Aditya gifted us today with another beautiful moment! During dinner tonight Aditya suddenly began to look intently and mischievously at the bowl of home made yogurt (all of us in the family are NUTS about home made yogurt aka DAHI).
I was quite honestly surprised at this move and smiled back whole heartedly.
"Guess what do I want" came the reply.
I happily obliged and answered him, and in fact told him he was getting two scoops instead of one for conveying what he wants with his "Eye Power". (Eye Power is his way of helping his tired friends pull off feats like reaching out to the topmost shelf to get him a toy.) He smiled back and gave me lots of beautiful eye contact!
Aditya continued to play the game with Mom and (after a few weeks of a hiatus) raised his eye brows as well in the process.
Way to go!
My heart is filled with lots of love at this moment! Thanks Aditya for this lovely experience!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
His First Joke!
This week, Aditya has been very playful and constantly twisting words, and more importantly, allowing us to twist words in unexpected ways, such as the "One Boy Many BAY One Juice Many JEES" game described in the last post.
This week, Aditya took another important step. Well, first he took a few more steps by learning to count 1 to 20 in Spanish (maybe this is 1 to 80 actually, I am just not sure at this time) and count 1 to 10 in French and Sanskrit!
Then one morning in the playroom... Aditya said, "I want to speak a new language. I want to speak Moon-skrit". I burst into a genuine and hearty laugh the way I would with any other friend. A PRICELESS moment!
By the way, he continued to demand eye contact from Mom. PRICELESS, too!
This week, Aditya took another important step. Well, first he took a few more steps by learning to count 1 to 20 in Spanish (maybe this is 1 to 80 actually, I am just not sure at this time) and count 1 to 10 in French and Sanskrit!
Then one morning in the playroom... Aditya said, "I want to speak a new language. I want to speak Moon-skrit". I burst into a genuine and hearty laugh the way I would with any other friend. A PRICELESS moment!
By the way, he continued to demand eye contact from Mom. PRICELESS, too!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Long time, lots of news!
Blogging after a really long gap.
A lot has been happening.
1. Aditya's Son Rise program now consistently going at 15-20 hours per week
2. Aditya's Aaji-Ajoba (grandparents) are here. Love and acceptance are built in when God makes grandparents:-)
On a serious note, grandpa did some training with me over the last few days and has begun Son-Rising with Aditya whenever he is outside of the playroom
3. Aditya's Mom did her Startup training this week at the Option Institute in Sheffield, MA. Through this week Aditya questioned whether his Mom would really come back, and on answering YES he would question if Mom would come back or some other woman. (Wow! This guy's really showing signs he will become a detective agent!) However once he met her at the airport he did not want to leave her! He said "I love you" at least a couple of times, and on another occasion said: "Look at me Mom". That's right. Aditya asked for eye contact. Oh, and he also loved the harmonica (mouth organ) that Mom got for him from the Option Institute.
4. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad (while Mom was away) was fun and at the same time a realization of the challenges my wonderful wife has every day! Nevertheless, I enjoyed every minute I spent with the twins and in doing the chores. I also spent 6 sweet hours in the playroom with Aditya.
5. Based on feedback received by Mom at the startup, for the last 3 days of this week we tried to give Aditya 4 to 6 hours at a stretch in the play room rather than a couple of hours here and there. (You must boil eggs for 10 minutes at a stretch, you cannot really do it for 5 minutes now and 5 minutes later.) I believe this is already working well. As a side effect (no complaints by the way:-) Aditya eats voraciously after and between these sessions, instead of mostly talking and hardly eating which he did when he was doing Son Rise "once in a while".
6. One of the most significant accomplishments in terms of flexibility: this week Aditya and I played a game where initially he said things like "One man many men, one woman many women, one cup many cups". I joined him, and so it became the usual Son Rise conversation.
A little later, he started twisting words e.g. "One boy many BAY, one toy many TAY". I joined enthusiastically by saying things like "one box many BAKES and one water many WOOTER". (Yeah right, grammar goes out the window. At this stage for him learning flexibility is INFINITELY more important than learning grammar.) I was pleasantly surprised to see that he thoroughly enjoyed my expansions, laughed hysterically, and went on to twist more words e.g. "One dog many DEG". He has lately started allowing us to say jokes but mostly jokes that he already knows about, as he would get upset in the end of a new joke. (Why? Because a joke usually ends with a mild shock when something unexpected happens, but when you have autism you HATE anything unexpected.) On that background we are excited to note that he now not only allows but even enjoys my twisting words the way I want, mostly in unexpected ways!
7. We wished our wonderful volunteer Krishna a Happy Birthday! Aditya spoke to him in a way much more typical than he does usually with him. No kidding, Krishna actually mistook him for his twin sister in the beginning of that call.
8. Son Rise teachers advised us that Aditya's repetitive questioning is an ISM but the WHY that usually follows is a green light. This is great, because this gives us lots of opportunities to expand. We will be working on this enthusiastically!
9. By the way after receiving Mom at the airport today we went to a restaurant to eat. As is customary, the kids received pictures and crayons to color while waiting for food.
A year ago... Aditya would not TOUCH his crayons and paper, and he would not care if we threw them away in trash. Then about six months ago when we first used the Son Rise approach with him in the restaurant situation, he enthusiastically drew a vacuum cleaner on the picture book that had a picture of a boy and a girl on it. And today, the first thing he did with the crayons was say "this girl has blonde hair" and colored the girl's hair in yellow. Also, in the end he asked to take home his picture book and crayons.
10. There is a mirror now in the playroom, and team members are reporting this has made eye contact easier. We also fixed the shelves that had come down. Actually I had used the wrong anchors. (Son Rise has motivated me to learn some new skills here... I am not a guy who loves DIY:-)
In conclusion, we have had three or so very happening and very satisfying weeks in terms of Aditya's progress.
A lot has been happening.
1. Aditya's Son Rise program now consistently going at 15-20 hours per week
2. Aditya's Aaji-Ajoba (grandparents) are here. Love and acceptance are built in when God makes grandparents:-)
On a serious note, grandpa did some training with me over the last few days and has begun Son-Rising with Aditya whenever he is outside of the playroom
3. Aditya's Mom did her Startup training this week at the Option Institute in Sheffield, MA. Through this week Aditya questioned whether his Mom would really come back, and on answering YES he would question if Mom would come back or some other woman. (Wow! This guy's really showing signs he will become a detective agent!) However once he met her at the airport he did not want to leave her! He said "I love you" at least a couple of times, and on another occasion said: "Look at me Mom". That's right. Aditya asked for eye contact. Oh, and he also loved the harmonica (mouth organ) that Mom got for him from the Option Institute.
4. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad (while Mom was away) was fun and at the same time a realization of the challenges my wonderful wife has every day! Nevertheless, I enjoyed every minute I spent with the twins and in doing the chores. I also spent 6 sweet hours in the playroom with Aditya.
5. Based on feedback received by Mom at the startup, for the last 3 days of this week we tried to give Aditya 4 to 6 hours at a stretch in the play room rather than a couple of hours here and there. (You must boil eggs for 10 minutes at a stretch, you cannot really do it for 5 minutes now and 5 minutes later.) I believe this is already working well. As a side effect (no complaints by the way:-) Aditya eats voraciously after and between these sessions, instead of mostly talking and hardly eating which he did when he was doing Son Rise "once in a while".
