Since two weeks ago, I (Baba) have noticed something new.
The first time that happened, we were slightly late for school. As usual, Aditya and I dropped off sister first outside her class room, and then walked to Aditya's class.
Once we were close to his class, he began brisk walking and then running, using his hand to pull me, as if saying to me, "Come on Baba it's getting late" without uttering a word.
That he is enthusiastic about school is great, but even more cool is how he is expressing it through his own body language!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I want to fit in, but ...
One day Aditya walked up to me and said, "Mommy, you are naked!"
I just glanced at him with an amused look on my face.
Aditya (giggling): "Mommy, you are naked!"
Me: "Well, yes , under my clothes"
He went off for some time and came back again to say the same thing. So I asked him why he was saying so. Of late, he has started telling us that he does some things just to get a reaction. I thought this was one such incident.
Instead he said that he was imitating some boys in his class who say that to another child from the neighboring class. I was stunned. So I asked him if he felt that it was an appropriate thing to do. "No!", he said. "Well, then why do you copy them?"
"Because I want to fit in!"
Hmm .. I was getting into uncharted waters here! We spoke about "fitting in", meaning doing things that others do. We also spoke about personal values, meaning our own beliefs about something being good or bad for us. Then we got down to how we, because of our personal values, might or might not do things just to fit in. He seemed to get most of it. Not bad for my first attempt!
For a few weeks now, I have felt that kids in his class notice something different about A. Eg, one day a little girl came up to me and asked why he stood far away and waved his hand when trying to get somebody's attention. These are small quirks which some kids are curious about. Some kids, on the other hand, imitate or tease him.
Like these two little girls who run away with his backpack after he is done with his snack. I saw that happen once. When asked about it, Aditya said that they are having fun with his backpack. To him, it seemed to be some game they were playing. But to me, it seemed something different. They sneaked up to him and seemed to tease him.
It got me thinking. It seemed to me that he was not processing their body language. Well.. for now, I thought, if he is not reacting to them, kids will leave him alone after trying for some time. This was something we would definitely want to work on soon, though.
Boy, was I wrong! Of late, he has been coming home telling me how some kids are calling him names. A particular boy calls him "Zombie" on the playground. He told me that he didn't like it. "Well, what does zombie mean to you?"
"Zombie means slow. I know it because we play Zombie tag at PE. I don't like to be called slow."
True. Who would? Dialogue again. But it is true that he is still slower than most kids. When it comes to running, a 5 year old easily outruns him. He is doing his best, but physically it is still a challenge. At the end of the dialogue, he decided that he wanted more practice playing tag outside, not in the playroom :)
Yesterday he came home telling me "X called me PP ole" He was laughing, not knowing what it actually meant. I decided to go ahead and break it to him and see what happened. So I told him to listen carefully when I repeated what the boy had said. Then it struck him.
"So was he calling me Pee Pee hole?!" He exclaimed in disbelief.
Me: "Well, that is how it sounded to me."
A: "I did not like it that he called me that."
Me: "So how do you feel about it?"
A: "Ok."
Me:"Do you believe what he said?"
A:"No! I am not a Pee Pee hole!"
We spoke about the Option process and how the boy X was saying it for his own reasons.
Going through experiences like this, I often feel like shielding my kids from the big bad world. But I am glad they can experience this with us around, so they have us to come to, if needed.
I just glanced at him with an amused look on my face.
Aditya (giggling): "Mommy, you are naked!"
Me: "Well, yes , under my clothes"
He went off for some time and came back again to say the same thing. So I asked him why he was saying so. Of late, he has started telling us that he does some things just to get a reaction. I thought this was one such incident.
Instead he said that he was imitating some boys in his class who say that to another child from the neighboring class. I was stunned. So I asked him if he felt that it was an appropriate thing to do. "No!", he said. "Well, then why do you copy them?"
"Because I want to fit in!"
Hmm .. I was getting into uncharted waters here! We spoke about "fitting in", meaning doing things that others do. We also spoke about personal values, meaning our own beliefs about something being good or bad for us. Then we got down to how we, because of our personal values, might or might not do things just to fit in. He seemed to get most of it. Not bad for my first attempt!
For a few weeks now, I have felt that kids in his class notice something different about A. Eg, one day a little girl came up to me and asked why he stood far away and waved his hand when trying to get somebody's attention. These are small quirks which some kids are curious about. Some kids, on the other hand, imitate or tease him.
