It's the Holidays, but we are still in business!

Quite a few things happening over here.

Baba has the whole week off, so we did the unthinkable (compared to what we have been doing for over 2 years now... AVOID long drives and multiple night overnight stays with Aditya).

We decided to take off for a few days and vacation in Santa Barbara. This meant that Aai and Baba spent 2 nights cooking several special diet meals for the whole family, besides everyone in the family also spending a few hours getting their bags ready.
We drove to Santa Barbara on the day of Christmas to make travel easy (with not much traffic on the streets). We stopped by at McDonalds that was open even on that day for a restroom break (YES!)

Aditya and the rest of the family used the restroom to take care of their bodies. Those family members who were interested, could claim 4/8 points for using the restroom for no. 1/ no. 2! And they did:-) Sometimes on this trip they have done both and claimed 12 points!

The time at Santa Barbara is being spent doing a variety of things, some of Aditya's liking and some not. Among things he likes, we have been wetting our feet in the oceans waters and then running on the soft sand. We have also been walking up and down State Street, and riding the all-electric waterfront shuttle. We have been visiting beautiful old structures like the Old Mission and the CourtHouse. Regardless of where we go, Aditya and sister have been enjoying the green sights and the space to run around!

When doing things not of his liking, the limits that he still has are being exposed. For example, the trip to the zoo revealed how much he still hates being there (he always has hated it, perhaps due to the smells). And it also revealed what an important role food plays in his recovery.

For example: we decided we would feed the giraffe. That would be possible at 11:30AM and not earlier. As we entered the zoo Aditya asked when we can feed the giraffes. We told him we did not know exactly when, but could not do that before 11:30AM. For that one hour, nothing could interest our little guy. He was focused on feeding the giraffe at 11:30 and he also seemed restless about the wait. While the rest of us enjoyed looking at and checking out cool facts about the colorful birds, the penguins, the frogs, the elephants, the goats, and the baboons, Aditya took turns taking a keen interest knowing about the animals, sometimes superficially looking at them... and sometimes downright avoiding looking at them. In one case he also complained looking at the elephant was embarrassing (as it pooped right when everyone was watching him).

Baba encouraged him to choose between being flexible and strolling towards the giraffes and checking out other animals on the way, OR being clear and honest that he really only wanted to go to the giraffes and was not interested in anything else before that. Either would be okay, we just wanted to know how his honest thoughts. He was pretty upset at this point, but he then announced he was not interested in anything else, and would rather go to the giraffe.

Baba and he proceeded to the giraffes (but did check out lions on the way... where the pounds-and-kilograms-lover Aditya learnt that daddy lions are 400 pounds heavy while mommy lions are 300 pounds) and waited in line where Aai and sister joined them soon after. Aditya was still restless and wanted to go pee again. Aai and sister were there soon so they waited in line while Aditya and Baba went to use the restroom. Then Aai figured out from the look on his face that he was hungry (we also knew he had not finished his breakfast). When asked about it, he said he was extremely hungry. He went to the nearby bench with Aai and ate another snack while Baba and sister fed the giraffe.

After he had eaten to his satisfaction, he was a transformed child who happily waited in the line AGAIN to feed the giraffe. Once at the giraffe feeding station, he did amazingly well and had no qualms about being licked by the gray tongue of that female giraffe.


The trip to Santa Barbara has also revealed how much he still takes things literally. Some things he has been saying or asking:
1. He has been repeatedly saying: "People at Alamo car rental are honest. People at Dollar car rental are not." (Somebody once told him their experience of the Dollar car rental company incorrectly charging them money for damage they did not do to their car.)
2. You got this IGLOO for taking it to Santa Barbara (IGLOO = the ice cooler that keeps foods in good condition). Will we take the same IGLOO to a trip to a different city? (Baba had told him he was getting an IGLOO to take to Santa Barbara (while that would imply future trips to other cities to a typical mind, that is off the path that the mind with autism knows.)
3. Where is Red Cross? (Countries have flags. Red Cross also has a flag. Red cross must be a country.)
4. Santa Cruz (which is 40 miles away from where we live) is hotter because it is to the South (If something is to South, it is hotter. If something is to the North, it is cooler.)
5. Why do they have an Atlantic Avenue here? (We are close to the Pacific ocean, so they should only have Pacific Avenue here).


Time to play games around "word plays" and phrases that do not mean literally what they say.


Lastly... Baba and Aditya did play a super-spontaneous-imagination game of flying an imaginary airline and going places, where we take turns acting out a new scene using some random props in an old cardboard box.

For example, we began the game in California, and Baba picked Romania as the place to go. "Virgin Europe" Aditya chose the airline with delight. Once we were in Romania, Aditya was to pick something from the box of sundry things around the house and make up a scene. He picked the toy car and said we would race cars. Baba said he was excited but did not have a car. Aditya offered him one from the toys he had! They then played cars, where Aditya said they should now crash them, and the drivers should die.

(He continues to be fascinated and simultaneously paranoid about ideas like cars crashing and people cutting each other with swords).

We enthusiastically died because he asked for it.

Baba then proposed that they be re-born in a new city and country of A's choice. A picked Capetown in South Africa. Baba offered to make a song at this time, and wrote it up with A's help on the board. To rhyme things, Baba chose that one of their names would end with Brown (to rhyme with Capetown). Once in Capetown, it was Baba's turn to pretend something in the box to be something else. He picked pages from a notepad and turned them into books to be taken to school by Aditya and him. Once they skated to school on roller-skates, Aditya chose to become the teacher Ms Victoria and told kids about how to become better people.

The game went on for almost 2 hours, in which we next went to Canberra (Australia), Mumbai (India), and Stockholm (Sweden). We flew Jet Australia, Virgin India and Virgin Sweden to go. We stayed at Hill Hotel next to Canberra Airpot, where Aditya did his favorite thing of ordering food over the phone. Once in Mumbai, we turned into people speaking Marathi. We took turns going to Chowpati Beach and then Pune in a taxi.

Aditya sought out stimulation by refusing to pay the taxi driver, so the taxi driver would yell at him in Marathi.

In Sweden, we pretended to watch Soccer on TV, where Aditya played the American team and Baba played the Sweden team.

Through the game, there were times when A was stretched as he had to make up something from a thing like the tape, a piece of cardboard, a clothes-pin, a TV remote control, a lettuce leaf.

He commented that he found the game a little interesting, but he would find it more interesting once he practiced it:-)

"You can tell him about autism"

Aditya is doing so many new things and breaking new records, we are struggling to keep track!

Last weekend, we as a family did what we had consciously avoided, for 2.5 years. We spent a whole evening in the fair at Downtown San Jose- also known as Christmas in the Park.

Chaos! Utter chaos! And a 6 year old boy and his sister (and their parents) having a hell of a time.

Then, on Sunday evening, we decided to go on a long drive. Aditya voted to go to Pacifica (and he is equally fascinated with its East Coast counter part named Atlanta). We drove, checking out the beautiful and green sights, and returned when it was dark. That is, in fact, when we went to Target, where we got the Christmas Tree, and Aditya used the super noisy dryer.

Yesterday, also after almost 3 years, Aditya attended a friend's birthday party at the nearby Pump-It-Up. And he had a blast doing that.

The friend's dad expressed curiosity about him not eating cake. Mom told him that Aditya was allergic to gluten. Aditya whispered: "You can tell him about autism".

Aditya on the impending Debt Crisis!

This afternoon:

Aditya has just won 2 points for using the restroom in the house. We add 2 to his score.

Then he says: "Now I have $7 from using the restroom. But don't give me so many dollars that you have no more money."

We have now used The Target Restroom with its super-noisy Hand Dryer

So as we said in one of the recent posts, we have a potty-fest going on at our house. The kids are earning points for using the potty to take care of their bodies. When they do that in a place they are not used to, they get extra points!

Aditya got a spot award of 101 points yesterday as he broke yet another record. This was the Target Store close to our house. The kids had requested for a Christmas tree to decorate. And yes, that included Aditya, who is really keen to do it this year, and never was until this year!

So we were at the Target store, and Baba declared he wanted to use the restroom (and he really wanted to). The hand dryer in this particular store is the noisiest of all hand dryers we have seen. It is so noisy that two years ago, Aditya who had already gotten used to using a smaller dryer, became anxious all over again when he saw someone use this Target hand dryer.

Yesterday, after doing this business and washing his hands, he said to me, "I am a little scared. Can you use that first?"

Sure, said I, and began using the dryer. He looked startled with the noise it made.

Then he waited for it to stop.

Then he went for it, and used it!

Frankly we are getting used to him getting used to life like this... but even then... this marks yet another, and greater, accomplishment!

Right away I awarded 101 points to him, for he had conquered the monster than was noisier than even the one at Amber India!

Totally okay to use the restroom (and a certain hand dryer too)!