6. One of the most significant accomplishments in terms of flexibility: this week Aditya and I played a game where initially he said things like "One man many men, one woman many women, one cup many cups". I joined him, and so it became the usual Son Rise conversation.
A little later, he started twisting words e.g. "One boy many BAY, one toy many TAY". I joined enthusiastically by saying things like "one box many BAKES and one water many WOOTER". (Yeah right, grammar goes out the window. At this stage for him learning flexibility is INFINITELY more important than learning grammar.) I was pleasantly surprised to see that he thoroughly enjoyed my expansions, laughed hysterically, and went on to twist more words e.g. "One dog many DEG". He has lately started allowing us to say jokes but mostly jokes that he already knows about, as he would get upset in the end of a new joke. (Why? Because a joke usually ends with a mild shock when something unexpected happens, but when you have autism you HATE anything unexpected.) On that background we are excited to note that he now not only allows but even enjoys my twisting words the way I want, mostly in unexpected ways!
7. We wished our wonderful volunteer Krishna a Happy Birthday! Aditya spoke to him in a way much more typical than he does usually with him. No kidding, Krishna actually mistook him for his twin sister in the beginning of that call.
8. Son Rise teachers advised us that Aditya's repetitive questioning is an ISM but the WHY that usually follows is a green light. This is great, because this gives us lots of opportunities to expand. We will be working on this enthusiastically!
9. By the way after receiving Mom at the airport today we went to a restaurant to eat. As is customary, the kids received pictures and crayons to color while waiting for food.
A year ago... Aditya would not TOUCH his crayons and paper, and he would not care if we threw them away in trash. Then about six months ago when we first used the Son Rise approach with him in the restaurant situation, he enthusiastically drew a vacuum cleaner on the picture book that had a picture of a boy and a girl on it. And today, the first thing he did with the crayons was say "this girl has blonde hair" and colored the girl's hair in yellow. Also, in the end he asked to take home his picture book and crayons.
10. There is a mirror now in the playroom, and team members are reporting this has made eye contact easier. We also fixed the shelves that had come down. Actually I had used the wrong anchors. (Son Rise has motivated me to learn some new skills here... I am not a guy who loves DIY:-)
In conclusion, we have had three or so very happening and very satisfying weeks in terms of Aditya's progress.
Friday, November 20, 2009
He already has his secrets!
This post is not so much about Son Rise, but Aditya already has his secrets which only he and two of our team members understand. Brenda and Michel and Aditya have been talking and writing Spanish words for a few days now.
Yesterday, Aditya wrote the 12 months in Spanish, with Brenda responding (NOT directing) to his requests for "what's the next month" using Spanish letters and numbers. Really, Spanish... not English e.g. "Esse", and not "S"
Yesterday, Aditya wrote the 12 months in Spanish, with Brenda responding (NOT directing) to his requests for "what's the next month" using Spanish letters and numbers. Really, Spanish... not English e.g. "Esse", and not "S"
Thursday, November 19, 2009
When in doubt... JOIN!
The team has been doing well after the last meeting. We continue to look for improvement opportunities, but most of us team members are already focusing a lot more on "recognizing" Aditya's isms.
When he ism's we are patiently listening and joining. When in doubt, we are trying to join rather than trying to expand. Perhaps we are being conservative here and not capitalizing on expansion opportunities that come when he does show readiness to move on.
However, we think this is better than trying to challenge him to leave his comfort zone when he is not ready.
By the way, we did 15 Son Rise hours for 2 weeks, and then 19 hours last week.
This week the number of hours will probably be less, as we (Aditya and family) have been having minor "seasonal" health issues.
However, as long as we keep improving the quality of how we interact with Aditya, the number of Son Rise hours is a relatively less important issue.
When he ism's we are patiently listening and joining. When in doubt, we are trying to join rather than trying to expand. Perhaps we are being conservative here and not capitalizing on expansion opportunities that come when he does show readiness to move on.
However, we think this is better than trying to challenge him to leave his comfort zone when he is not ready.
By the way, we did 15 Son Rise hours for 2 weeks, and then 19 hours last week.
This week the number of hours will probably be less, as we (Aditya and family) have been having minor "seasonal" health issues.
However, as long as we keep improving the quality of how we interact with Aditya, the number of Son Rise hours is a relatively less important issue.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Motor skills and social interactions!
This morning, while going to work, I heard the following story on National Public Radio: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120275194&ft=1&f=1001
Here is an excerpt:
The handwriting issue on its own is a major impediment for many children with autism, Bastian says. But it's also indicative of a much larger problem with motor skills, she says. Many have trouble holding a fork, buttoning a shirt, or tying their shoelaces.
And these problems with motor skills may carry over into social interactions, Bastian says.
"These are the kids that are going to get picked last for kickball," she says. "These are the kids who are clumsy, who already have difficulty relating to other kids. And the motor component probably makes things worse."
Bastian says a lack of motor skills can also make it harder to communicate through subtle gestures and facial expressions. And people who can't make these gestures and expressions themselves often have trouble understanding what they mean when other people use them. The inability to read faces and gestures is a hallmark of autism.
____________________
So, researchers think there is this link between motor skills and social skills. That's great news... especially since Aditya has acquired quite a few motor skills during his Son Rise program.
Especially worth mentioning is the day on which, and this was within the first few weeks of his program (much before we launched this blog)... we played with Aditya for about 30 minutes during which he learned to cut!
That's right. 30 minutes is what it took this young man with a diagnosis of autism to cut through the diameter of a paper plate. Actually, 30 minutes is what it took him to pick up the pair of scissors. 2 minutes to cut the plate into two.
How did that happen? What were we doing with that plate?
We were having an animated discussion about one of his all time fascinations- the fan! As he spoke about different kinds of fans and where he has seen them (lots of them in India!) I asked him if he knew about the hand-held fan. This peaked his interest, and in a few minutes we were ready to make a hand-held fan out of a paper plate and a plastic spoon for its handle.
In her CD "Special Children, Special Solutions" Mrs Samharia Kaufman speaks about children who in their Son Rise programs, learned to do things they were never supposed to do... as if they forgot they were not supposed to know these things!
While we never really thought that Aditya would never cut through a plate, we were elated when Aditya forgot the "scientific" fact that he has motor delays and instead chose to ferociously cut through the 6 inch paper plate!
Oh... and by the way, at that time, Aditya was going to school, and in his IEP there was a goal: Aditya would cut a 4 inch line IN ONE YEAR.
Oh... and by the way, now our walls are filled with fans, wheels, cell-phones, cars, boomboxes, and lately, flowers and animals too:-)
Long live the Son Rise program, and long live the Option Institute- a place for miracles!
Here is an excerpt:
The handwriting issue on its own is a major impediment for many children with autism, Bastian says. But it's also indicative of a much larger problem with motor skills, she says. Many have trouble holding a fork, buttoning a shirt, or tying their shoelaces.
And these problems with motor skills may carry over into social interactions, Bastian says.