Like these two little girls who run away with his backpack after he is done with his snack. I saw that happen once. When asked about it, Aditya said that they are having fun with his backpack. To him, it seemed to be some game they were playing. But to me, it seemed something different. They sneaked up to him and seemed to tease him.
It got me thinking. It seemed to me that he was not processing their body language. Well.. for now, I thought, if he is not reacting to them, kids will leave him alone after trying for some time. This was something we would definitely want to work on soon, though.
Boy, was I wrong! Of late, he has been coming home telling me how some kids are calling him names. A particular boy calls him "Zombie" on the playground. He told me that he didn't like it. "Well, what does zombie mean to you?"
"Zombie means slow. I know it because we play Zombie tag at PE. I don't like to be called slow."
True. Who would? Dialogue again. But it is true that he is still slower than most kids. When it comes to running, a 5 year old easily outruns him. He is doing his best, but physically it is still a challenge. At the end of the dialogue, he decided that he wanted more practice playing tag outside, not in the playroom :)
Yesterday he came home telling me "X called me PP ole" He was laughing, not knowing what it actually meant. I decided to go ahead and break it to him and see what happened. So I told him to listen carefully when I repeated what the boy had said. Then it struck him.
"So was he calling me Pee Pee hole?!" He exclaimed in disbelief.
Me: "Well, that is how it sounded to me."
A: "I did not like it that he called me that."
Me: "So how do you feel about it?"
A: "Ok."
Me:"Do you believe what he said?"
A:"No! I am not a Pee Pee hole!"
We spoke about the Option process and how the boy X was saying it for his own reasons.
Going through experiences like this, I often feel like shielding my kids from the big bad world. But I am glad they can experience this with us around, so they have us to come to, if needed.
Monday, February 13, 2012
School and socialization
Today was a dull cold and rainy day here in sunny California. I reluctantly left the house this morning to volunteer in Aditya's classroom.
Going into his classroom, I participated in a few Brain Gym exercises with the teacher and kids. Somewhere in the day, the class had about 20 minutes of free choice inside the classroom. Earlier this year, this kind of unstructured time would really throw off Aditya, and he would just zone out, not knowing what to do. It was worse when I was in class, as he came to me and started talking (isming). Despite reminding him every single time, he invariably came to me and asked me what he could do.
Today, he actually looked around. There was a group of kids drawing/ making cards/ Valentines for their parents. There were a couple kids playing with plastic animals, another group building with legos, a few kids making Tangrams. Then he saw a boy holding a Twister mat. He went up to him, took the mat and both spread it out on the floor together. The boy came up to me, asked if I could be the spinner and off they went to start the game! Another girl joined in for some time and left. After about 15 minutes, Aditya was done. He simply walked off, put on his shoes and went to see what another boy was building. He did not wait for me to ask him if he was done or keep looking at me. I was shocked! I can only remember one such incidence, about 4 months ago. I had asked him why he kept doing something when didn't want to. His response had been: "I didn't know if they would be Okay for me to not play any more. I think they might be mad at me for playing legos." The "they" were his teacher, other aiding parents, other children! I had a hard time understanding why he would be so anxious. Nobody would care less about what he was playing or if he switched activities!
At read aloud, a child sitting next to Aditya found him picking his nose. The boy (Let's call him B) tapped Aditya and told him to wash his hands. Aditya ignored him a couple times and sat listening to the story. When B tapped him again, he walked away to the sink, washed his hands and came back to his seat. He then looked straight into B's eyes and told him "Do not touch me again, I do not like being touched." Talking about the incidence later, I also noticed that Aditya was non- judgemental of B and said "I just told him what I wanted. I was not mad at him."
Aditya gets to eat his lunch at school on Mondays, as I aid till the end of lunchtime. As they had lunch indoors because of the rains, I had the opportunity to closely observe his interaction with peers. Sitting at a table with 3 other boys, all talk was about some character called Captain Underpants. This character was new to me (and I think, also new to Aditya - we do not have a TV and he has not read these books) But he chimed in with everybody, gigling with them over some silly stuff. Then he and another boy (C) made up a character, Captain King, to go with Captain Underpants whose spaceship always landed on different kinds of sandwiches. There was a lot of giggling and silliness going on. Aditya was very proud that he could actually contribute by suggesting PB&J sandwich and what kind of sound it would make. The boys later moved on to play tag, but Aditya had a long day and was done. He put on his backpack and wanted to be home for some Son-Rise time.