During our trip to "Son Rise House",  we came to realize that Aditya actually had lots of anxiety around using restrooms (toilets) at any place except his.  It was quite stunning to see this, as he has been toilet trained since he was 2.5 years old.  He resisted using the restroom attached to his playroom in the Son Rise House.  He resisted going in the airplane for 6 hours, and then at the airport as well.   He even skipped his meal during flight so he would not have to go.  On another note,  he had not used the restroom in school... ever!

So when we came back, we knew we had to make using the toilet a fun, interesting, and rewarding  experience. We began by announcing that we would be handing out stickers to anyone who uses the toilet without leaving their pants "outside" the toilet.  (This really was most likely why  Aditya would not use the restroom in a place like school... leaving his pants outside was too embarassing, but he probably did not know any other way either.)

It was sister who won the first several points (i.e. got lots of stickers) with ease.  This was great, because sibling rivalry was soon at play.  Aditya responded to the challenge soon and figured out how to not leave his pants outside.

Over the next few days, we celebrated the kids for taking care of their bodies... as they tried using the restroom on time, before going to bed, before going out, etc.

We also introduced some interesting new rules for winning stickers.  For one, we announced that we were going to keep a score instead of handing so many stickers everyday.  One point would earn them 1 cent.  Whatever their total score on their next birthday, they would get those many cents to keep in their piggy bank.

"Trying to go" would earn them 1 point.  "Going successfully" got them 2 points.  We also proposed that using the restroom at a place other than their own home (e.g. a friend's house) would earn them 3 points.  At a restaurant, they would earn 4 points for trying to pee and 8 for doing it with success.  For using the restroom for responding to the "biggest" nature call... at an outside place (like a restaurant)... they would get 8 points for trying and 16 for actually going.  Finally... if they went in school, they would earn 25 points flat.

(The rules evolved as Aditya has responded to each additional twist with a renewed desire to be the top scorer!)

During our thanksgiving break, we took the kids on a train ride to San Francisco, and Aditya was already at ease using the restroom in different places (but on one occasion even holding it on MY request because there was no restroom there!)

But the climax was reached last week when Aditya announced he wanted to "explore" the class restroom with his class aide Mr Bob.  He did, and earned 10 points for exploring!  2 days later, he went to the restroom again with his Mom who was aiding in class that day... and blushed when we awarded him 25 points as promised.

Then... on last Friday when I went to pick him up at school, he had a huge smile on his face as he announced that he had earned another 25... this time going with another boy in his class!

One of the really cool side effects of this has been that he is now a lot more relaxed around restrooms in general.  

A bonus has been his willingness to try out the "hand dryer" again.  Sometimes, he is even willing to try an especially loud or unpredictable (i.e. one that seems to start suddenly when someone is around) dryer.

Just this weekend, we went to the Amber India restaurant that we love, but where Aditya used to be absolutely paranoid about the unpredictable and loud hand dryer.  This time around, he allowed me to use that dryer (this I have been asking him permission for, and even doing it with a smile on my face so he knows it does not hurt... that in fact I find it fun).  But then when was I done using it, he said he would like to try!

He... was using... the hand dryer... at Amber!  I mean, the dryer in that restroom has been a constant source of anxiety for him ever since we remember.

I was so elated that I announced a reward of 100 points flat.

The victory over the Amber India dryer is more than symbolic.   This is a boy who is anxious as a rule around places and things he does not know.  We think that his willingness to try the loudest and unpredictable-lest dryer of them all... is a sign of him starting to enjoy life without constantly being in a "flight or fight" state of mind!

He had a "chat" with his cousin

Soon after we began our Son Rise program, Aditya's language exploded.  Over the next few months, he began having phone conversations with his grandparents, uncles and cousins (living in another city or country).  
These conversations have grown tremendously in the last few weeks in maturity, coherence, flexibility, and even spontaneity! And the chat he had this Sunday with his cousin (we will call him "O") in North Carolina was so beautiful....  I am still delighting in it!
First things first, it was O who asked to talk to A.  I went up to A and asked if he wanted to talk to O.  A left whatever he was doing so he could talk!

When they began talking, O was the sweetest and the most patient and loving brother,  giving A plenty of time to process his thoughts and put together sentences!  At one point,  O was so patient (and thus okay with the silence that there was since no one was talking!)  that A figured he should say something totally original and spontaneous... "How is school going for you?"  :-)

Other highlights of this discussion:
1.  To the question "how is school going" O said "kinda hard" as he is in 5th grade.  Aditya replied it is nice to have some challenges in life:-)
2.  O and A compared notes on India's (cricketer) Virat Kohli's 80 runs, and O commented on how Kohli is friends with another cricketer Suresh Raina.  O asked him who is his favorite player... Virat Kohli was A's answer.  O replied his favorite is MS Dhoni.  "Mahendra Singh Dhoni?" asked A to confirm!   Then O asked A if he could guess his dad's (i.e. my brother's, not mine) favorite cricketer and Aditya guessed it as Sachin Tendulkar.

Then.....
O: "So when will you come here?"
A:  "Some time soon"
O said something (not remembering the exact words) to ask what he meant by "soon".
A:" My parents are collecting the money to buy tickets for a plane. When they have enough money we will come."

He advised me to "sit down"

"Maybe you should sit down back to back, bottom to bottom".

Aditya said that to Baba who was walking around, removing shells of and then munching on Pistachios, and fumbling and dropping a few here and there... every now and then!

Aditya, on the other hand, was sitting at the table and eating pistachios too.

Baba had a hearty laugh as Aditya gave him that piece of advice so spontaneously, right there, in that moment!   He also thanked Aditya from the bottom of his heart, sat down like a good dad, and continued eating his pistachios.

(By the way, Aditya rarely sits back to back when he eats.)

Thanksgiving!

As we were headed back from the Option Institute a couple weeks ago, my personal goals were to relax, enjoy the moment and let go! It was a revelation to us that Aditya had a hard time using restrooms outside. Being cocooned at home for the past 2 + years, it never really occurred to us what a great hindrance this could cause for him, in a social setting! So our goal for him was to be flexible using restrooms outside the home. Knowing that he was motivated about scoring points, we set up a point system for everybody in the family.

After brainstorming a couple days about what to do over the Thanksgiving break to help accomplish this goal, we decided to stay home and relax. I had a great time lazing around with the kids while dad was at work. We encouraged him to go when we were visiting family and friends over the weekend. And he DID IT!

The weather on Saturday looked  promising and we decided to head up to San Francisco. A's sister had been asking to go on a train ride for some time now and we saw a lot of interest from Aditya as well. He chose to go on the train and try using the restroom while we were out, as opposed to staying home with me.
Aditya woke up pretty cranky and super controlling on Saturday . We decided to be flexible and modify our plans, if needed. We left the house with enough time to spare. The train was running late and Aditya was totally OK with it. As luck would have it, about 15 minutes into the ride, the train came to a halt and the driver announced that we would be stuck there for about an hour, because of a fatality. The kids had tons of questions and we all began coming up with different reasons a train could be delayed. We had a fun time discussing that.. reasons ranging from the driver needing to go home and use the restroom to the engine not working properly :) We all had our snacks and then both kids went off to explore the upper deck and bike cars. Aditya was hesitant initially but happily followed, once sister went. After more than an hour, we transferred to another train and finally reached SF 3 hours after we started. After a quick MUNI ride and lunch, we were all set to take the cable car to Ghirardelli Square (Aditya wanted to go there as he had heard a lot about it from one of our volunteers)
As we reached Market and Powell, we realised that the line was closed. We explained it to the kids and as we walked towards Union Square,  we saw a cable car being towed. Aditya pointed it out to us and said that we could take it, it probably started working! But the man working it told us that he was taking it up for repairs and we could find a shuttle at the next bus stop. Aditya looked at us and said, "Let's go for the bus!" On the way, we walked up to Union Square to see the Macy's Christmas tree. It was a really busy place and Aditya told us that he would sit rather than going around. We celebrated him for clearly indicating what he wanted and proceeded. On our way we saw a man dressed as (god knows what, but I have a picture here)...

 Both brother and sister enthusiastically asked us to take a picture of them with him. After that was done, he reminded us about the bus to go to Ghirardelli Square. He thoroughly enjoyed the bus and the connecting cable car ride.
It had been a long day for everybody and we decided to go to Starbucks to get us a cuppa and the kids some milk. Aditya decided that he needed to use the restroom and was patiently waiting in line for about 10 minutes with Dad when.. Somebody threw up and they closed the restroom for the day! Aditya came back coolly and told us that he would go find another restroom with Dad. After a 15 minute search, he finally got to use one.
By then we were all so exhausted that we decided to call it a day. Thankfully, the journey back home was uneventful.
Looking back, I am glad that we believed in both, our and his flexibility. I will forever be grateful that we got to experience this day. He is so ready for so much more! I can't thank the universe enough for our sweet little daughter who is a great teacher, companion and friend to us all.

Aditya is using the Option process on himself!

