Friday, December 30, 2011

It's the Holidays, but we are still in business!

Quite a few things happening over here.

Baba has the whole week off, so we did the unthinkable (compared to what we have been doing for over 2 years now... AVOID long drives and multiple night overnight stays with Aditya).

We decided to take off for a few days and vacation in Santa Barbara. This meant that Aai and Baba spent 2 nights cooking several special diet meals for the whole family, besides everyone in the family also spending a few hours getting their bags ready.
We drove to Santa Barbara on the day of Christmas to make travel easy (with not much traffic on the streets). We stopped by at McDonalds that was open even on that day for a restroom break (YES!)

Aditya and the rest of the family used the restroom to take care of their bodies. Those family members who were interested, could claim 4/8 points for using the restroom for no. 1/ no. 2! And they did:-) Sometimes on this trip they have done both and claimed 12 points!


The time at Santa Barbara is being spent doing a variety of things, some of Aditya's liking and some not. Among things he likes, we have been wetting our feet in the oceans waters and then running on the soft sand. We have also been walking up and down State Street, and riding the all-electric waterfront shuttle. We have been visiting beautiful old structures like the Old Mission and the CourtHouse. Regardless of where we go, Aditya and sister have been enjoying the green sights and the space to run around!

When doing things not of his liking, the limits that he still has are being exposed. For example, the trip to the zoo revealed how much he still hates being there (he always has hated it, perhaps due to the smells). And it also revealed what an important role food plays in his recovery.

For example: we decided we would feed the giraffe. That would be possible at 11:30AM and not earlier. As we entered the zoo Aditya asked when we can feed the giraffes. We told him we did not know exactly when, but could not do that before 11:30AM. For that one hour, nothing could interest our little guy. He was focused on feeding the giraffe at 11:30 and he also seemed restless about the wait. While the rest of us enjoyed looking at and checking out cool facts about the colorful birds, the penguins, the frogs, the elephants, the goats, and the baboons, Aditya took turns taking a keen interest knowing about the animals, sometimes superficially looking at them... and sometimes downright avoiding looking at them. In one case he also complained looking at the elephant was embarrassing (as it pooped right when everyone was watching him).

Baba encouraged him to choose between being flexible and strolling towards the giraffes and checking out other animals on the way, OR being clear and honest that he really only wanted to go to the giraffes and was not interested in anything else before that. Either would be okay, we just wanted to know how his honest thoughts. He was pretty upset at this point, but he then announced he was not interested in anything else, and would rather go to the giraffe.

Baba and he proceeded to the giraffes (but did check out lions on the way... where the pounds-and-kilograms-lover Aditya learnt that daddy lions are 400 pounds heavy while mommy lions are 300 pounds) and waited in line where Aai and sister joined them soon after. Aditya was still restless and wanted to go pee again. Aai and sister were there soon so they waited in line while Aditya and Baba went to use the restroom. Then Aai figured out from the look on his face that he was hungry (we also knew he had not finished his breakfast). When asked about it, he said he was extremely hungry. He went to the nearby bench with Aai and ate another snack while Baba and sister fed the giraffe.

After he had eaten to his satisfaction, he was a transformed child who happily waited in the line AGAIN to feed the giraffe. Once at the giraffe feeding station, he did amazingly well and had no qualms about being licked by the gray tongue of that female giraffe.


The trip to Santa Barbara has also revealed how much he still takes things literally. Some things he has been saying or asking:
1. He has been repeatedly saying: "People at Alamo car rental are honest. People at Dollar car rental are not." (Somebody once told him their experience of the Dollar car rental company incorrectly charging them money for damage they did not do to their car.)
2. You got this IGLOO for taking it to Santa Barbara (IGLOO = the ice cooler that keeps foods in good condition). Will we take the same IGLOO to a trip to a different city? (Baba had told him he was getting an IGLOO to take to Santa Barbara (while that would imply future trips to other cities to a typical mind, that is off the path that the mind with autism knows.)
3. Where is Red Cross? (Countries have flags. Red Cross also has a flag. Red cross must be a country.)
4. Santa Cruz (which is 40 miles away from where we live) is hotter because it is to the South (If something is to South, it is hotter. If something is to the North, it is cooler.)
5. Why do they have an Atlantic Avenue here? (We are close to the Pacific ocean, so they should only have Pacific Avenue here).


Time to play games around "word plays" and phrases that do not mean literally what they say.


Lastly... Baba and Aditya did play a super-spontaneous-imagination game of flying an imaginary airline and going places, where we take turns acting out a new scene using some random props in an old cardboard box.

For example, we began the game in California, and Baba picked Romania as the place to go. "Virgin Europe" Aditya chose the airline with delight. Once we were in Romania, Aditya was to pick something from the box of sundry things around the house and make up a scene. He picked the toy car and said we would race cars. Baba said he was excited but did not have a car. Aditya offered him one from the toys he had! They then played cars, where Aditya said they should now crash them, and the drivers should die.