This weekend we attended a baby shower, a first for the kids. We had explained what it meant and what to expect. Most of the kids attending were less than 5 year old and all were girls. A year ago, Aditya had a major challenge at a similar house warming party. (Unbelievable, but true .. we hardly ever socialize, so I exactly remember the times when we go out. It is usually a benchmark to see how he does in a social setting. A couple times a year is good enough for that!)
Aditya played tag and some game they came up with where they were all fairies and he was a thief stealing jewels from them. They played in the backyard and I felt completely lost, with both my kids on their own! I have to relearn socializing myself. I was at a loss .. what do people even talk about when they meet up? Definitely not Autism or Son-Rise or any other therapies .. hmm .. I am clueless!
But we did see that he was done in about 2 hours. That seems to be his threshold in an unstructured environment around kids, for now.
Being around so much food he cannot have is still a big stressor. Something for us to think about and work on!
We have been seeing this pretty consistently - a Birthday party a week ago .. a very structured party at a gym. Aditya had a blast! All went great till it was time to have food. Aditya had his own yummy lunch (he chooses what he eats when we go to such events) and his own sweet. But he still has a hard time controlling his emotions around pizza and cake!
Going into his classroom, I participated in a few Brain Gym exercises with the teacher and kids. Somewhere in the day, the class had about 20 minutes of free choice inside the classroom. Earlier this year, this kind of unstructured time would really throw off Aditya, and he would just zone out, not knowing what to do. It was worse when I was in class, as he came to me and started talking (isming). Despite reminding him every single time, he invariably came to me and asked me what he could do.
Today, he actually looked around. There was a group of kids drawing/ making cards/ Valentines for their parents. There were a couple kids playing with plastic animals, another group building with legos, a few kids making Tangrams. Then he saw a boy holding a Twister mat. He went up to him, took the mat and both spread it out on the floor together. The boy came up to me, asked if I could be the spinner and off they went to start the game! Another girl joined in for some time and left. After about 15 minutes, Aditya was done. He simply walked off, put on his shoes and went to see what another boy was building. He did not wait for me to ask him if he was done or keep looking at me. I was shocked! I can only remember one such incidence, about 4 months ago. I had asked him why he kept doing something when didn't want to. His response had been: "I didn't know if they would be Okay for me to not play any more. I think they might be mad at me for playing legos." The "they" were his teacher, other aiding parents, other children! I had a hard time understanding why he would be so anxious. Nobody would care less about what he was playing or if he switched activities!
At read aloud, a child sitting next to Aditya found him picking his nose. The boy (Let's call him B) tapped Aditya and told him to wash his hands. Aditya ignored him a couple times and sat listening to the story. When B tapped him again, he walked away to the sink, washed his hands and came back to his seat. He then looked straight into B's eyes and told him "Do not touch me again, I do not like being touched." Talking about the incidence later, I also noticed that Aditya was non- judgemental of B and said "I just told him what I wanted. I was not mad at him."
Aditya gets to eat his lunch at school on Mondays, as I aid till the end of lunchtime. As they had lunch indoors because of the rains, I had the opportunity to closely observe his interaction with peers. Sitting at a table with 3 other boys, all talk was about some character called Captain Underpants. This character was new to me (and I think, also new to Aditya - we do not have a TV and he has not read these books) But he chimed in with everybody, gigling with them over some silly stuff. Then he and another boy (C) made up a character, Captain King, to go with Captain Underpants whose spaceship always landed on different kinds of sandwiches. There was a lot of giggling and silliness going on. Aditya was very proud that he could actually contribute by suggesting PB&J sandwich and what kind of sound it would make. The boys later moved on to play tag, but Aditya had a long day and was done. He put on his backpack and wanted to be home for some Son-Rise time.
This weekend we attended a baby shower, a first for the kids. We had explained what it meant and what to expect. Most of the kids attending were less than 5 year old and all were girls. A year ago, Aditya had a major challenge at a similar house warming party. (Unbelievable, but true .. we hardly ever socialize, so I exactly remember the times when we go out. It is usually a benchmark to see how he does in a social setting. A couple times a year is good enough for that!)