Salient features of the above picture:
1.  Aditya P is looking at a Stimulus, and his Response, and then finding the belief that is leading him from that stimulus to that response.  The toilet paper (spelled as pepper:-) is the stimulus.   "I do not think it is good for the environment" is the response. "I do not think it is good to use a toilet seat cover" is the belief.   (BY THE WAY, can someone post the link to a certain blog post here 1.5 years ago that has A using and throwing away a dozen sheets of paper every day because he drew a circle imperfectly!)
2. Aditya P is stating that he is not just Aditya but Aditya P
3. Aditya's Potty Challenges.  How cute:-)
4. Aditya had announced the following on Saturday night, "I am going to write a note for you tomorrow at 11AM.  I am going to be honest in that note.  Can you please share everything in that note with William, Bears and Becky, because they do not know my stimulus-es, responses, and beliefs."  He stuck to his timeline, and had this note ready for us by 10 AM.  We are now just doing our job of sharing it with William, Bears and Becky:-)
5. On discussing the picture with Baba, Baba wondered if the heading for belief (that it is not good to use the toilet seat cover) was actually the response. He agreed and said that it was a mistake, and that it is okay to make mistakes:-)
6. There is a big blob of ink between Aditya and s. Whatever that was, the use of ink to erase it is huge.  We used to throw away the paper 1.5 years ago if it had even a slight crease!

Oh, and the option process is being used to analyze why he is having a challenge using the toilet outside of his home- be it school, a restaurant, or the magical Son Rise house 2 weeks ago.  We are beyond impressed that he is saying he thinks he has "potty challenges" and he is using the Option Process to discover why!

A wonderful week of learning and growing!

During his first intensive in September 2010,  Aditya grew immensely in just a week. (Actually, he began growing there in a week in a way that never really stopped for the next 14 months!)

But in our visit to the magical Son Rise House last week,  we think we (parents) are the ones who grew immensely!

For one, we figured out, thanks to Aditya's wonderful and talented Son Rise friends, his core challenges as at this time, and how to go help him with those.

But the light-bulb moment came when we figured out (through dialogues with our teachers) that there really is no way to recover him from autism without total acceptance of his autism.  Also, no doubt that his full recovery is our WANT, but when we make it a NEED, it stops us from being in the loving and accepting (and hence, the most effective for his recovery) attitude!  

In fact, when we turn any want into a need, it means we want something, except we are also suggesting we will be unhappy if we do not get it.  This is a form of fear.  Once there is fear, our primal instinct to save us from anything "scary" kicks in and keeps us from going for the same thing that we so dearly WANT!  Mind-blowing!

Day#4: Aditya in a "dual session" with Officer James and Ella

This morning, Aai and Baba got training from senior teacher William on how to conduct a dual session, with a focus on Aditya's goal of "flexibility within a variety of activities". 

When he is around peers, Aditya is currently (well, as of last week) hesitant to approach them and offer something he can do in the game they are playing, or that they all can do to begin with.  He is tentative rather than solidly knocking on their doors.

In our dual session we were going to act a bit more like 6 year olds.  We would basically begin by playing a pretend-play scenario he is comfortable with-- a story of Officer James and Ella another 6 year old who calls her dad "Bologna" because of which he gets angry and takes her away to jail! (By the way,  Officer James is a character developed by his Son Rise friend Adin and Aditya. )

Once we began this role play, we would then not invite Aditya, just play like we are 6 year olds.  Aai would lead the session, and Baba would follow her lead.  The challenge for Aditya was to see the game happening in the other corner of the room, and follow along and join the game by offering something to do, when "that" moment came.  Wow... could he do it?

We began the session, and Aditya at once began talking to the mirror and saying, "Now pretend that..."  When Aai-Baba continued to play in their little corner instead of honoring his request which he made to the mirror, he made another swing by his parents.  Finally when that did not work out, he came and grabbed Baba's (who was playing Officer James) hand and yelling "help help" as if to invite the cop to do something.... as part of the ongoing story! 

Mind blowing!  Aditya figured it out!  He figured out how to come up with a role for himself on the fly, and then offer it in an inviting way so his peers would be really excited about it.

Of course, he did not do this throughout the session.  He did get stuck when Aai announced they were going to play a different game.  But he has demonstrated that he can do this totally neuro-typical thing of "figuring out" the game and showing up in an exciting way!

Go Aditya! This sounds like you really are in stage 5... as you have been saying you want to be for the last several months now!

Day#3: Aditya's program has a stage 5 goal now!

The team decided last night that Aditya has come far enough that he needs new goals!

The team also figured out where Aditya has the biggest challenge.  He is stuck when faced with unstructured situations, and especially around peers. So his new Son Rise program goal is, inspiring him to be flexible (and spontaneous) within a variety of activities including those where we do not provide a structure, and he has to provide an input into creating that structure!  This can be a challenge for even us, his parents and program team members, because until now, we have been going in with themes and activities to get him interested, after which we then build, request, inspire growth, etc.  The new challenge would be to take a step back, and act purposefully passive for a bit longer... so that he gets a chance to spontaneously offer something to do!

Aai-Baba got a chance to go to the playroom and work on this new goal right away with guidance from Son Rise program teacher Becky, and then got spot-on feedback as well.  

One more dual session to help him handle two (or more) peers at a time.

And then, one more big news... Aditya used the bathroom! (He did send his facilitator Michelle into a time out so he could do this private business with utmost comfort... and that's cool at Son Rise house!)

Day#2: Aditya learned about the Option Process

Stimulus- Belief- Response!

Three words that summarize the Option Process. The principle of not judging us or others, but examine and try to uncover the beliefs that leads us from an event to the action that we take about it, or the feeling that we feel about it.  The foundation of the Son Rise program!

Today, Aditya, Camilla, and Kim had fun discussing and exploring this fun way of understanding why Aditya (or others in his life) feel or act in certain ways when some things happen.  And we are soooo glad to say.... Aditya seems to have totally got it!

He also had his first dual session today (i.e. he played with 2 facilitators at the same time) so that he could exercise and grow his skills of following the gaze, and allowing one person in the group to lead while others follow, etc.

Kim also introduced some rough and tumble play (pretending to be a 6 year old herself) so he feels comfortable and gets used with how other 6 year olds do play, say at his school. He also had fun with some hands on exercises saying NO to a boy who comes from the behind on the slide, and tries to push him!  Finally, there were friendly rough-and-tumble exchanges, toy car crashes,  and even games around super-heroes, action figures, and dinosaurs-- all very "6 year old" things!

At the same time, Aditya has been showing resistance to using the bathroom attached to his playroom.  All of the facilitators, and Aai-Baba too, are having fun showing him he actually has the best bathroom in the whole Son Rise house!

Earlier in the day,  Baba had a blast playing "There is a machine for that" (a game he came up with) which was a quiz game mixed with renowned cricketers bowling yorkers to each other.   Aai had her own game-  that of "rip tag" where they had lots of fun pretending that his friends had some kind of trouble (e.g. their lunch fell off on the ground) so that Aditya could then do something about it (such as comfort the friend).

Aditya taught a thing or two about Monopoly and cricket to his volunteers on Day#1

Juliet was his first facilitator today, and told us that almost a year after his last intensive,  she was amazed by how much he had changed.  She said he knew more about Monopoly than her, and in general, too it took her some time to figure out what his current challenges are!

He taught Amanda rules of cricket, and then the two went on to discuss weights of different people in kgs and pounds:-)

A little later he was playing with his old friend Camila, and she noted down a number of cool things about him as a person which he volunteered:-) (Used to be his goal.)  They also had lunch together in the playroom.

Aai and Baba then took turns playing, and got extremely helpful, spot-on feedback from our senior teacher William!

Aditya then had a blast playing with Michelle making food on a toy cooker/stovetop (talking about food being another huge motivation for our little guy)!

At the end of the day, old friend Susan played Aditya's amazing game of $550 Bank (telling each other challenging things to do and then rewarding each other with any amount between $1 and $550.99!)  She then brought out her game of reading clues and guessing which animal, where the winner would get to act like the animal.  Aditya was adorable wearing the tiger hood and the horse head!  (He would have refused to do anything like this a year ago.)

After all facilitators left, Aai and Baba had fun looking inside the toilet flush tank (with Aditya peeking) and then testing out if a basketball can actually get flushed away by the toilet (with Aditya upset about it and telling us a clear NO about it which we celebrated and honored).  Both of these he is paranoid about.  This fear manifests itself in him not wanting to use any toilet except his own home.

Aditya had also made cards especially for all his facilitator he knew were going to play with him, so the staff members  at Son Rise who are full of 3E's got even more reasons to celebrate him.

All in all, a great beginning to our second intensive!

Son Rise, here we are, excited to play another innings!

We are at the Son Rise house, for Aditya's intensive program #2.  The last time we were here, what we saw was nothing short of a miracle!  We go in with great anticipation (but no set expectations) for yet another wonderful week!