"These are the kids that are going to get picked last for kickball," she says. "These are the kids who are clumsy, who already have difficulty relating to other kids. And the motor component probably makes things worse."
Bastian says a lack of motor skills can also make it harder to communicate through subtle gestures and facial expressions. And people who can't make these gestures and expressions themselves often have trouble understanding what they mean when other people use them. The inability to read faces and gestures is a hallmark of autism.
____________________
So, researchers think there is this link between motor skills and social skills. That's great news... especially since Aditya has acquired quite a few motor skills during his Son Rise program.
Especially worth mentioning is the day on which, and this was within the first few weeks of his program (much before we launched this blog)... we played with Aditya for about 30 minutes during which he learned to cut!
That's right. 30 minutes is what it took this young man with a diagnosis of autism to cut through the diameter of a paper plate. Actually, 30 minutes is what it took him to pick up the pair of scissors. 2 minutes to cut the plate into two.
How did that happen? What were we doing with that plate?
We were having an animated discussion about one of his all time fascinations- the fan! As he spoke about different kinds of fans and where he has seen them (lots of them in India!) I asked him if he knew about the hand-held fan. This peaked his interest, and in a few minutes we were ready to make a hand-held fan out of a paper plate and a plastic spoon for its handle.
In her CD "Special Children, Special Solutions" Mrs Samharia Kaufman speaks about children who in their Son Rise programs, learned to do things they were never supposed to do... as if they forgot they were not supposed to know these things!
While we never really thought that Aditya would never cut through a plate, we were elated when Aditya forgot the "scientific" fact that he has motor delays and instead chose to ferociously cut through the 6 inch paper plate!
Oh... and by the way, at that time, Aditya was going to school, and in his IEP there was a goal: Aditya would cut a 4 inch line IN ONE YEAR.
Oh... and by the way, now our walls are filled with fans, wheels, cell-phones, cars, boomboxes, and lately, flowers and animals too:-)
Long live the Son Rise program, and long live the Option Institute- a place for miracles!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Robin's brother raised his eye-brows!
As we prepared for our team meeting, we also took stock of how Aditya changed in the last 3 weeks.
Two of those changes are especially worth celebrating for us!
1) Aditya has begun spinning tales!
One fine day, he came up with this all by himself... of course... he said it all as part of a Q&A session, which we do several times a day!
I have a brother.
Robin is his name.
He is 34, his wife 35.
They stay in Fremont.
His wife's name- JaBaaJee
He has a son- JabaJa
Has a daughter- JaBeeJa
2) For the first time ever... Aditya raised his eye-brows! Never done it before or after that moment. (Never before... something I realized as soon as he did it! Never after... well who knows:-))
It happened during a bed time story as we looked at and discussed the picture of a boy looking surprised with raised eye brows.
Of course, since that time he has been asking me for raised eye-brows, sometimes requesting that my eye-brows fly in the sky (thanks to another picture of a VERY surprised child in the same book that had his raised eye-brows showing up slightly above his face).
When I say my eye-brows are part of my face and can't leave it, he loves to ask: "are they stuck to your face with glue or tape?"
Two of those changes are especially worth celebrating for us!
1) Aditya has begun spinning tales!
One fine day, he came up with this all by himself... of course... he said it all as part of a Q&A session, which we do several times a day!
I have a brother.
Robin is his name.
He is 34, his wife 35.
They stay in Fremont.
His wife's name- JaBaaJee
He has a son- JabaJa
Has a daughter- JaBeeJa
2) For the first time ever... Aditya raised his eye-brows! Never done it before or after that moment. (Never before... something I realized as soon as he did it! Never after... well who knows:-))
It happened during a bed time story as we looked at and discussed the picture of a boy looking surprised with raised eye brows.
Of course, since that time he has been asking me for raised eye-brows, sometimes requesting that my eye-brows fly in the sky (thanks to another picture of a VERY surprised child in the same book that had his raised eye-brows showing up slightly above his face).
When I say my eye-brows are part of my face and can't leave it, he loves to ask: "are they stuck to your face with glue or tape?"
Monday, November 9, 2009
Goals... for the team!
1) We shall celebrate eye contact on every occasion (not the same as "demanding" eye contact)
2) We will become super-responsive, super-predictable, extra-user-friendly "buttons"
3) We will resist the temptation to play the interrogator (ask too many questions). If we ask questions we will count to 15 before asking another question!
4) We will passionately JOIN when he is ism'ing (even if he repeats 100 times the same activity/ game/ topic/ question)
5) When we lose the green light, we shall JOIN, not EXPAND
Those are the goals for Aditya's Son Rise team, as set at the end of our very first team member meeting on Sunday.
Many thanks to Brenda, Michel, Krishna, Akshay and Gowri for making this meeting so interactive and fun! Mom and dad sure had lots of fun playing Aditya as all of you Son-Rised us one by one as we reviewed the fundamentals!
And oh... a huge WELCOME to Akshay and Gowri, our two new members:-)
2) We will become super-responsive, super-predictable, extra-user-friendly "buttons"
3) We will resist the temptation to play the interrogator (ask too many questions). If we ask questions we will count to 15 before asking another question!
4) We will passionately JOIN when he is ism'ing (even if he repeats 100 times the same activity/ game/ topic/ question)
5) When we lose the green light, we shall JOIN, not EXPAND
Those are the goals for Aditya's Son Rise team, as set at the end of our very first team member meeting on Sunday.
Many thanks to Brenda, Michel, Krishna, Akshay and Gowri for making this meeting so interactive and fun! Mom and dad sure had lots of fun playing Aditya as all of you Son-Rised us one by one as we reviewed the fundamentals!
And oh... a huge WELCOME to Akshay and Gowri, our two new members:-)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Ramping up!
When it was just us (Mom & Dad) doing the program, we were doing about 8 hours a week at best.
With 3 trained team members (Krishna, Michel and Brenda) on board, we clocked 15 hours last week for the first time.
Mom & Dad lately spent a lot of time watching the playroom and giving feedback... this week we plan to come back and get active again in the playroom.
The playroom:
1. Ikea shelves came down (fortunately when no one was around). Perhaps we put too much load on them. Need to fix these or buy shelving from a place like OSH or Home Depot.
2. Got a wireless internet camera to watch the program from outside the room.
With 3 trained team members (Krishna, Michel and Brenda) on board, we clocked 15 hours last week for the first time.
Mom & Dad lately spent a lot of time watching the playroom and giving feedback... this week we plan to come back and get active again in the playroom.
The playroom:
1. Ikea shelves came down (fortunately when no one was around). Perhaps we put too much load on them. Need to fix these or buy shelving from a place like OSH or Home Depot.
2. Got a wireless internet camera to watch the program from outside the room.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
ABA out, AaiBaba in!
As I published the last post... I also wondered about what used to be our major concerns when Aditya was turning 3.
"Won't ask any questions, age-appropriate or otherwise" was one of the several parental concerns we had submitted during our first IEP.
Back then, we were receiving ABA therapy for him from the Regional Center, and were imploring the local School District to continue with it.
Today... ABA is out; AaiBAba are in! (In Marathi, Aai = Mom and BAba = Dad).
A simple fix... but a very important one!
Because with it, came an attitudinal shift... such as...
