you Aditya.  Thank you Shreya.  And the biggest thank you to "Son Rise"!

Expressive (and mature)!

Baba was speaking on the phone to Aditya and asked how his play session was with a new volunteer. 

"Okay"

"What do you mean? Did you have fun playing?"

"I had some fun. She was just sitting. She was not participating much. I think she needs more training."

Witnessed today

This evening, as I walked back into the house after talking to my neighbor across the street, I saw Aditya munching on a foot-long cucumber. I had served him an evening snack and gone out the door for a few minutes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Until now, he would wait for me to return and ask for permission to eat something more. When I cheered him for taking care of himself, he blushed and told me that he was too hungry to wait for me. There was no anxiety, no doubting his own decision .. only confidence oozing out of this young fellow!
As I have been training new volunteers over the last couple weeks, Aditya has been in and out of the room in between feedback sessions. I used to have his snack ready on the table most of the time. Once last week, I forgot to put it out. After the volunteer left, I apologized to him. "Well, that's ok. I just picked a plum and had it for snack!" That was the last day I ever decided what his snack would be. He has not asked me for one, waited for my approval or even told me once he was done.
I have now seen it consistently enough that I really feel elated! He is no longer anxious or looking for our approval before taking care of his basic needs. In fact, he is assertive and defends his choices :)

Today, sister was upset about a cancelled playdate. As Aditya came out of the playroom after two back to back sessions, she was whining, "Mom, I am too bored! I wish I had a friend to play with."
"Hey Aditya, Your sister wants to play with somebody. Do you think you can be that friend she can play with? "
"Sure, Shreya .. Let's play something of your choice. "
"How about doggie?", she asked.
Aditya : "Ruff Ruf ... Ruff .. "

And off they went into the playroom .....

I think that he was able to connect more strongly to her because he had his fix ... four hours of solid playroom time. I am feeling good about our growing team and the increased playroom hours he will be getting .. more loving, joining, challenging and growth for Aditya! Woohoooo!

End of the school year!

Today was the last day of school for the kids! Aditya is now a first grader and sister a second grader:)

The kids had planned the day in advance, right from what they would wear to school to what they would have for lunch and dinner :) Aditya came home with baba after school, while sister went out for lunch with me.

The kids were eagerly waiting for Baba as he came home from work later this evening. As soon as he stepped into the house, Aditya called out to his sister to form an arch with their arms and asked Baba to pass under it. :) It was totally spontaneous and purposeless! YAY!

Just before I started cooking dinner, I asked the kids if I could switch something on their menu for a dish Baba liked. After all, I reasoned, he chose to work from home this morning so he could come to Aditya's Kinder closing ceremony and Shreya could have lunch with me. Both agreed to surprise Baba with something he loved. Sweet!

At the dinner table, Aditya said to him,"We have a special dish of your choice to say thanks for aiding in our class!" I was amazed .. where did this come from? Very very sweet!

The last course was home made chocolate ice cream. As I served it, Aditya said,"Now let us close our eyes and make a wish for our family and then take a bite. Make a wish for our grandparents and take another bite. Make a last wish for yourself and enjoy the rest." Wow! We have never prayed at the dinner table like this! It never occured to us, it is not a custom we are familiar with. We were dumbfounded as he led us through this. We then realized that he was recreating an experience he has had at school. This is very similar to what they do before enjoying birthday treats! "First make a wish for the birthday child, take a bite, make a wish for the child's family and take a bite, lastly make a wish for yourself, take a bite and enjoy the rest!" We then talked a little about what we wished .. for ourselves and for the world.
Never wish for too little .. want to your heart's content .. need nothing!