We began the day today by playing a limited over game of cricket in the playroom here!  There is something magical  about this place.  Without me even trying,  he was "specially" flexible today, e.g.
1. He ALWAYS pretends to be the Indian cricket team,  but today he picked a multi-national team headed by Ricky Ponting of Australia, and picked his other players as Gautam Gambhir of India, Alistar Cook of England,  Ajantha Mendis of Sri Lanka. He then asked "and who is someone who plays for Pakistan" and then chose his fifth player to be Shahid Afridi. By the way, he also allowed playing with only 5 players and only for 5 limited overs each, so that we could then go out for lunch. (He always plays with 10 players).
2. He allowed me to pick a team of his own loving Son Rise friends to be in the "other" team:  Michael, Adin, Julia, Sarah.... and then he proposed... Mom!  Woo-hoo! Who knew he could come up with something like this on the spur of the moment?
3. He played with a ball different than he is used to.  A ball that moved a lot faster.
4. After receiving the "dinasaur" in the playroom as his trophy for beating me, he gave me a musical instrument in the playroom as my runners up prize.  We took some pictures, and he told us who (all three of us) he wanted in the picture!
5. He ASKED to wear a hat when I (pretending to be Manju) put on a hat and a jacket. He would wear no hat, no matter what, until now, while playing cricket.

And we totally believe this beautiful change in him is only the beginning!

He went Trick or Treating!!!

Wow... what would be life without the Son Rise program!

I am an incredibly happy Dad right now! When I came home with a promise to go out with my duaghter "trick or treating" for Halloween little did I know that Aditya (who had shown NO INTEREST in this crazy thing until last year) had made plans to join us!

As soon as I was home both of them quickly got ready in their special Halloween costumes. Aditya was the fireman!

Uh-oh! We had only one pumpkin to carry the candy (who knew Aditya would ever want to carry one around?)!

Both voted YES for the last minute decision to let go the pumpkin, and take two Whole Foods paper bags! The twins then took turns leading to the next house to "trick or treat". Every single time he led the group, Aditya went up and clearly and cheerfully smiled and said "Trick or treat"! When I smiled (proudly) and said "Happy Halloween" to the host, Aditya cheerfully said "Happy Halloween" too! Sister seemed delighted too. Last year, only she and I had gone around the neighborhood. This time, she had her own twin brother with her, who was her buddy, her competitor, and sometimes her leader too!

A couple of funny incidents:-) Which also do show some of his current challenges. Outside the first house, there was a huge bowl of candy.  We rang the bell anyways to say Trick or treat. When a teenager opened the door, Aditya handed him a KitKat:-)  The boy smiled although he probably did not get why this child was giving him candy. Aditya, not having been exposed to Halloween until now, had no idea what to do when presented with a huge bowl of candy. (He knows his parents don't allow him to eat any... so he really was doing the his best:-)

The second host asked "Did you guys just start?" noticing that their bag was empty.  Aditya replied "Yes I started going to school. I have completed 50 days of school".  Cute.... although I am not sure the host understood why he said that.

The three of us spent that beautiful half an hour, then returned, and without blinking an eye Aditya (and sister too) counted their candy. Then completely ignoring the candy, they went upstairs, washed their hands and came down for some delicious home made dinner by Aai!  

A few interesting incidents

A. I attended a meeting at the kids' school last week. Next day, Aditya asked me how the meeting went. I told him that it went good and asked him to guess who I met.
Aditya: I don't know. You could tell.
Mom: At the meeting I sat next to Andrew's mom and Natasha's mom.
Aditya (smiling): Oh, so you met Julie and Carrie! (All names changed)
Mom: Oh, wow! I am amazed that you know Andrew and Natasha's moms and you remember their names too!
Aditya: Yes, Carrie aids at PE and Julie helps me write stories.

(At his school, everybody is addresses on a first name basis, including teachers and aiding parents)
I was blown away! A little over two years ago, after we returned from a month long vacation with my parents and brother, he was unable to recognize their pictures. I remember how scared I was in that moment. Today I rejoice as I see him take in the world and remember people for who they are.
As a side note, he enjoyed viewing pictures uploaded from his various class activities and recognized most kids.

B. This morning, after picking up Aditya from school, I was busy in my thoughts, while he was in the playroom, bouncing a ball. He walked down the stairs, talking to me, while I was busy crystalizing my thoughts about a game I wanted to play with him. Coming to me, he said, "Excuse me, Mom! Why are you in your own world?"

C. Today we also had a lengthy discussion on the purpose of making birthday cards and the importance of thoughtfully choosing things of the persons' liking on the card. He said that he really loves his teacher and wants to make a card for her birthday but does not "really know what all she likes" :)

Changes at school, Kilos and Pounds, and "Social" chit-chat

After watching Aditya inside his class as well as before and after school for about a month, we have requested that Aditya went to school 2 hours a day instead of 4.  This continues to give him the opportunity to be in the "real world" (as opposed to his playroom and his home), but it limits the exposure he has to an unpredictable, chaotic world of 6 year olds. It also gives us a chance to provide him with better support (joining) when he ism's after coming back from school.

In the meantime, he continues to be very interested in knowing ways (Pounds, kilos, Newtons, elephants, jars, etc:-) in which people of the world what to measure weight.  He also has some concerns what might happen if he mistakenly changed the setting on the scale to read Kilograms instead of Pounds.  (He mentioned he was worried about getting a time out for this!)  We  think that in order to feel in control about this he has been talking of inventing a new scale which knows what measurement to show depending on who stands on it.  At another time he mentioned he would be a strict dad and give his daughter (interesting... not son) a 85 minute time-out if she made the mistake of changing the setting when no grown up was watching.  She would be given a 170 minute time out if she repeated the same mistake in spite of that.

We discussed this with our teacher, and made sure we were not over-simplifying/over-complicating our response to this.  The last thing we told him about this is we were okay for any one in the house to change it to their preferred setting (kg or pounds).... because it was easy to change it back if we did not like it!  He seemed to smile when he heard this (was he also feeling relieved?)

Lastly... we have had two new candidates interview for a position on our team. Of course, both were also interviewed by the man himself.

"How was your day" he asked a candidate, who met us yesterday.  ("Wow!" I thought when I saw this.)

"My day has been going well.  I played with kids.  I do that for a job."

"I have a friend named XYZ who used to play with kids at the day care. " ("WOW!  A social comment that has no "purpose" besides just flowing with the current conversation!)

"Really, and now he does not play with you?"

"No, he played with me for LIKE a month".   (The LIKE is something we have been hearing a lot these days.)

Every new interview, we see a new and improved boss who does his part of the interview!

He also explained what he plays these days (1-touch) to both candidates and clarified himself when he thought they did not get it!

Cricket (and breakfast)

What a way to start our week!

Aditya had breakfast in the playroom with Baba (Dad).  He decided to eat a little bit, then play a game of Cricket (and it was his demand, not his cricket-crazy dad's!) and then eat the rest of his breakfast.

All in all, he was fully "in control", and relaxed! He and Baba took turns getting each other out, discussing how to play that "yorker", and even pretending to walk back to the Pavillion and coming back as the "new batsman" when someone got out!

He made A STORYBOOK, then read it to us!

Without further ado....

What you see below are pages from a story book Aditya made all by himself, then read to us, kind of like his class teacher.
(What was that again about autistic children not being able to read body language and facial expressions?)

Since he spells phonetically and writes in his own unique style that we understand but maybe you won't.... I am providing the "text" below each page of the book.

(The cover page:  THE TRAIN BOOK Illustrated by Aditya)

(On a bright sunny day, a train co-pilot was very hungry.  And a man was eating chocolate cake, and M&Ms and cotton candy and Honey smoothie ice-cream and Kit-Kat. And there was some music. And the co-pilot loves train ride.)
Baba's NOTE:   At the top he wrote something then scribbled all over it and believed that was the equivalent of erasing it.  Huge. Two years ago he would throw away a sheet of paper if he or someone else made even a slight mistake.

(Looks like this page has our family going somewhere on the train on that same bright sunny day!  The box on top of the girl  hanging off of a line is the automatic food delivery system on Aditya's imaginary train.  The food box travels in the air from the pilot to the passenger... like the Gondolas at Lake Tahoe!)

(On this page:
"Train rides are fun" says the co-pilot.
"Can you hear the music" said the co-pilot.
"Yes I do"
"Do you love it?"
"I do"
"I heard it when I was a kid" said the co-pilot

(This page has another picture of the train.  Hmm... perhaps it is the end of day?)

(Train rides are nice.
"Happy Birthday to the co-pilot. Here is your birthday card"
"Thank you" said the co-pilot.
The co-pilot was laughing.)

(And the train again... to end this cute little story of (what follows is Baba's interpretation....) a co-pilot who was hungry on his birthday, watching a guy eating everything sweet he could lay his hands on, while all the co-pilot wanted was for someone to come chat with him and say Happy Birthday to him!)

Solving World Problems by Taking Turns!