Aditya played tag and some game they came up with where they were all fairies and he was a thief stealing jewels from them. They played in the backyard and I felt completely lost, with both my kids on their own! I have to relearn socializing myself. I was at a loss .. what do people even talk about when they meet up? Definitely not Autism or Son-Rise or any other therapies .. hmm .. I am clueless!
But we did see that he was done in about 2 hours. That seems to be his threshold in an unstructured environment around kids, for now.
Being around so much food he cannot have is still a big stressor. Something for us to think about and work on!
We have been seeing this pretty consistently - a Birthday party a week ago .. a very structured party at a gym. Aditya had a blast! All went great till it was time to have food. Aditya had his own yummy lunch (he chooses what he eats when we go to such events) and his own sweet. But he still has a hard time controlling his emotions around pizza and cake!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Physical activity!
Begining January, Aditya started attending Gymnastic classes on Saturday Mornings. His sister has her class at the same time, in the adjoining hall. She has been doing gym classes for a couple years now. All kids love climbing the tree outside, and they line up as soon as class is done. Aditya had shown no interest in climbing the tree till last year. He tried last summer, but could not (I guess that he might not have been physically up to it, but I could be wrong)
This time around, he really wanted to climb and asked me for help. After helping him a couple times, I encouraged him to try it by himself. When he was reluctant, I helped him. After one particular class, sister was having a bad day and chose to be unhappy about something she couldn't control. I wanted to be with her and A wanted to climb the tree. He made a choice to go all by himself while I sat at a distance, talking to sister. And guess what, he asked another mom for help and climbed up! He had such a big boost in self confidence that he tried it over and over again, by himself and mastered it.
Now he gets in line behind the other kids and eagerly awaits his turn.
While volunteering on the playground, I encouraged him to use the monkey bars, which he reluctantly did, and has now mastered.
This time around, he really wanted to climb and asked me for help. After helping him a couple times, I encouraged him to try it by himself. When he was reluctant, I helped him. After one particular class, sister was having a bad day and chose to be unhappy about something she couldn't control. I wanted to be with her and A wanted to climb the tree. He made a choice to go all by himself while I sat at a distance, talking to sister. And guess what, he asked another mom for help and climbed up! He had such a big boost in self confidence that he tried it over and over again, by himself and mastered it.
Now he gets in line behind the other kids and eagerly awaits his turn.
While volunteering on the playground, I encouraged him to use the monkey bars, which he reluctantly did, and has now mastered.
Update!
Of late, many noteworthy moments are going to my husband's facebook page rather than being documented here:) Speak about ease of use...
Early last month, we had a meeting with A's school regarding increasing his hours. He was going for 2 hours, all 5 days a week, till December. Going into the meeting, we were hoping that he would be able to take one full day (3.5 hours) while keeping the 2 hours for the rest of the week. First two weeks went by with him being very tired the day after. But soon enough, HE wanted to go "like all other kids" more than once a week. So we bumped it up to 2 full days, with 2 hours on the remaining three days.
Starting February 1st, they began a very special unit in class - the Valentine's day Post Office. Each child gets to do one of 8 jobs each day - a bank teller, stamp clerk, mail pick up person, facer, date stamper, canceler, sorter and mail carrier. Each day, a child brings envelopes to mail to his classmates. It is an amazing insight into the workings of a post office. Aditya not just loved doing this, he also demanded to know why he is allowed to be in school for about 3 hours on days when he is supposed to be there for 2 hours. Turns out, he actually loved being there and missed playground time which others got after they finished their jobs. He actually said this: "It is not fair that everybody gets to play after they do their jobs and you take me home. I do not like going just 2 hours + post office. I am tired but I enjoy it, so WHY?" We reached an agreement that he gets to play 10 minutes before going home. :)
Aiding in his class has allowed me to experience changes in him and I feel SOOOO blessed to be witnessing some amazing things ....
Till January: Teacher used to ask kids to sit in number order. Most kids quickly found their spot and sat, while some sat wherever they could. Aditya used to go to his spot, but usually had to no space left around the other kids who were faster. He would just push or gently nudge (not use his words) and then give up, go sit somewhere away from the group, towards the end of class. But not any more!