(He continues to be fascinated and simultaneously paranoid about ideas like cars crashing and people cutting each other with swords).

We enthusiastically died because he asked for it.

Baba then proposed that they be re-born in a new city and country of A's choice. A picked Capetown in South Africa. Baba offered to make a song at this time, and wrote it up with A's help on the board. To rhyme things, Baba chose that one of their names would end with Brown (to rhyme with Capetown). Once in Capetown, it was Baba's turn to pretend something in the box to be something else. He picked pages from a notepad and turned them into books to be taken to school by Aditya and him. Once they skated to school on roller-skates, Aditya chose to become the teacher Ms Victoria and told kids about how to become better people.

The game went on for almost 2 hours, in which we next went to Canberra (Australia), Mumbai (India), and Stockholm (Sweden). We flew Jet Australia, Virgin India and Virgin Sweden to go. We stayed at Hill Hotel next to Canberra Airpot, where Aditya did his favorite thing of ordering food over the phone. Once in Mumbai, we turned into people speaking Marathi. We took turns going to Chowpati Beach and then Pune in a taxi.

Aditya sought out stimulation by refusing to pay the taxi driver, so the taxi driver would yell at him in Marathi.

In Sweden, we pretended to watch Soccer on TV, where Aditya played the American team and Baba played the Sweden team.

Through the game, there were times when A was stretched as he had to make up something from a thing like the tape, a piece of cardboard, a clothes-pin, a TV remote control, a lettuce leaf.

He commented that he found the game a little interesting, but he would find it more interesting once he practiced it:-)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

"You can tell him about autism"

Aditya is doing so many new things and breaking new records, we are struggling to keep track!

Last weekend, we as a family did what we had consciously avoided, for 2.5 years. We spent a whole evening in the fair at Downtown San Jose- also known as Christmas in the Park.

Chaos! Utter chaos! And a 6 year old boy and his sister (and their parents) having a hell of a time.

Then, on Sunday evening, we decided to go on a long drive. Aditya voted to go to Pacifica (and he is equally fascinated with its East Coast counter part named Atlanta). We drove, checking out the beautiful and green sights, and returned when it was dark. That is, in fact, when we went to Target, where we got the Christmas Tree, and Aditya used the super noisy dryer.

Yesterday, also after almost 3 years, Aditya attended a friend's birthday party at the nearby Pump-It-Up. And he had a blast doing that.

The friend's dad expressed curiosity about him not eating cake. Mom told him that Aditya was allergic to gluten. Aditya whispered: "You can tell him about autism".

Monday, December 19, 2011

Aditya on the impending Debt Crisis!

This afternoon:

Aditya has just won 2 points for using the restroom in the house. We add 2 to his score.

Then he says: "Now I have $7 from using the restroom. But don't give me so many dollars that you have no more money."

We have now used The Target Restroom with its super-noisy Hand Dryer

So as we said in one of the recent posts, we have a potty-fest going on at our house. The kids are earning points for using the potty to take care of their bodies. When they do that in a place they are not used to, they get extra points!

Aditya got a spot award of 101 points yesterday as he broke yet another record. This was the Target Store close to our house. The kids had requested for a Christmas tree to decorate. And yes, that included Aditya, who is really keen to do it this year, and never was until this year!

So we were at the Target store, and Baba declared he wanted to use the restroom (and he really wanted to). The hand dryer in this particular store is the noisiest of all hand dryers we have seen. It is so noisy that two years ago, Aditya who had already gotten used to using a smaller dryer, became anxious all over again when he saw someone use this Target hand dryer.

Yesterday, after doing this business and washing his hands, he said to me, "I am a little scared. Can you use that first?"

Sure, said I, and began using the dryer. He looked startled with the noise it made.

Then he waited for it to stop.

Then he went for it, and used it!

Frankly we are getting used to him getting used to life like this... but even then... this marks yet another, and greater, accomplishment!

Right away I awarded 101 points to him, for he had conquered the monster than was noisier than even the one at Amber India!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Totally okay to use the restroom (and a certain hand dryer too)!

During our trip to "Son Rise House",  we came to realize that Aditya actually had lots of anxiety around using restrooms (toilets) at any place except his.  It was quite stunning to see this, as he has been toilet trained since he was 2.5 years old.  He resisted using the restroom attached to his playroom in the Son Rise House.  He resisted going in the airplane for 6 hours, and then at the airport as well.   He even skipped his meal during flight so he would not have to go.  On another note,  he had not used the restroom in school... ever!

So when we came back, we knew we had to make using the toilet a fun, interesting, and rewarding  experience. We began by announcing that we would be handing out stickers to anyone who uses the toilet without leaving their pants "outside" the toilet.  (This really was most likely why  Aditya would not use the restroom in a place like school... leaving his pants outside was too embarassing, but he probably did not know any other way either.)

It was sister who won the first several points (i.e. got lots of stickers) with ease.  This was great, because sibling rivalry was soon at play.  Aditya responded to the challenge soon and figured out how to not leave his pants outside.