Before describing that mission that Aditya has undertaken.... here are some other updates. (There have been so many... it is hard to keep up!)

1. Still going to school about 4 hours a day.  Still totally tuned in to the "learning".  Not socializing with other girls and especially with the rumbuxous boys, most likely as he is still without the tools to do it (e.g. reading and processing body language and facial expressions)
2. Has started eating breakfast in his playroom alongwith Baba.  This move is designed to reduce the power-struggle that was happening with both kids getting up at the same time and eating breakfast, but only one of them (sister) getting ready to go to school (as brother goes a little later).  Only 3 days later, the mornings seem like the easiest time of the day.  Aditya, by the way, is also a LOT more interested in talking and playing, if he is in the room.  This means that he is eating less, and shows no signs of being hungry.  4 days ago,  he would constantly complain of being hungry and it would seem he had been waiting for a day before the breakfast was finally served!  Not a surprise.  Basically, we think it is the control that he needed, not the food.

3. Our focus in the playroom has shifted mainly to delighting in the company of each other.... no matter what the activity.  Interestingly,  point 2 above is also helping with this.  This is to say.... we are now actively celebrating each other's company for the company that it is.  It is secondary what it is that we are doing.  Really... this is the underlying principle of the Son Rise program... so it's nice we are finally doing it:-)   Be it playing cricket (YES!),  playing ungame, or eating breakfast!  Outside the playroom, Baba once went on a bicycle ride with Aditya,  which both loved.
4. Aditya is now very interested in cricket.  We play it inside the playroom, and Aditya is getting stronger with holding his bat and swinging it.  He also loves to bowl yorkers like his favorite yellow haired Lasith Malinga (see the picture above).
5. Also very interested in one-touch, and several other flavors of soccer.  This includes a hilarious form of soccer which we came up with in which we place objects in the middle of the room and try to avoid knocking them down while also trying to score goals.  It is also fine to go and place objects in front of your opponent's  goal!  This is being a huge help to lighten things up.... as opposed to feeling high-strung over winning and losing which he still sometimes does.
6. Baba and Aditya WRESTLED with each other for fun!  A huge step!
7. Making movies and writing songs, and sometimes both.  The movies are shot on a pretend camera.  They usually involve his favorite fictional character Officer James.  (A separate post coming soon on OFFICER JAMES, who is a well known figure like "Spider Man" around our house.)


Coming to the title of this post... we have seen some rigidity around the use of pounds vs kilograms.  In his own words,  it is a world problem that people in America and people in Europe/India use different measurements.  People need to respect other people, for which they should take turns using kilos and pounds!  This morning we played a game around this.
First he made me show the "shocked" expression on my face as he had changed the setting on the weighing scale from pounds to kgs!  A few more times, and a few more variations, and he was loving it.  At this point I proposed I imagine my wife would go and get our car's speedometer and odometer changed without my knowledge to use kilo meters, and how that will land me in trouble on the freeway (as I was driving at 60km but thinking I was driving at 60 miles per hour).  Later, we also discussed how it is also a world problem that cars in different countries have the steering wheel on the left or the right.  Some alternatives were proposed, including a center drive and a drive-from-the-top-of-the-car.  At this point Aditya was in hysterics... as opposed to serious and rigid... and that brought a huge smile to my face too!

I have no friends in school (and I want to make friends)!

Aditya has been going to school almost everyday, and seems to really enjoy listening to whatever is taught in the class.  (Since I have personally volunteered in his class a couple of times now,  I can see this when he comes home and tells Mom about what happened.)

On the other hand,  he is probably not enjoying not being able to "relate" to any of the other kids.  From what I have seen in class/ on the playground, he is very accepting of another child(ren) in his space... but he is not reaching out to, or "inviting" them.

What's really cool is... one day he said: "I don't have any friends in school.  I feel like making friends, but I don't know how".  Strictly speaking I am paraphrasing what his Mom told me, but whatever words he chose, THIS IS yet another HUGE step,   we think.

He does not have the tools (i.e. the social skills such as reading and understanding body language of a super-fast talking 6 year old) to make a friend... and this is something we frankly do expect right now (although we also firmly believe it is a matter of time when he "gets" how to do this).

But he actually WANTS to have a 6 year old friend now!  He was at first believed not to "love" the company of any human being.  Once in his Son Rise program,  he was loving his "grown up" volunteer friends, but avoiding other kids.  A little more recently, he only began to "tolerate" kids around him.  

And now,  here he is... longing that he had someone in his class he could call a friend.

We are elated, and yet another time.... re-energized... about "hanging out" with Aditya in his Son Rise playroom, where he will play with us to "get" the super-cool and mysterious craft also known in the neuro-typical world as "making friends".

"And she taught them how to pop wheelies"

Aditya has been going to school for over a week now, and although he is still likely not "reaching out" to other kids to play with them, he clearly has been "attending" school with his heart.

Today, he did not tell much about what happened at school.

Until a little later, sister began telling about a book their class had read.

"I want to learn how to pop wheelies" was something she said... on which Aditya spontaneously asked if she was mentioning it from the book "Chester's Way" which they too had read today!

Not only that, he then mentioned 3 other books that their class had read in the past few days, and asked if sister's class had read them too!

He played with 2 other boys in CHOICE TIME!

Dad went to school with Aditya on Saturday to play "snack time". He seemed a bit overwhelmed with all that he had to do (including picking up his bag when coming back to class). He repeated a similar game with Mom who took him to school on Sunday, where they decided on pretending his baby was in the bag (so he cannot forget him/her).

On Monday, Aditya did great at school. His teacher later wrote to us: "I saw much improvement with his orientation today. He is speaking clearly and completely. I am so happy he is doing so well. I asked him today at the end of the day how he was liking school and he told me, 'I love it.' That speaks for itself. :)" 

On Day 4 (Tuesday), he continued to tell us with much enthusiasm the things that happened around him, the story that was read, the birthday that was celebrated, etc. 

He was also reportedly "helped" at the play area by a boy older than he. This boy encouraged and even helped Aditya to ride the "zipline" that he was having difficulty with. What a positive experience from being with another child! We are really glad for him. 

Today (day 5), he told us that in "choice time" he played the game of "racing" with two other boys. He and one of the boys formed a team. This meant that they could lose to one another, yet win as a team... I think which would mean the third boy was always in his own team... which was such a 6 year old boyish thing to do!

One more amazing thing is he has been telling us the names of various kids in his class (not something he would do at all... until now). The added bonus is he can now look at a boy, and identify who that is! Not something that we could take for granted until now!

Then today he went a step further ahead. While on the playground in the recess, he showed to his sister (who meets him everyday at that time as she gets a break from her 1st grade class) a certain girl, and said: "Look at this girl XYZ. She is in my class!" 

We are amazed by how much he is "taking in". 

He continues to play for 2 hours in the afternoon with a Son Rise friend. We hope this is helping him find the focus and the control that he needs, which he probably misses in a class full of the most unpredictable beings in his new universe... kids!

He went to SCHOOL

Aditya had his very first day of MAINSTREAM school yesterday. Will he continue? Too soon to tell... but he rocked on his first and second day, and we celebrated him by singing a song specially made for him!

Yesterday, we had been with Aditya through the day. Today (on day#2), we dropped him at his classroom, then walked back with mixed feelings of pride, confidence, as well as the "Really? Is he ready for this?" feeling. I came to work. Mom picked him up from school around noon. I called them a little later. I was amazed as he told me enthusiastically about so many things that had happened today... from the story that was read in the class to the "Back to school" concert he got to watch in the playground! We don't know if he is taking interest in his peers as yet... but he is clearly "taking in" all that's happening around him. He was tired in the process (which he said to Mom when she picked him up)... but he is enjoying... as opposed to running away from... the experience called "school".

That said, we think he is having a challenge following multiple step, composite instructions at the speed of a mainstream kid-- and being surrounded by 30 other kids his age is not helping. We look forward to practicing this in our playroom so he can have more fun doing this!

He also reportedly had a difficulty finding the way back from the play-area to his class. We plan to go there tomorrow and have fun figuring out just that!

So far, Aditya has done amazingly well in trying this hard, and he continues to tell us he is enjoying school. We celebrate him for this! We also know we want to help him figure out the stuff we neuro-typicals assume everyone everywhere somehow knows!

PARTY TIME!

It was Son Rise senior teacher William who, during his outreach 3 weeks ago, suggested we take some time off, get together as a team, and celebrate what we have accomplished in our program in the last 2 years or so.

We did just that on Friday.  We had... you guessed it... a PARTY! 

Food, drink, music, and games!  Our Son Rise program had never looked like this!  It was thoroughly refreshing.  Aai, Baba, Aditya's sister, and his volunteer friends had pizza and ice cream, while Aditya had his special "almond meal pizza".

Aditya spent the first 20 minutes sitting close to the laptop that was playing his favorite music.  Flexible to allow sister to forward to her favorite track.  Then we asked him if we could... after the next song... stop the music and move on to play some games with the people at the party... and he said he wanted to!