Instead of pouncing on and correcting our son for not saying a full sentence (or whatever other children his age were doing at the time) we began celebrating him for what he did say!
Instead of holding him (or else he would try to escape) until he answered a question, we began letting him go where he wanted, then following him into his world!
Instead of following one unanswered question with another (in the hope that he would answer!) we stopped playing the interrogator, and started waiting for him until he came up with an answer.
Instead of saying "Don't ask me that again" we sat down, looked at him with excitement, and provided him the answers he needed to understand the world!
Turns out, he was waiting for an opportunity to ask questions, age-appropriate, and even otherwise:-)
"Won't ask any questions, age-appropriate or otherwise" was one of the several parental concerns we had submitted during our first IEP.
Back then, we were receiving ABA therapy for him from the Regional Center, and were imploring the local School District to continue with it.
Today... ABA is out; AaiBAba are in! (In Marathi, Aai = Mom and BAba = Dad).
A simple fix... but a very important one!
Because with it, came an attitudinal shift... such as...
Instead of pouncing on and correcting our son for not saying a full sentence (or whatever other children his age were doing at the time) we began celebrating him for what he did say!
Instead of holding him (or else he would try to escape) until he answered a question, we began letting him go where he wanted, then following him into his world!
Instead of following one unanswered question with another (in the hope that he would answer!) we stopped playing the interrogator, and started waiting for him until he came up with an answer.
Instead of saying "Don't ask me that again" we sat down, looked at him with excitement, and provided him the answers he needed to understand the world!
Turns out, he was waiting for an opportunity to ask questions, age-appropriate, and even otherwise:-)
Monday, October 26, 2009
"Puppies" for Dummies!
I Son-Rised today with Aditya over lunch which extended for about an hour and 15 minutes. There was not much we could do besides this animated discussion, but boy... what a discussion!
Here is a SMALL portion of it which I have tried to remember:
(Aditya's speech is identified with ALL UPPERCASE.)
"DO YOU LOVE ME YOU THINK SO OR YOU DON'T THINK SO?"
"I think so!"
"WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Spiders, trash, paper cups, plastic bags"
(The astute reader will recognize that these are things we put away in trash... don't freak out... we do recycle... but for him it's trash or similar to trash... so I want to be consistent and call all that is to be thrown away as things I don't love! I am hoping he is also getting the message: what or who I love will never go to the trash can)
"AND WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Used batteries, broken things, broken vacuum cleaner"
"AND?"
"Broken wireless routers and broken mattresses" I surrender as I remember about these favourite topics of discussion!
Aditya says BINGO! in his mind and puts on the hat of an FBI agent!
We discuss why the wires in the wireless router got broken and when will the wires in the wireless router that we presently use be broken. I do my best to provide a satisfactory and truthful answer. In the process I do ask him when will be the next time the glass of water on the table will topple. He says it won't topple. I say similarly the wireless router won't be broken.
Probably not convinced, he continues:
"WHICH MATTRESS DID YOU PUT IN IN THE DUMPSTER?"
I try to be as truthful as possible:
"The king size mattress from Murasaki Futons"
"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AWAY?'
"Because it had grown old"
"AND?"
"It had lots of folds"
"WHAT, BLISTERS?" (He probably hears FOAD which is Marathi means blisters.)
"No, folds"
"AND?"
"So I could not sleep in it
"AND?"
"And it could not be fixed"
"WHY IT COULD NOT BE FIXED"
I depart from the truth at this point, but have to make a U turn pretty soon, as explained below!
"I actually spoke to the guy in Murasaki Futons and said there are folds in the mattress, can you fix them?"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He said he can't fix it."
"IT'S BROKEN SO YOU RETURN IT TO THE STORE" pat comes the reply as he was told this the last time we returned something to a store.
"Yes we return it if it's new when it's broken. But the mattress was ooooold so they would not take it back!"
"WHY DID YOU RETURN THE TABLE TO WALMART?" Aditya points my attention to the fact that I also returned a corner table to Walmart a couple of days ago, even when it was not broken.
"Oh that table was too small so I got a big center table instead and returned the small table to Walmart"
"DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Yes!!"
"WHY DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Because I can put lots of stuff on it like cups of tea and snacks when people visit us."
"WILL YOU RETURN ME"
"No I won't return you"
"WHY YOU WON'T RETURN ME"
"I don't like to return my friends and my children." (Right, I want to say he is first and foremost my friend! )
"DO YOU LOVE ME?"
"Yes!"
"WHEN YOU WILL PUT ME IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Never!"
"WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Trash"
"AND DISPOSABLE THINGS?"
"Yes!"
"AM I DISPOSABLE?"
"No Aditya, only paper plates and cups.."
"AND PAPER SPOONS..."
"Yeah, and plastic spoons..."
"AND PLASTIC KNIVES..."
"Yes, and plastic knives!"
"NOT METAL CUPS AND SPOONS and KNIVES"
"Not metal cups and spoons and knives"
"AND NOT TOYS"
"And not children, not cats and dogs" ... at this point I hasten to make it clear I don't have any of those intentions!
"YEAH THEY ARE BIGGER THAN THE TRASH CAN" says he as he smiles!
"That's right Aditya, you are a smart boy!" I smile in return as I am glad he is convinced he is bigger than some things like the potty so he won't fall in. (He used to worry about this)
Just as I am thinking this, comes the question:
"AND PUPPIES?"
"No, we don't put puppies in the trash can"
"HOW DO I MAKE A PRUNE CAN I SHOW YOU"
(Yes, a new topic!)
"Yeah, tell me about it Aditya!"
"FIRST YOU TAKE A PLUM, YOU PUT IT IN THE SUN. IT BECOMES SMALL AND DRY, THEN YOU EAT IT."
His face lights up as he concludes his favorite recipe... recipes are cool... they NEVER change:)
"Yeah... and do you know what happens if you put a dog in the sun?" I ask a question almost as if a mad dog had bit me... seriously... I don't remember how I ended up asking this question right after the prune recipe!
"A PUPPY!"
"Yeah..... that's a good joke.....!!!!" I cannot stop laughing as I also marvel at the way he perceives the world!
Here is a SMALL portion of it which I have tried to remember:
(Aditya's speech is identified with ALL UPPERCASE.)
"DO YOU LOVE ME YOU THINK SO OR YOU DON'T THINK SO?"
"I think so!"
"WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Spiders, trash, paper cups, plastic bags"
(The astute reader will recognize that these are things we put away in trash... don't freak out... we do recycle... but for him it's trash or similar to trash... so I want to be consistent and call all that is to be thrown away as things I don't love! I am hoping he is also getting the message: what or who I love will never go to the trash can)
"AND WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Used batteries, broken things, broken vacuum cleaner"
"AND?"
"Broken wireless routers and broken mattresses" I surrender as I remember about these favourite topics of discussion!
Aditya says BINGO! in his mind and puts on the hat of an FBI agent!
We discuss why the wires in the wireless router got broken and when will the wires in the wireless router that we presently use be broken. I do my best to provide a satisfactory and truthful answer. In the process I do ask him when will be the next time the glass of water on the table will topple. He says it won't topple. I say similarly the wireless router won't be broken.
