Meeting other families over tea!

Two Sundays ago, Dad's friend invited us over to his new home for a "house warming party".  We decided that only Dad and Sis would go, and that Aditya would play at home with his two volunteers who had signed up to play on that day.  Mom would stay home as well, to look after him as well as to provide feedback to the volunteers.

For about two years now, Aditya has been basically refusing to attend this kind of a social gathering of people where he would find it difficult to know what he was (and wasn't) supposed to do.

However after the first house warming party (to which he did not go) he told us that he actually wanted to go.

And then, another friend called us over to his house for tea, except this was for a smaller group of families.  (Even then, there would be about 5 families and about 15 people.)

Knowing that he has had two successful play dates with a child of his age (other than his sister) we decided to think about this possibility.  We knew that if we went, we had to carefully monitor how he was doing with the other kids.    We eventually decided that we would go, but that as soon as we felt that Aditya was having challenges, one of us parents would leave with him.

Dad also had a "dialogue" with son and discussed with him what to expect at such an event, and why people meet in this way.   Knowing that there would be other children, Dad also told Aditya their names and ages.  (They are all our friends' children so we know these details well.)  We also talked about how to know what another child might want to (and might not want to) talk about.

Aditya and Dad agreed that other children would generally like to talk about and listen to "real" things, but not things that were "imagination" as they would not know about those things.   Aditya then wondered if Dad could train those other kids about the imagination stuff (such as the automatic spoon and the "ride"- both abstract concepts that he has created and talks about with great interest)...  similar to how he trained his "friends" about what to do when Aditya talks about the imagination stuff!  How cool would that be!

Dad made it clear he could not train those kids.

Dad, instead, suggested a game wherein we randomly selected topics and classified them as real or imagination,  so that he could figure out what things kids might be interested in.

Aditya enthusiastically participated, and to our great amazement, clearly put all his fantastic imagination stuff (automatic spoon, the ride, Shamu Salad, Mickey Mouse shaped bathroom sinks, etc) ... under the column named "imagination".  And only the real stuff (such as fruits, glue, chutes and ladders, car, etc) under the column named "real".   In other words, he DOES know he is talking about imaginary things, but he NEEDS to do that as a way of coping with the unpredictable world he is in.

Finally the day of the event came.   We went over to our friends' house, all of us excited, as we were going to do this almost after a gap of 2 years.  (Yes, even Aditya was very excited that he was doing this.)

What happened at the party?

Well, we did not see an Aditya who played like a typical child with all the other kids there.  He coped very well, though, and mostly allowed Dad/Mom/Sister to interact with their friends.  He did not interact with the kids at the party... all of them girls, at least a couple years younger to him, making it more unpredictable fore him.    He only talked to Dad or Mom once in a while, and said Hello to one of Dad's friends, and Bye to everyone in the end.

He had his special snack, and had no issues with the others eating "regular" snacks.

One hour into the event, he asked when we would leave.  This we expected, and offered him his favorite things to do (drawing, listening to music on Dad's personal player).

He also made a smoothie for Dad in the pretend kitchen at the hosts' house.  At this point, once Dad enthusiastically drank up the smoothie,  he said "NOW YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR FRIENDS".

After another 40 minutes or so, he asked again when we would leave.  Expected, as well.  This was not going to be an event where he would "thrive".  He was just "coping", but then he was doing it totally on his own, with little support from us!

We told him we would leave in 15 minutes, to which he said "Okay".

Then there was one sudden change that he responded to with some anxiety.  Sister, who was having a blast with all the other girls at the party, requested to stay for another 15 minutes.  Dad agreed to stay there for another 15 minutes (but not more), while Mom would go back to the car with Aditya.  At this point he became anxious and wondered if Dad and Sis would not come home.  When we explained, he went with Mom and, although still somewhat anxious, settled down quickly.

Dad and sister left in  15 minutes as promised, and we all then returned home listening to our favorite songs in the car.  All in all, everyone in the family was able to have fun in some way.

Did Aditya have lots of fun?  No way!  And we accept that.  Again, we know he is doing his best right now.

But.... we continue to look forward to the day when Aditya, too, will have fun being at a social meeting, and even doing "purposeless" things such as chatting away!

And we strongly believe that that day will soon be here!  However, the fact that he basically just "coped" (rather than enjoyed) at this event suggests that he is still not ready for this kind of events.

How cool and exciting it is that we know how far he has come!   But we also know now clearly,  that it would be a mistake to throw him into such unpredictable social situations rightaway.


In the meantime, it's back to the playroom!   The playroom is the social gym where he exercises and builds his  social muscle so he can better navigate the super exciting (yet unpredictable) world of human relationships.

Hi 5!

Looking at the blog today, I noticed that we had been taking a hiatus from blogging every now and then for the past few months. But hardly a day goes by, without us mentioning to each other "Wow! Now that's worth blogging about!"
As we grow comfortable handling new challenges, he seems to grow even more.
I had a bad cold last week and could not be in the playroom as promised. Since Aditya and me are the only ones home in the mornings, this was a challenge. I introduced a book of mazes to him. Till now, he had shown an aversion to mazes. This time around, I started off with a very simple book begining with tracing paths (for 3 - 5 year olds). As we did it for a few minutes, he got really hooked on to it. I called it a day after about 10 mazes. By the time I checked back on him in 30 minutes, he was done with about 20 more. "Mom, I like mazes!" It took him longer to write the date and his name than to solve the maze:) Another amazing thing that came out of this was that he was motivated to read the instructions on the page and actually read and comprehended what he was supposed to do. I knew for a long time that he was capable of reading but never made it my priority.
Last night after dinner, we praised both our kids for being wonderful and considerate playmates. We also let them know how proud we were to have kids who got along so well and had a good time. No sooner were the words out of our mouths, that Aditya, who was sitting close to his sister, went up to her, raised his hand and said," Yay! Hi Five!"
We were amazed... but we did believe what we had just seen!
As they say: believing in dreams is the first step to see them happen for real!