One of the games we played was "Two truths and a lie" and Aditya detected the lie almost right away when Aai and Baba were talking.  With other friends,  he paid attention to them talking, took a guess, and was okay to get it wrong, and in the process learn something new about that person!  (Although we were not even working on that goal... we were at a party.  How cool!)   But the best part was when he made up a lie! I immediately realized this is not something he does or could do, and I congratulated him for it:-)

The most beautiful moment of the party for me, was when we took turns talking about:
 1.  a thing we were not doing with Aditya 2 years ago but now do
 2.  a thing we would love to do with him a year from now

Speaking on the first topic, Aditya said he used to build with blocks 2 years ago, then blushed, then went on to say he now plays soccer, pretend play games, ungame with his friends!  He also said this journey is beautiful, and then he asked if the journey will continue.  We said we think each of us will be part of the journey that is unique to our own lives... forever... but we will share our journeys with each other too!  How beautiful that we were having this lovely conversation with a boy who once would not engage in any meaningful conversation!

Way to go, Aditya, and his fantastic Son Rise friends!

A beautiful mind!

After picking up William at the airport, Aditya spoke to him like he was meeting an old buddy.  He grabbed William with his talk most of the time he was in the car.

He also invented a "CD Clock" on the fly as he was speaking.  The clock, was a CD and a clock at the same time.  That is, it could play music, as well as show time.

William joined him right away and the two continued to discuss the CD clock up until the time we dropped off William at the hotel where he was going to stay.  When parting, William promised to come back the next day and talk more about both, Aditya's topic-- the CD clock, and a brand new topic that William was going to propose.

The next day, when William went into the playroom,  Aditya pounced on the CD clock topic!  The two friends had a blast discussing the CD clock.  Really... it did not seem at all as if there was something unusual about this topic.  The enthusiasm with which William joined him in the discussion, and even offered to diagram it on the white board,  they seemed like two engineers hashing out the design for the world's most advanced clock!

About 7 minutes later, we observed that Aditya was a lot more relaxed, as he had been allowed, even encouraged, to talk about the CD clock, for as long as he wanted.

At this time, William asked Aditya, "If you were to sell this fantastic CD clock how much would you charge?"

"Zero dollars" came the reply!

A little later, A had changed his mind and set the price of this CD clock to $50000.

Sensing that he was still quite relaxed and open (as opposed to rigid and controlling)  William asked him: "And what would you do with the $50000 that you get from selling this clock?"

"I would give it to people who have no money" replied Aditya, with a smile as beautiful as the innocent and kind soul he is.

And by the way, yes, William was working on the goal of inspiring A to ask/answer questions of a personal  (as opposed to "factual" e.g. how tall is this lamp?) nature.

A super-cool Son Rise friend visited Aditya!

William (senior Son Rise program teacher) came to see Aditya on parents' request.   We were really touched by his gesture of flying coast-to-coast to come meet his 6 year old special friend!

On a more serious note, this was our very first "outreach" with any Son Rise program teacher/consultant.  And it helped us beyond our wildest expectations!

His biggest gift to us... he brought to our attention how rigid we can sometimes get as grown ups, while working on a specific goal with our child... insisting that he worked on it in a certain way... and not recognizing that he just did it in another way.  For example....  when I went in with picture cards containing various animals, working on the goal of "inspiring A to ask questions to know more about a person" I casually told him how I do not actually like monkeys, even if that is the animal that surprises me the most.

A asked why I don't like monkeys.

My response... that's a new question. Which one should I answer? The "why I don't like chimps" or the question about "why they surprise me".

In reality, to ask me why I do not like chimps is TO ASK ME SOMETHING TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME AS A PERSON.

Once William noticed this and told me, a light bulb turned on in our minds, and we could instantly see just how much A is actually ready to use his social skills... provided we ourselves become more flexible, and provide him with opportunities... and pauses so he can use them!

Thanks a ton William!

Soccer... with other 6 year olds!

It's old news that we have a Soccer "challenge" going on at our house.  Aditya takes turns in winning the trophy with Dad, Mom, and his volunteers,  and is equally cool with losing as he is with winning.

In the meantime, he has been steadily improving his skills at the game (although it is still indoors).

Three weeks ago, he first played soccer with another 6 year old as part of his "twice-a-week play dates with peers"... which itself has been a great boost to our program!

In that game, Aditya was trailing 1 goals to 3 when the other child complained of being tired and requested that the game be cancelled.  Aditya was anxious at this time about losing his trophy... a surprise... given that he is okay losing it to his Son Rise playroom "grown up" friends!  Since the other child called it off, the game was declared as "drawn".

Last weekend, he played again with the same child.  This time around, Aditya won the game 2-1.  Of course, he worked very hard with us in the meantime to improve his game, primarily his ability to kick a ball that is already moving.  A few weeks ago, he had to, almost always, stop the ball for a moment before kicking  it again... which put him at a disadvantage when he played with another kid!

Aditya also had yet another play date with another 6 year old child, in which he won both soccer games as 11-1 and 4-3.

Are we excited for him winning? Certainly... as it will hopefully boost his confidence while playing with kids his age.  More important, we are excited that he now plays "for real" with other kids, and not just with his volunteers and parents who are smart enough to lose to him, every once in a while, as a way of keeping him motivated.

Poochi!

It's a weekend afternoon, and we are at Ikea after a long time.  Taking Aditya to Ikea is always interesting, as we get to see something new every time we go there with him (since starting Son Rise, of course).

This time around, he fell in love instantly with a soft toy "Puppy" that sister picked up and identified as "Poochi".

A few minutes later, A was lobbying for "Poochi" to have a new home.  "He needs love" he said, and further added that "love from far away won't work, he needs to be at our home" thereby rejecting the idea that we could come back before his birthday and buy it at that time.  "I want the same Poochi, not another copy" was another argument put forth in favor of taking him home right away!  Lastly, the twins also offered to pay from their "piggy banks" so we could buy him.

And what's special about that?

It's the fact that A was acting much more like a kid his age.  It felt cute.  And it is something that we could take for granted with his sister, but not with him. 

Cost of "Poochi"- 8 dollars.  Witnessing this subtle change in Aditya... priceless!!!

By the way, he also had a much easier time playing in the "play area" at Ikea.  At one point, he even asked a girl to "Go ahead"... as he and the girl had reached up to the slide at the same time.

A friend is visiting!

After our last post, we did play the game of Aditya's favorite singer Raffi taking a flight from Canada to come meet Aditya in the sunny California!  Aditya was the host of a TV show on "Aditya TV" where I visited him as Raffi, and we had a half hour long interview session, including Q & A with Raffi's fans calling in!

As said in the last post, Aditya and I had already decided on a list of "personal" questions to ask.  Before the show, I had researched the Internet for answers, found some interesting things about Raffi (e.g. Raffi cares a lot about the environment).... but then I did not find anything conclusive about certain other things like "what does Raffi drink in the morning":-)

In any case, during show-time, Aditya decided to ask a few different questions, and some from the same list.  We had a gala time with me playing Raffi answering A's questions about Raffi's favorites.  (I especially had fun saying things like Raffi's favorite shape is that of a phone).

A little later, we had people call in to our show, and ask questions about Raffi's "life" e.g. "when did you move to Canada".  Aditya did extremely well to come up with the following totally original question: "what did you like to do when you were young"  to which I (Raffi) came up with the answer- listening to others' music, and visiting the local aquarium to see "Baby Baluga"... which Aditya loved for an answer, of course!

Then on the last weekend we played a new game... although the concept was still the same.  This time around, I played one of Aditya's ex-team-member-volunteers who visited him for a day.  Aditya had to call me ahead of my trip, and ask me things like
1) what do I like for a snack,
2) what cold/hot drink do I like to drink
3) what do I want to do in California (e.g. check out the golden gate bridge) when I arrive
4) what movie do I want to watch with Aditya when I am with him
5) what kind of a restaurant do I want to go to for dinner
Then Aditya had to plan the day according to my answers.  For example, he would receive me at the airport at 7 AM, and then knowing that I like to drink coffee and eat scrambled eggs for breakfast, he would take me to a place where we could eat/drink both!

Again, Aditya did very well with this game, although it took him some time to appreciate that he had to wait and find out these answers ahead of time so he could plan how he wanted to spend the day with his friend!

It's fun to know more about your friends!

Aditya's Son Rise Program Goal: inspire him to ask friends something about themselves, e.g. their likes and dislikes (as opposed to telling them about himself)

So, Aditya and I are preparing for an interview of his favorite celebrity:  Raffi-- of the Bananaphone fame.

We have come up with a list of questions to be asked in the interview which we will conduct tonight/tomorrow. (I will be playing Raffi with a phony beard and a hat... and a toy guitar, and he will be the interviewer.)