Probably not convinced, he continues:
"WHICH MATTRESS DID YOU PUT IN IN THE DUMPSTER?"
I try to be as truthful as possible:
"The king size mattress from Murasaki Futons"
"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AWAY?'
"Because it had grown old"
"AND?"
"It had lots of folds"
"WHAT, BLISTERS?" (He probably hears FOAD which is Marathi means blisters.)
"No, folds"
"AND?"
"So I could not sleep in it
"AND?"
"And it could not be fixed"
"WHY IT COULD NOT BE FIXED"
I depart from the truth at this point, but have to make a U turn pretty soon, as explained below!
"I actually spoke to the guy in Murasaki Futons and said there are folds in the mattress, can you fix them?"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He said he can't fix it."
"IT'S BROKEN SO YOU RETURN IT TO THE STORE" pat comes the reply as he was told this the last time we returned something to a store.
"Yes we return it if it's new when it's broken. But the mattress was ooooold so they would not take it back!"
"WHY DID YOU RETURN THE TABLE TO WALMART?" Aditya points my attention to the fact that I also returned a corner table to Walmart a couple of days ago, even when it was not broken.
"Oh that table was too small so I got a big center table instead and returned the small table to Walmart"
"DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Yes!!"
"WHY DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Because I can put lots of stuff on it like cups of tea and snacks when people visit us."
"WILL YOU RETURN ME"
"No I won't return you"
"WHY YOU WON'T RETURN ME"
"I don't like to return my friends and my children." (Right, I want to say he is first and foremost my friend! )
"DO YOU LOVE ME?"
"Yes!"
"WHEN YOU WILL PUT ME IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Never!"
"WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Trash"
"AND DISPOSABLE THINGS?"
"Yes!"
"AM I DISPOSABLE?"
"No Aditya, only paper plates and cups.."
"AND PAPER SPOONS..."
"Yeah, and plastic spoons..."
"AND PLASTIC KNIVES..."
"Yes, and plastic knives!"
"NOT METAL CUPS AND SPOONS and KNIVES"
"Not metal cups and spoons and knives"
"AND NOT TOYS"
"And not children, not cats and dogs" ... at this point I hasten to make it clear I don't have any of those intentions!
"YEAH THEY ARE BIGGER THAN THE TRASH CAN" says he as he smiles!
"That's right Aditya, you are a smart boy!" I smile in return as I am glad he is convinced he is bigger than some things like the potty so he won't fall in. (He used to worry about this)
Just as I am thinking this, comes the question:
"AND PUPPIES?"
"No, we don't put puppies in the trash can"
"HOW DO I MAKE A PRUNE CAN I SHOW YOU"
(Yes, a new topic!)
"Yeah, tell me about it Aditya!"
"FIRST YOU TAKE A PLUM, YOU PUT IT IN THE SUN. IT BECOMES SMALL AND DRY, THEN YOU EAT IT."
His face lights up as he concludes his favorite recipe... recipes are cool... they NEVER change:)
"Yeah... and do you know what happens if you put a dog in the sun?" I ask a question almost as if a mad dog had bit me... seriously... I don't remember how I ended up asking this question right after the prune recipe!
"A PUPPY!"
"Yeah..... that's a good joke.....!!!!" I cannot stop laughing as I also marvel at the way he perceives the world!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Attitude...
Yesterday, a discussion with another parent about our Sonrise program and (what seemed to be) sensory issues, was so compelling that I decided to write about our experience.
One of Aditya's challenges since he was a baby: Clipping nails. I remember trying to deal with this issue in various ways: reason, beg, bribe, command, ignore... were we tired! After reading more about the Son-Rise program, I decided to deal with this in an entirely different way. I wanted to see if the attitude change really did work for us. So...
Once while clipping his sis's nails, I casually told Aditya that it was OK to not clip his nails if he didn't wish to. He was surprised. He kept asking me if his nails weren't long enough, if there was no dirt under them, if there were no germs inside, if he wouldn't have a tummy ache if he bit on them ... everything I had tried telling him. So his nails grew for more than a month. We went through the same set of questions everytime he saw any of us clipping our nails.
and FINALLY.. one fine morning, he came to me and said,"I want to tell you something, Mommy.. can you clip my nails today?"
"???"
"Yes, can you clip my nails?"
"Well, only if you want to. It hurts me to see you cry."
"I am a big boy now. I promise to not cry today."
And he didn't! It has been two months today and I clip his nails only when he asks me to. Initially it was once every couple of weeks, but now it is every few days!
Hurray!
An elated mom!
One of Aditya's challenges since he was a baby: Clipping nails. I remember trying to deal with this issue in various ways: reason, beg, bribe, command, ignore... were we tired! After reading more about the Son-Rise program, I decided to deal with this in an entirely different way. I wanted to see if the attitude change really did work for us. So...
Once while clipping his sis's nails, I casually told Aditya that it was OK to not clip his nails if he didn't wish to. He was surprised. He kept asking me if his nails weren't long enough, if there was no dirt under them, if there were no germs inside, if he wouldn't have a tummy ache if he bit on them ... everything I had tried telling him. So his nails grew for more than a month. We went through the same set of questions everytime he saw any of us clipping our nails.
and FINALLY.. one fine morning, he came to me and said,"I want to tell you something, Mommy.. can you clip my nails today?"
"???"
"Yes, can you clip my nails?"
"Well, only if you want to. It hurts me to see you cry."
"I am a big boy now. I promise to not cry today."
And he didn't! It has been two months today and I clip his nails only when he asks me to. Initially it was once every couple of weeks, but now it is every few days!
Hurray!
An elated mom!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The dryer, again!
Yes... I am talking about the dryer again... because it is so worth it!
Aditya has done it!
We ordered a hair dryer from amazon which arrived in a box. Aditya sees the box, asks what's inside, when told about the hair dyer, asks to use the dryer!
MOM HAS TO STOP HIM from using the dryer on his own because it could be dangerous. She does help him though, and Aditya ends up drying his hair using what he has always known to be a scary mosnter and meticulously ordered to be avoided when getting his hair-cuts!
It took him about 15 minutes... but he followed through on his plans and changed his beliefs he had created in his mind since the time he had anything to do with a hair dryer.
Will he repeat the performance in a public restroom? I don't insist that he will... but I won't be surprised if he does.
Aditya has done it!
We ordered a hair dryer from amazon which arrived in a box. Aditya sees the box, asks what's inside, when told about the hair dyer, asks to use the dryer!
MOM HAS TO STOP HIM from using the dryer on his own because it could be dangerous. She does help him though, and Aditya ends up drying his hair using what he has always known to be a scary mosnter and meticulously ordered to be avoided when getting his hair-cuts!
It took him about 15 minutes... but he followed through on his plans and changed his beliefs he had created in his mind since the time he had anything to do with a hair dryer.
Will he repeat the performance in a public restroom? I don't insist that he will... but I won't be surprised if he does.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The festival of lights!
Here is wishing you all a very happy Diwali and a prosperous new year!!
We had our first team member training session on the first day of Diwali. What a perfect timing! Diwali (the festival of lights) has always been a very happy occasion for me, something which fills the heart with hope and inspiration!