Over the next few days, we celebrated the kids for taking care of their bodies... as they tried using the restroom on time, before going to bed, before going out, etc.

We also introduced some interesting new rules for winning stickers.  For one, we announced that we were going to keep a score instead of handing so many stickers everyday.  One point would earn them 1 cent.  Whatever their total score on their next birthday, they would get those many cents to keep in their piggy bank.

"Trying to go" would earn them 1 point.  "Going successfully" got them 2 points.  We also proposed that using the restroom at a place other than their own home (e.g. a friend's house) would earn them 3 points.  At a restaurant, they would earn 4 points for trying to pee and 8 for doing it with success.  For using the restroom for responding to the "biggest" nature call... at an outside place (like a restaurant)... they would get 8 points for trying and 16 for actually going.  Finally... if they went in school, they would earn 25 points flat.

(The rules evolved as Aditya has responded to each additional twist with a renewed desire to be the top scorer!)

During our thanksgiving break, we took the kids on a train ride to San Francisco, and Aditya was already at ease using the restroom in different places (but on one occasion even holding it on MY request because there was no restroom there!)

But the climax was reached last week when Aditya announced he wanted to "explore" the class restroom with his class aide Mr Bob.  He did, and earned 10 points for exploring!  2 days later, he went to the restroom again with his Mom who was aiding in class that day... and blushed when we awarded him 25 points as promised.

Then... on last Friday when I went to pick him up at school, he had a huge smile on his face as he announced that he had earned another 25... this time going with another boy in his class!

One of the really cool side effects of this has been that he is now a lot more relaxed around restrooms in general.  

A bonus has been his willingness to try out the "hand dryer" again.  Sometimes, he is even willing to try an especially loud or unpredictable (i.e. one that seems to start suddenly when someone is around) dryer.

Just this weekend, we went to the Amber India restaurant that we love, but where Aditya used to be absolutely paranoid about the unpredictable and loud hand dryer.  This time around, he allowed me to use that dryer (this I have been asking him permission for, and even doing it with a smile on my face so he knows it does not hurt... that in fact I find it fun).  But then when was I done using it, he said he would like to try!

He... was using... the hand dryer... at Amber!  I mean, the dryer in that restroom has been a constant source of anxiety for him ever since we remember.

I was so elated that I announced a reward of 100 points flat.

The victory over the Amber India dryer is more than symbolic.   This is a boy who is anxious as a rule around places and things he does not know.  We think that his willingness to try the loudest and unpredictable-lest dryer of them all... is a sign of him starting to enjoy life without constantly being in a "flight or fight" state of mind!

He had a "chat" with his cousin

Soon after we began our Son Rise program, Aditya's language exploded.  Over the next few months, he began having phone conversations with his grandparents, uncles and cousins (living in another city or country).  
These conversations have grown tremendously in the last few weeks in maturity, coherence, flexibility, and even spontaneity! And the chat he had this Sunday with his cousin (we will call him "O") in North Carolina was so beautiful....  I am still delighting in it!
First things first, it was O who asked to talk to A.  I went up to A and asked if he wanted to talk to O.  A left whatever he was doing so he could talk!

When they began talking, O was the sweetest and the most patient and loving brother,  giving A plenty of time to process his thoughts and put together sentences!  At one point,  O was so patient (and thus okay with the silence that there was since no one was talking!)  that A figured he should say something totally original and spontaneous... "How is school going for you?"  :-)

Other highlights of this discussion:
1.  To the question "how is school going" O said "kinda hard" as he is in 5th grade.  Aditya replied it is nice to have some challenges in life:-)
2.  O and A compared notes on India's (cricketer) Virat Kohli's 80 runs, and O commented on how Kohli is friends with another cricketer Suresh Raina.  O asked him who is his favorite player... Virat Kohli was A's answer.  O replied his favorite is MS Dhoni.  "Mahendra Singh Dhoni?" asked A to confirm!   Then O asked A if he could guess his dad's (i.e. my brother's, not mine) favorite cricketer and Aditya guessed it as Sachin Tendulkar.

Then.....
O: "So when will you come here?"
A:  "Some time soon"
O said something (not remembering the exact words) to ask what he meant by "soon".
A:" My parents are collecting the money to buy tickets for a plane. When they have enough money we will come."

Friday, December 2, 2011

He advised me to "sit down"

"Maybe you should sit down back to back, bottom to bottom".

Aditya said that to Baba who was walking around, removing shells of and then munching on Pistachios, and fumbling and dropping a few here and there... every now and then!

Aditya, on the other hand, was sitting at the table and eating pistachios too.

Baba had a hearty laugh as Aditya gave him that piece of advice so spontaneously, right there, in that moment!   He also thanked Aditya from the bottom of his heart, sat down like a good dad, and continued eating his pistachios.

(By the way, Aditya rarely sits back to back when he eats.)