Questions include:
1) What instruments can you play?
2) What songs are you making now?
3) What is your favorite fruit? (And we already think we know the answer:-)
4) What do you drink in the morning?
5) What is your favorite color?

I have volunteered to find answers to these wonderful questions with help from the Internet, so we can use them tomorrow in the real (I mean, the pretend) interview. If you guys know the answers, feel free to help me out:)

By the way he found it challenging to come up with original questions. It was amazing to see this because he now has a great vocabulary as well as a love for "talking".  However the idea that it's fun to know more about someone else, is probably new for him, so we need to model this for him.  More work to be done for us in this area... but hey... it's so much fun!

Cheered up his volunteer for "trying to be" on time!

Aditya gets anxious every time any of his volunteers is late by even a minute.  He would typically say anything from "he is sick" to "she has a new job" to "he died".

On one such occasion, we suggested to him the possibility that he could cheer and celebrate his friend for trying to be on time.  We also suggested that doing this may help his friend see how much Aditya appreciated him coming on time, and he may try harder.  Aditya did not do this right away (to which we celebrated him for trying to cheer his friend), but then the next time it happened, he did say to this friend: "Thanks for trying to be on time.  I hope you will do better next time".

The best part?  This volunteer has never been late thereafter!

One of the greatest gifts of the Son Rise program to our family is we have learnt that happiness is a much more effective motivator than is anger.

A super-sweet friend!

Hard to believe, but Aditya pulled off all of the following highly "social" feats over this weekend:
1. Asked me (after I woke up late on Saturday morning due to a bad cold) how I was feeling
2. Gingerly walked into my room on Sunday morning, left a piece of paper with a question "How does the cello look?" and with a smile told me it was ok for me to answer the question "later"
3. On Sunday evening, apologized for "rushing" me to increase the volume of music in the car, while expecting me to also apologize for taking the volume from 8 to 27 in my state of rush (frankly... I lost it... but what's amazing is he understood that based on my body language!)

4. As told to me by his volunteer friend today:  Aditya said the following to him as soon as they met today: "Sorry we could not do the meeting on Friday"  

(By the way, we really had to cancel that meeting on Friday for unforeseen reasons, and that Aditya took that in the stride without making a big deal about it was a huge feat in itself!)

There were some other moments where Aditya did express his frustration quite vocally that he was having a hard time always saying things he wanted to, and never the opposite.  We told him it was okay, and that he was trying so hard... that's what really mattered.  

Overall, a terrific performance from him! 

Making Stories!

This is a game we began playing almost at the same time as we introduced soccer.  Much like soccer, Aditya is now a fan of this game too.

What you need:  cards with pictures of different things.
What you do: put the pictures in a box, shuffle them, then pull 3 cards out.  Say the three cards show: duck, map, pond.  Now, make up a funny story using those words, and "tell" the story wearing a hat and holding a fake microphone!

We actually began with 2 cards, but pretty soon progressed to 3 cards.  Today, we even play this with 2 picture cards and a "feeling" card,  e.g. duck, map, excited.

Aditya loves making these stories.  He recently told the following story: "Once upon a time a DUCK was driving a motor cycle, and then she could never go to the place she wanted.  So she looked on the MAP in the "gps" and then she found where she wants to go so she became real EXCITED."

Aditya pays tribute to "Social Media"!

I was discussing "facial expressions" with Aditya.  Happy is a face he can easily make.  He wanted to know how to express a sad face.

Was he ready for this?  I did not know.  Cautiously, I said: "when I want to make up the sad face I think of something sad that happened in my life. Then I pretend it's actually happening right now.  My face then automatically shows the sad expression."

Aditya: "Something sad?"

I replied:  "Yeah, like I remember the time when my brother went to America to study in college and I was still in India." As I said those words, I saw Aditya's face become progressively more sad. 

I continued, "When that happened I knew I was not going to meet him for at least a year. So I was very sad that day."

As I completed my sentence, Aditya burst out into tears.

As he cried, he asked: "Did you even talk on Facebook?"

I did tell him that back in those days, we would gather around the telephone on Saturday night, waiting for my brother to make a call from the USA.  As I wondered how quickly our lives have changed thanks to advances in communication,  I appreciated even more my 6 year old friend  who cared enough to ask me if I had a way to reach out to my dear brother!

A smashing good Saturday!

"Just like that" was the theme for this Saturday, as we did a variety of things, like most friends do for each other: just like that!

Dad's friend Uncle Anand came to meet us for breakfast.  Aditya did exceptionally well, we thought, in engaging with Uncle Anand, talking to him, answering questions, asking questions, and what not!  We later biked and walked to a nearby park where we played soccer.  Aditya was, of course, very enthused about playing soccer, as he now considers that his favorite sport.  The cool thing was, he and Uncle Anand were in one team, and Aditya made no fuss about having him on his team.

A little later after Uncle Anand went home, Dad's cousin came to visit us with his wife and 1 year old son. Aditya did well to, both talk to the guests as well as handle the presence of a 1 year old.  A child so young would have been a major source of unpredictability a year ago.

But the icing on the cake for us was when we, as planned, went to watch  the final year portfolio performance by one of our volunteers. There we also met one of our past volunteers (who Aditya still considers his best friend).  Both of them are dance majors, and so all of us felt a sense of pride when we saw them perform on stage. Of course, I am sure they  felt very special to have two 6 year old guests among their fans! The entire show ran for about 2 hours, with a 10 minute intermission. Aditya did amazingly well as he sat through the whole show, and tried to follow the dancers' movements. Frankly, the dances were pretty abstract, and one of us was ready to leave the place with him if he could not  handle it. He had other plans.  He chose to sit through the whole show, and when asked if he was liking the dances, he said: "I am loving the dances".

We had stopped having these fun-filled, casual, "just like that" weekends a couple of years ago, in order to get our Son Rise program up and running.  But boy, the wait has been so worth it!  We have enjoyed this Saturday like no other Saturday in the last several years.

A big thank you to our twins!

Get over it now!

I have been extremely busy enjoying tremendous changes in Aditya and our relationship with him over the past few weeks. We did hit a rough patch for a couple weeks in between, but that deserves an entire new post. Today I am here to note a few "gems" before I forget.

Dad was all set to go on a hike with a friend tomorrow morning. Just a while ago, the friend called up to say that he had a busy day in office and couldn't make it to the hike as planned. On hearing this, Aditya spontaneously said to his dad, "I am sorry you cannot go for the hike tomorrow!"

Yesterday, I was talking to my daughter about something at school, when the conversation took an unexpected turn and she began arguing as to how she was right in that situation (at school). As I asked her to take a moment to think about what she had just said, Aditya turned to her and told her to "get over it!" We both were stunned and looked at him in disbelief! We have never used these words at home and don't know where he got this from!

We have seen his flexibility increasing leaps and bounds. As usual, this evening I went for a bike ride around the neighborhood with both kids. We have a couple routes we usually take. Today we decided to take the shorter route as I had a few things to catch up with after we returned. One of the places on this route is the community center where the kids pretend to play restaurant. This has been routine for two years now and they were happy to go. On the way, A's sister suddenly turned and asked me if we could go down a path we had never been on. Before I could answer, both kids were biking down the winding pathway. Suddenly realizing that it led back close to our home, they retraced their steps and were wondering where to go "exploring " next. At that, I suggested taking them on a surprise bike trip, destination undisclosed:) Aditya enthusiastically accepted and willingly followed us on a 20 minute ride. In all this excitement, the original plan of going to the community center was forgotten and I was wondering if he would bring that up. A few months ago, such spontaneity was unimaginable. As we walked into the house, I congratulated both kids on being so flexible and thanked them for the wonderful time spent together. A knowingly smiled and said that he had "decided in his brain" to complete stage 5 in 8 days:) Hence the flexibility:)  As usual, it was followed by big cheers and letting him know that we would love him, irrespective of whether he completed stage 5 in 8 or 80 or 800 days !

He has shown amazing flexibility about being outdoors (we were cocooning him most of the times for the past year and a half since the beginning of our Son-Rise program) and even at a Walmart! He loves being the "list manager" and directing me around, being flexible if I decide to make some last minute changes to the shopping list. As I had a few last minute additions to the list, it wasn't sorted by department as I usually tend to do. He was very keen on getting to the electronics department to buy replacement headphones for himself.  But one item at the end of the list was just an isle away. I asked him to make a choice: Do you want to go get the headphones first or get the Kleenex in the next isle. Going to the next isle right away would help us save time and check out faster, while going to the electronics would get him his headphones faster. After weighing in for a few seconds, he chose to get the Kleenex so he could go home faster. It is so amazing to see him make these choices! We see him now practice the stage 4 perspective we've modeled for him "at times it is useful to put off an immediate payoff for a longer-term payoff".

We have also seen his stamina improve dramatically over the past week or two. He has always been up before 7 am since he was a baby. But the mornings were pretty listless and lethargic, except when he was doing SRP with dad before work. Of late, we have seen him happy and energetic in the mornings. 