Those festive lights are not just ordinary lights... they show the road ahead. A road with an infinite number of turns! A road that holds the promise of breathtaking views!
The lights that fill me with hope this year, are the faces of our own Son Rise team members. On Saturday as we went over the fundamentals of the Son Rise program, those faces lit up as we talked about how his ism's (also known as stims) can actually become the doorway through which he will walk into our world holding our hands!
On that note, a huge welcome to Krishna, Brenda, Michel-- our three team members who plan to be on our team for the next several months!
We had our first team member training session on the first day of Diwali. What a perfect timing! Diwali (the festival of lights) has always been a very happy occasion for me, something which fills the heart with hope and inspiration!
Those festive lights are not just ordinary lights... they show the road ahead. A road with an infinite number of turns! A road that holds the promise of breathtaking views!
The lights that fill me with hope this year, are the faces of our own Son Rise team members. On Saturday as we went over the fundamentals of the Son Rise program, those faces lit up as we talked about how his ism's (also known as stims) can actually become the doorway through which he will walk into our world holding our hands!
On that note, a huge welcome to Krishna, Brenda, Michel-- our three team members who plan to be on our team for the next several months!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I am not done talking about the dryer!
Looks like our visit to IKEA two Saturdays ago was only the beginning! Based on his success there, Aditya seems to have made long term plans about making friends with stimuli which he has always been afraid (even paranoid) of.
Two days ago, in the morning:
____________
Are I am (his way of saying "Am I") a big boy now?
YES, YOU ARE.
In IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES! YOU ARE A BRAVE BOY!
Are I am brave?
YES!
And I am not scared of the noise!
WOW... THAT IS WONDERFUL ADITYA. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!
I am not scared of children's noise! (Note: Aditya usually does not enjoy being in places such as birthday parties where he must play around kids who scream and run helter skelter all the time.)
WOW! THAT'S WONDERFUL!
________
Yesterday morning:
In the IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES ADITYA! YOU ARE A SUCH A BRAVE BOY!
....
_________________
Then, last night.....
We were interviewing someone for a position on our Son Rise program team. This person came across as just the right person as soon as we met her. But she literally clinched the position when...
_________________
At the end of our meeting, out came Aditya who is always excited to meet his "new friends" who call up and come home to find out: "CAN I PLAY WITH ADITYA?" (That's right... we let Aditya interview the person.)
So here he came, and as if he knew this person was about to get hired, he threw a question he has never done to anyone before.
Do you like FAN BLADES?
"Oh I love fan blades" said she!
And so the two new friends talked for 2 more minutes about fan blades and fans, and then suddenly Aditya remembered to tell her he was a brave boy, who did not feel afraid of the dryer.
At this point:
"That's great... and did you know that the dryer contains a fan too"- says she.
"Dryer contains a fan?" says Aditya who had most probably never thought about the hot air blowing noisy monster in this way!
"Yes, it contains a fan so it can blow air on our hands to make them dry!"
"OKAY" says Aditya with a smile!
"YEAH... we have to thank her because we did not know the dryer contains a fan too!" I pitch in at this point as I wondered about what she had just done! How did she know to connect the dryer (the Villain) to the fan (the HERO)?
"SO NEXT TIME I CAN USE THE DRYER!" says Aditya, still similing!
It is well known that the Son Rise program encourages parents to use the "option" process of looking at anything. But from our first hand experience, I think Aditya is clearly using the Option process... and doing it much better than us!
And to us, that's really the key benefit of doing this program. For us, it is not as important to see him actually use a dryer as it is to see him feel confident and comfortable about even thinking about it.... or about any other experience which he has been avoiding until now!
Two days ago, in the morning:
____________
Are I am (his way of saying "Am I") a big boy now?
YES, YOU ARE.
In IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES! YOU ARE A BRAVE BOY!
Are I am brave?
YES!
And I am not scared of the noise!
WOW... THAT IS WONDERFUL ADITYA. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!
I am not scared of children's noise! (Note: Aditya usually does not enjoy being in places such as birthday parties where he must play around kids who scream and run helter skelter all the time.)
WOW! THAT'S WONDERFUL!
________
Yesterday morning:
In the IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES ADITYA! YOU ARE A SUCH A BRAVE BOY!
....
_________________
Then, last night.....
We were interviewing someone for a position on our Son Rise program team. This person came across as just the right person as soon as we met her. But she literally clinched the position when...
_________________
At the end of our meeting, out came Aditya who is always excited to meet his "new friends" who call up and come home to find out: "CAN I PLAY WITH ADITYA?" (That's right... we let Aditya interview the person.)
So here he came, and as if he knew this person was about to get hired, he threw a question he has never done to anyone before.
Do you like FAN BLADES?
"Oh I love fan blades" said she!
And so the two new friends talked for 2 more minutes about fan blades and fans, and then suddenly Aditya remembered to tell her he was a brave boy, who did not feel afraid of the dryer.
At this point:
"That's great... and did you know that the dryer contains a fan too"- says she.
"Dryer contains a fan?" says Aditya who had most probably never thought about the hot air blowing noisy monster in this way!
"Yes, it contains a fan so it can blow air on our hands to make them dry!"
"OKAY" says Aditya with a smile!
"YEAH... we have to thank her because we did not know the dryer contains a fan too!" I pitch in at this point as I wondered about what she had just done! How did she know to connect the dryer (the Villain) to the fan (the HERO)?
"SO NEXT TIME I CAN USE THE DRYER!" says Aditya, still similing!
It is well known that the Son Rise program encourages parents to use the "option" process of looking at anything. But from our first hand experience, I think Aditya is clearly using the Option process... and doing it much better than us!
And to us, that's really the key benefit of doing this program. For us, it is not as important to see him actually use a dryer as it is to see him feel confident and comfortable about even thinking about it.... or about any other experience which he has been avoiding until now!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
You can do it, we can help!
So far we have 2 members in our team of volunteers who have committed to spending a few hours a week playing with Aditya.
Both of our volunteers are wonderful. I could easily write a page about each of them if I begin to talk about them! But basically these people:
1) are totally comfortable with playing what and how Aditya wants to play
2) love "joining" in with Aditya's chosen activity or topic of discussion to help him realize that his actions and words carry importance
3) love to innovate and gently introduce expansions that Aditya can "choose" if he feels like, in order to help him become flexible and comfortable with things or subjects outside of his fascinations
4) have a genuine desire to help Aditya "evaluate" if people are as cool as (and perhaps cooler than) his fascinations like vacuum cleaners, fans, trains, letters, numbers, etc
5) confident that ordinary people like them can help Aditya lose his diagnosis one day!
Wow, that's a lot of great qualities they have... but if I really look at them carefully... most of them are variants of just one thought: "YOU CAN DO IT, we can help".
Oh, wait... I think it's more like: "WE CAN DO IT... YOU can help!"
(YOU = Aditya)
Of course, we are still looking for volunteers, and just began looking for paid help too. Therefore if this seems exciting to you or someone you know, we would love to hear from you!