NOW: (I witnessed this at least twice) He actually went up to the boy who was sitting in his spot and told him :"this is my spot. Go find your name spot." If the child ignored him, he would actually make space for himself and sit and wiggle around till he was comfortable. I also noticed that kids around him have started supporting him, telling the child(ren) who are taking his spot that "This is Aditya's spot. You can sit elsewhere."
At school, I have seen him fooling around with other boys. Boys picking each other up and swirling .. running to and tagging somebody out of nowhere .. these kind of small things that little boys do. He seems to enjoying them and laughing .. even participating all by himself, without being invited.
Another BIG event at school this month has been the Variety show. A's sister was in a group performance with 8 other kids. She had rehearsals thrice a week after school and we were mostly there with her. I actually saw him join kids in her group as they were fooling around, chasing each other, making faces ..
We have seen a lot of assertion lately. Around the house with his sister, with other kids outside his Gymnastics class (Yes, he started one!) and even with us. I actually was amazed to see him tell another kid on the playground "You don't tell me to go. I am going to wait for that girl to finish going to the other end and then start. It is not safe for two kids to go on the monkey bars at the same time" He is still more verbose and making up some of his own safety rules, but this assertion was huge!
I could go on for hours but will post again soon!
Early last month, we had a meeting with A's school regarding increasing his hours. He was going for 2 hours, all 5 days a week, till December. Going into the meeting, we were hoping that he would be able to take one full day (3.5 hours) while keeping the 2 hours for the rest of the week. First two weeks went by with him being very tired the day after. But soon enough, HE wanted to go "like all other kids" more than once a week. So we bumped it up to 2 full days, with 2 hours on the remaining three days.
Starting February 1st, they began a very special unit in class - the Valentine's day Post Office. Each child gets to do one of 8 jobs each day - a bank teller, stamp clerk, mail pick up person, facer, date stamper, canceler, sorter and mail carrier. Each day, a child brings envelopes to mail to his classmates. It is an amazing insight into the workings of a post office. Aditya not just loved doing this, he also demanded to know why he is allowed to be in school for about 3 hours on days when he is supposed to be there for 2 hours. Turns out, he actually loved being there and missed playground time which others got after they finished their jobs. He actually said this: "It is not fair that everybody gets to play after they do their jobs and you take me home. I do not like going just 2 hours + post office. I am tired but I enjoy it, so WHY?" We reached an agreement that he gets to play 10 minutes before going home. :)
Aiding in his class has allowed me to experience changes in him and I feel SOOOO blessed to be witnessing some amazing things ....
Till January: Teacher used to ask kids to sit in number order. Most kids quickly found their spot and sat, while some sat wherever they could. Aditya used to go to his spot, but usually had to no space left around the other kids who were faster. He would just push or gently nudge (not use his words) and then give up, go sit somewhere away from the group, towards the end of class. But not any more!
NOW: (I witnessed this at least twice) He actually went up to the boy who was sitting in his spot and told him :"this is my spot. Go find your name spot." If the child ignored him, he would actually make space for himself and sit and wiggle around till he was comfortable. I also noticed that kids around him have started supporting him, telling the child(ren) who are taking his spot that "This is Aditya's spot. You can sit elsewhere."
At school, I have seen him fooling around with other boys. Boys picking each other up and swirling .. running to and tagging somebody out of nowhere .. these kind of small things that little boys do. He seems to enjoying them and laughing .. even participating all by himself, without being invited.
Another BIG event at school this month has been the Variety show. A's sister was in a group performance with 8 other kids. She had rehearsals thrice a week after school and we were mostly there with her. I actually saw him join kids in her group as they were fooling around, chasing each other, making faces ..
We have seen a lot of assertion lately. Around the house with his sister, with other kids outside his Gymnastics class (Yes, he started one!) and even with us. I actually was amazed to see him tell another kid on the playground "You don't tell me to go. I am going to wait for that girl to finish going to the other end and then start. It is not safe for two kids to go on the monkey bars at the same time" He is still more verbose and making up some of his own safety rules, but this assertion was huge!
I could go on for hours but will post again soon!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
He asked for a Hi-5!
The title sums it up, really.
It's exciting when your child recovering from autism raises his right hand and asks you for a High Five:-)
It's exciting when your child recovering from autism raises his right hand and asks you for a High Five:-)
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