A couple days ago, I dropped my daughter off at school and proceeded to a doctor's appointment. We reached about 25 minutes before time. Till date, he has always preferred sitting in the car and listening to music to while away  the time. But the day in question, as I parked the car, I wondered aloud if he would rather go for a walk with me .. maybe just till the traffic light and back, not too far! He enthusiastically jumped out of his seat and started walking. A minute into the walk, he broke into a run and challenged me to beat him! We sprinted on the sidewalk for a full 15 minutes till I was out of breath. Amazing! The same day, he had back to back SRP sessions and played soccer with each volunteer for an hour. He was still going great at 5 pm and demanded his usual bike ride! And the day was scorching hot with the temperature in the higher 80s (Fahrenheit, of course).

Making music... and twisting tunes!

When we began our Son Rise program, we put away Dad's synthesizer keyboard, as Aditya was using it mainly to ism by playing his favorite rhythms and songs, numbered 1-100.  Oftentimes he would repeatedly play the same song, for example.

Two weeks ago, we decided that he had reached the point where we could bring the keyboard back, lay down some rules, and see if Aditya is willing to use it to "make" or "practice" music rather than just play the pre-recorded tunes.

Aditya not only agreed to the rules, he showed appreciation for this explanation: "Making or practising music helps your mind become more creative, which is good for you.  Simply listening to songs on the keyboard is like watching TV.  It does everything for you, so you don't get to do anything."

Since that day, Aditya has been religiously following the rule, and he has never ever touched the buttons that play the pre-set tunes.

And what does he play on the keyboard?
1) Ring ring ring ring banana phone!!! Once Daddy taught him to play the two lines of the song, he began practising them every day, and he still does.  He recently surprised his grandparents in India by playing the two lines for them!
2) The first few words of Dil Chahta Hai:-)  which is one of his favorite Hindi songs.

There is something special for Dad, about what he next did with Banana phone and Dil Chahta Hai.  He has listened to Daddy "twisting the tunes" (which means sing one song on the tune of another), and he always enjoyed that.  But last week, for the first time, we found him singing Bananaphone on the tune of Dil Chahta Hai.  What more could Daddy ask for?

Fighting back, while learning to "wait" for a chance to score

This should be no surprise.  Aditya  fought valiantly this morning to win back the title he lost to me yesterday.

However, while we scored 22 and 21 goals on each other yesterday, today the end result was 10-9.

That's because Aditya was a lot more interested in dribbling and keeping the ball with him (and not just passing around the ball randomly).  He attacked my goal a lot less.  In one case, he waited a full 3 and a half minutes before he saw me leave my goal post unattended... then quickly turned that opportunity into a goal.

In the "post game interview",  I did ask him if he knew why we had a low scoring game today, and he said exactly why: "I dribbled the ball more".

Losing in a game of soccer!

This morning... least when we expected it... Aditya lost a game of soccer to Baba, who was leading 22-21 when Aditya (extremely motivated to tie the game and keep the championship) kicked the ball right past Baba.  Baba tried in vain to stop the ball.  The ball went right into the goal... but only a fraction of a second after the timer went off.

In that situation, several neurotypical children would argue that the ball went into the goal at the same time or  even before the timer went off:-)  But the sweet and honest guy that he is, he immediately said: "You won!" and then in a second, burst out into crying.

Of course, I cheered him tremendously, and gave him the runners up award, and thanked him for making this game so much fun.  Nevertheless he continued to cry for a long time.  Certainly an area to work on, while we continue to love and accept him for his need to cry as a way of taking care of himself.

Well done, Aditya.  You have only lost one game today, but the way you valiantly fought and nearly scored that last goal... I am sure you will make a come back and  win back the championship:-)  By the way, I am finding it increasingly difficult to pretend losing to you!

Will you be my friend?

Today afternoon, I had been to our local Trader Joe's with Aditya. He was my "Manager" and had written down the shopping list before we left home. As my manager, he was to read out the list and direct me to where I was supposed to look for the next item. As we entered the store, he announced that he was too tired to walk and that he would be my "sitting manager" for today :) So we began shopping, with my manager ordering me around.

As I reached the sampling area, I asked my manager for a coffee break. The TJ crew member at the sampling station today was a jolly and friendly lady, who we have known for some time now. I had been thinking about this for some time now and today I decided to go ahead and talk to her about our program and how she would make an awesome volunteer. As I reached into my purse for our flyer, an idea just struck me: How cool would it be if Aditya could approach her, instead of me! So as I was sipping coffee, I asked him how he felt if he would have another Son-Rise friend.  (He knows that we have been looking for new team members for some time now. In fact, he had been asking me regularly if I was really trying my best to find a friend for him. He also periodically reminds me if I put ads on craigslist and sittercity.)

I enthusiastically asked him if he wanted to ask Ms. Demowoman to be his friend.
A: I don't think so .. how about you ask.
Mom: I could ask, but I think she might be more eager to play with you if you asked.
A: I don't think so.
Mom: Ok, if you say so. But I strongly feel that you asking might be a better idea, because she will see how cool a friend you can be!
A: I don't want to ask.
Mom: Thanks for telling me so clearly. I will not force you to ask. I will go talk to her, but I am curious as to why you are unwilling to ask.
A: Actually, I am scared. Scared that she will say no!
Mom: Wow! Thanks for sharing what you feel. You are a super friend to tell me how you feel. But why do you believe she would say no?
A: Because she is busy.
Mom: But we won't ask her to play now!
A: No, busy means she already works at Trader Joe's! So she won't have time to play with me.
Mom: That's great reasoning. But do you remember some of your friends who used to play with you after office hours and on the weekends?
A: Yes!
Mom: And if she cannot play, maybe she knows someone who has more time.
A: She could say No!
Mom: That's true, but she could also say YES! Remember when they had no stickers at TJ's last month. On the next visit, you were scared to ask for them. But when you actually did, they gave you 10 stickers. Just as with the stickers, it doesn't hurt to ask!
A: That's true, but I still don't want to.

With that, we proceeded  with our shopping. As we were done with the last item, Aditya said, I want to try!
Mom: What do you want to try?
A: Try asking her to be my friend!
With a lot of cheering, we went upto her and waited for the people ahead of us to go away, so we could talk to her in private. (Yes, Aditya was able to WAIT for 2 minutes!)

Then Aditya asked her if she could be her friend. She said,"yes, lets be friends, cutie pie!"  and gave him a big smile. Then I explained in brief about his autism and how far he has come. I also handed her a flyer. She read the tickles part, talked to him about it, took off her gloves and they had fun playing a game of tickles. She then told me that it wasn't a good time for her to something like this. We thanked her and proceeded to the checkout.

While waiting to reach the checkout, I spoke to Aditya about this experience and how he felt about her saying no. He told that he didn't really feel bad about it, but enjoyed the tickles just shared with her:) What an awesome opportunity to model it for him that it is the journey that we can enjoy, rather than being worried about the end result!

Favorite sport? Soccer!

In late February or early March, we began inviting Aditya to play soccer.  Usually, he would be reluctant, and would play a few minutes at the most, then ask for one of this favorite activities.

We kept working on this every day, along with other goals like helping him "opine" on things and state "preferences" spontaneously.  Indeed, a lot of progress made on those goals, which we will soon capture in another blog post.

In the meantime... Aditya got hooked on to soccer.  So much so, that Dad and Aditya now play soccer every morning.  And when asked "what is your favorite sport", "Soccer" comes the answer!

Every morning after breakfast... Dad and Aditya come into the playroom and just go about setting up a goal post with a kids' writing desk, and another goal post between two green chairs, as if they are now "hard-wired" to play soccer first thing in the morning!  No invitations required...  Aditya WANTS to play soccer.

We usually play two sessions of 10 minutes with a half time in between.  There is water/ tea sipped and "foot rubs" exchanged at half time.  And some chatting too.

What happens during the play?  A consistently improving soccer player Aditya is busy giving himself passes, then sending the ball flying into the goal!  Often time Dad defends the goal post, only to find Aditya quickly take control of the ball again and give "himself" a pass, then go collect it, and come back again attacking on the goal.

Of course, he wins all games,  but we have tied some games too, as this helps him be more flexible about "winning" and "losing"!  (I suspect the time will soon be ripe for a game where he loses by 1 or 2 goals. )

And when he is trailing by even one goal, we get to see an extremely motivated Aditya who produces a special "goal" that leaves Dad defenseless.  Sometimes, Dad does not even get to pretend not being able to save that goal from happening!

Clearly when we began we had to pretend losing a lot.  Now... we still pretend.... but it is getting harder by the day.  To the extent that we pretend to lose... it is only to give a 6 year old a level playing field... and no more because of Aditya's condition of autism or his motor delays.

Go Aditya!  We continue to play Soccer with you, and have even begun inviting you to other "active" games like Cricket and Kick-ball, because we know... you can not just do it... you can beat us at it!