Both of our volunteers are wonderful. I could easily write a page about each of them if I begin to talk about them! But basically these people:
1) are totally comfortable with playing what and how Aditya wants to play
2) love "joining" in with Aditya's chosen activity or topic of discussion to help him realize that his actions and words carry importance
3) love to innovate and gently introduce expansions that Aditya can "choose" if he feels like, in order to help him become flexible and comfortable with things or subjects outside of his fascinations
4) have a genuine desire to help Aditya "evaluate" if people are as cool as (and perhaps cooler than) his fascinations like vacuum cleaners, fans, trains, letters, numbers, etc
5) confident that ordinary people like them can help Aditya lose his diagnosis one day!
Wow, that's a lot of great qualities they have... but if I really look at them carefully... most of them are variants of just one thought: "YOU CAN DO IT, we can help".
Oh, wait... I think it's more like: "WE CAN DO IT... YOU can help!"
(YOU = Aditya)
Of course, we are still looking for volunteers, and just began looking for paid help too. Therefore if this seems exciting to you or someone you know, we would love to hear from you!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
He is "growing"
Do you like to eat trash or do you like to eat food?
I like to eat food!
The vacuum cleaner likes to eat trash!
Yes, of course, except it doesn’t really eat it… it pretends to eat. You see, it’s an object!
Vacuum is an object?
Yeah, because the vacuum eats the trash but it doesn't grow! When people eat food, they grow! When you were born you were so small, but look how you have grown! You are a big boy!
Yeah. It doesn’t grow so it’s an object!
That’s right Aditya! Objects don’t grow, people and animals grow!
(At this point I am pleased I actually found a good way of explaining how to tell objects from living beings.)
< SILENCE >
And the grass grows too….
I like to eat food!
The vacuum cleaner likes to eat trash!
Yes, of course, except it doesn’t really eat it… it pretends to eat. You see, it’s an object!
Vacuum is an object?
Yeah, because the vacuum eats the trash but it doesn't grow! When people eat food, they grow! When you were born you were so small, but look how you have grown! You are a big boy!
Yeah. It doesn’t grow so it’s an object!
That’s right Aditya! Objects don’t grow, people and animals grow!
(At this point I am pleased I actually found a good way of explaining how to tell objects from living beings.)
< SILENCE >
And the grass grows too….
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friends
Aditya: Am I your friend?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why am I your friend?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
Me: YOU SHARE YOUR STUFF WITH ME!
And?
YOU LAUGH WITH ME
And?
YOU LOOK AT ME!
And?
YOU HUG ME
And?
YOU KISS ME
And?
YOU LOVE ME
And?
YOU EAT WITH ME
And?
YOU DRINK WITH ME
And?
YOU PLAY WITH ME
And?
...........
Aditya: Do I like you?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why do I like you?
Me: BECAUSE I PLAY WITH YOU!
Aditya: Do you like me?
Me: OH, I LOVE YOU!
Aditya: Why do you love me?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
.....
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."
- Socrates, Greek Philosopher
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why am I your friend?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
Me: YOU SHARE YOUR STUFF WITH ME!
And?
YOU LAUGH WITH ME
And?
YOU LOOK AT ME!
And?
YOU HUG ME
And?
YOU KISS ME
And?
YOU LOVE ME
And?
YOU EAT WITH ME
And?
YOU DRINK WITH ME
And?
YOU PLAY WITH ME
And?
...........
Aditya: Do I like you?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why do I like you?
Me: BECAUSE I PLAY WITH YOU!
Aditya: Do you like me?
Me: OH, I LOVE YOU!
Aditya: Why do you love me?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
.....
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."
- Socrates, Greek Philosopher
Saturday, October 3, 2009
He is changing!
Ever since I did the Son-Rise startup program at Option Institute, we pretty much stopped taking Aditya out into the hurly burly of shopping malls, restaurants, parties, etc. Actually, we didn't know it until now, but thanks to his newly acquired assertiveness, he clearly told us he would much rather stay home and play than go to any of these (crazy) places.
Today, we decided one of us had to go to Ikea and get some stuff in order to setup his Son Rise playroom. He over-heard the talk, and suggested he wanted to go, as Ikea is a place he likes, I guess, this is because he loves the Play Area there which has lots of sensory toys (e.g. things for sitting in and rotating, rocking on, jumping on, etc). Even as I knew this does not necessarily mean he is going to enjoy the "shopping" experience, we decided I would go with him today. We would avoid taking Shreya (his twin sister) to avoid conflicts ("should we do this now or that?")... instead Shreya would get special time at home with her mom.
The young man I saw today at Ikea was a different man from the last time we have been there. Without delay (as I am way too excited about this) I want to talk about the amazing things he did today.
1)
Last visit: I want to play (as soon as we entered IKEA)
Today: "If you want we can go play".
I say: "Yeah, I want to go to, right after we buy a rug here for your playroom"
Aditya: "Yeah, then if you want to go we can go play"
2)
Last visit: I want to eat Mac and Cheese (right after leaving the play area at IKEA)
Today: I am hungry (also after playing at IKEA)
3)
A year ago, on seeing a 6 month old baby: "Her hands are small and her feet are small too."
Today: "That's a small baby." .... AFTER A MINUTE... "She is cute!"
I am blown away, and ask: WHO IS CUTE?
Aditya: The Baby
4) Aditya: I shared the slide with the baby. Say YAAAAY. (I immediately say YAAAAY)
5) Aditya: Hey, this is a noisy place. Can we go? (I say "of course", and we get out of that particular section... then I realized I was hating that section too:-))
6) Aditya: (About our last visit) There were too many people in the family restroom so went in the triangle (men's) restroom. We did not use the dryer, we used tissues. (NOTE: Aditya is scared of dryers. He probably hates the sensation of a blast of hot air combined with the loud noise.)
I ask: That's right Aditya!
Aditya: So we will go to the triangle restroom and use the tissues.
I ask: Sure. You want to go now?
Aditya: Yes.
We go, and do our business as usual. A man uses the dryer as Aditya washes his hands. Aditya looks behind, then turns around and continues washing. The man continues to use the dryer. Aditya turns around again and says: "He is using the dryer."
(A year ago, he would scream and ask to be taken away from the dryer, if at all he entered a restroom with a dryer in it. On our last visit to any restroom with a dryer, he would immediately go and tell the dryer "Hello Dryer, we will not use you. We will use tissues." and "Bye bye dryer" in the end.)
Is this true? Is this majic? Or is it just the power of an "option"??? I don't know the answer, but I bet Aditya does!
Today, we decided one of us had to go to Ikea and get some stuff in order to setup his Son Rise playroom. He over-heard the talk, and suggested he wanted to go, as Ikea is a place he likes, I guess, this is because he loves the Play Area there which has lots of sensory toys (e.g. things for sitting in and rotating, rocking on, jumping on, etc). Even as I knew this does not necessarily mean he is going to enjoy the "shopping" experience, we decided I would go with him today. We would avoid taking Shreya (his twin sister) to avoid conflicts ("should we do this now or that?")... instead Shreya would get special time at home with her mom.
The young man I saw today at Ikea was a different man from the last time we have been there. Without delay (as I am way too excited about this) I want to talk about the amazing things he did today.
1)
Last visit: I want to play (as soon as we entered IKEA)
Today: "If you want we can go play".
I say: "Yeah, I want to go to, right after we buy a rug here for your playroom"
Aditya: "Yeah, then if you want to go we can go play"
2)
Last visit: I want to eat Mac and Cheese (right after leaving the play area at IKEA)
Today: I am hungry (also after playing at IKEA)
3)
A year ago, on seeing a 6 month old baby: "Her hands are small and her feet are small too."
Today: "That's a small baby." .... AFTER A MINUTE... "She is cute!"
I am blown away, and ask: WHO IS CUTE?
Aditya: The Baby
4) Aditya: I shared the slide with the baby. Say YAAAAY. (I immediately say YAAAAY)
5) Aditya: Hey, this is a noisy place. Can we go? (I say "of course", and we get out of that particular section... then I realized I was hating that section too:-))
6) Aditya: (About our last visit) There were too many people in the family restroom so went in the triangle (men's) restroom. We did not use the dryer, we used tissues. (NOTE: Aditya is scared of dryers. He probably hates the sensation of a blast of hot air combined with the loud noise.)
I ask: That's right Aditya!
Aditya: So we will go to the triangle restroom and use the tissues.
I ask: Sure. You want to go now?
Aditya: Yes.
We go, and do our business as usual. A man uses the dryer as Aditya washes his hands. Aditya looks behind, then turns around and continues washing. The man continues to use the dryer. Aditya turns around again and says: "He is using the dryer."
(A year ago, he would scream and ask to be taken away from the dryer, if at all he entered a restroom with a dryer in it. On our last visit to any restroom with a dryer, he would immediately go and tell the dryer "Hello Dryer, we will not use you. We will use tissues." and "Bye bye dryer" in the end.)
Is this true? Is this majic? Or is it just the power of an "option"??? I don't know the answer, but I bet Aditya does!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Our first blogpost - SonRise for Autism
Hi!
I have been planning to create this blog for a long time now... but when something extremely fascinating is happening right before your eyes, you don't really feel like turning away to tell what you just saw!
Well, that's exactly what happened with us once we embarked on a "journey" (also known as his Son Rise program) with our 4 year old Aditya being in the driving seat. We never knew how well he could drive... until we gave him a chance! But once he did, it was so amazing I just wanted to soak it all in, not look away for a second!
Now... of course you know that I am not talking about his driving. I mean, he does ride his bike reaaaaally well, including the way he applies his brakes on a notice of a second. But in his life too, this little guy, perhaps since his birth, has basically been trying to figure out how to navigate a chaotic world that he has been immersed in. Why this happened to him... we still don't know about. I am talking about his autism, of course, when I say he feels as if he is at the center of "chaos".
Thus, the challenge for this little guy, ever since the age of 1, has been to figure out a way of operating in a world of people that demand "normal" and "compliant" behavior from him while exhibiting very unpredictable behavior themselves. This, while lights, fans, switches, legos, cars, trains, vacuum cleaners, and microwave ovens offer a highly predictable and hence a hundred times more appealing interface!
Before I get distracted and talk about his peculiar behaviors that always suggested something is different about him, I want to take a deep breath and remind myself that today... I want to talk about his journey "away" from his world "into" our world, that HE has begun.
Today is the time we want to celebrate and congratulate ourselves for having discovered a wonderful approach known as the Son Rise program which encouraged us to first take control in our hands (not in the hands of a school district or a therapist) and then hand it over to Aditya... for what we long for him is he knows how to drive in this world while also enjoying the view... much more than knowing how to follow a 4 step instruction from a therapist!
Having only spent 3 months in this program (and that too only under 10 hours a week), we are thrilled to see Aditya navigate his immediate surroundings with much greater comfort, exercise choices and make assertions, and talk about "people" in his play situations.
In fact, just today when we first called a lady who responded to our advertisement for volunteers, Aditya asked us who we were calling. "Someone named XXX " said we.
"Why you calling XXX?"
"She said she wants to come and play with you."
"With me?"
"Yes, you. Do you want her to play with you?"
"Yes!"
"You like people coming home to play with you?" (Note: we have a couple of volunteers now)
"Yes!"
....PAUSE....
Then comes the question: "Does she speak Marathi or English?"
"English" say we, "is that okay?"
"Yes! What's Marathi called in English?"
"It's called Mawratui" I say with a "put on" accent:-)
If you have a child with autism, you know how much this interaction means to me!
I feel grateful to the Kaufmans who chose to think originally and created the uniquely wonderful Son Rise program... but I am also grateful to Aditya for having shown me that happiness indeed is a choice!
Signing off for today,
Abhijit, an elated Dad!
I have been planning to create this blog for a long time now... but when something extremely fascinating is happening right before your eyes, you don't really feel like turning away to tell what you just saw!
Well, that's exactly what happened with us once we embarked on a "journey" (also known as his Son Rise program) with our 4 year old Aditya being in the driving seat. We never knew how well he could drive... until we gave him a chance! But once he did, it was so amazing I just wanted to soak it all in, not look away for a second!
Now... of course you know that I am not talking about his driving. I mean, he does ride his bike reaaaaally well, including the way he applies his brakes on a notice of a second. But in his life too, this little guy, perhaps since his birth, has basically been trying to figure out how to navigate a chaotic world that he has been immersed in. Why this happened to him... we still don't know about. I am talking about his autism, of course, when I say he feels as if he is at the center of "chaos".
Thus, the challenge for this little guy, ever since the age of 1, has been to figure out a way of operating in a world of people that demand "normal" and "compliant" behavior from him while exhibiting very unpredictable behavior themselves. This, while lights, fans, switches, legos, cars, trains, vacuum cleaners, and microwave ovens offer a highly predictable and hence a hundred times more appealing interface!
Before I get distracted and talk about his peculiar behaviors that always suggested something is different about him, I want to take a deep breath and remind myself that today... I want to talk about his journey "away" from his world "into" our world, that HE has begun.
Today is the time we want to celebrate and congratulate ourselves for having discovered a wonderful approach known as the Son Rise program which encouraged us to first take control in our hands (not in the hands of a school district or a therapist) and then hand it over to Aditya... for what we long for him is he knows how to drive in this world while also enjoying the view... much more than knowing how to follow a 4 step instruction from a therapist!
Having only spent 3 months in this program (and that too only under 10 hours a week), we are thrilled to see Aditya navigate his immediate surroundings with much greater comfort, exercise choices and make assertions, and talk about "people" in his play situations.
In fact, just today when we first called a lady who responded to our advertisement for volunteers, Aditya asked us who we were calling. "Someone named XXX " said we.
"Why you calling XXX?"
"She said she wants to come and play with you."
"With me?"
"Yes, you. Do you want her to play with you?"
"Yes!"
"You like people coming home to play with you?" (Note: we have a couple of volunteers now)
"Yes!"
....PAUSE....
Then comes the question: "Does she speak Marathi or English?"
"English" say we, "is that okay?"
"Yes! What's Marathi called in English?"
"It's called Mawratui" I say with a "put on" accent:-)
If you have a child with autism, you know how much this interaction means to me!
I feel grateful to the Kaufmans who chose to think originally and created the uniquely wonderful Son Rise program... but I am also grateful to Aditya for having shown me that happiness indeed is a choice!
Signing off for today,
Abhijit, an elated Dad!
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