Of course, we are talking about Shreya, the one and only twin sister of Aditya.
We had asked her about it before, but when I (Baba) asked her today if she wanted to take a game inside and play with Aditya for 30 minutes, she was very interested.
We speak to her once in a while about how if she really wanted to be someone's friend, she could choose to spend some time talking about "their thing" and doing it with them, so that they feel like playing her game.
As we talked about it again today, she said she has tried this in school with a girl who likes Ballerinas and so they combined their interests and made up some game about dogs and ballerinas.
That's it! We then brainstormed about a game where Shreya would have her motivation (dogs) and Aditya would have his (airplane, inventions, machines, super heroes) too.
She quickly put together an idea of the game, and on my suggestion she put in 3 challenges for Aditya. She drew it all on an easel to make presenting easy. She then quickly cut out 4 doggy ears from paper, and even created 2 paper loops and taped the dog ears on to the loops. She then also quickly created a cape! All done in less than 20 minutes!
The sweet and loving 7 year old brought in such a fresh surge of energy and a new perspective! I was totally impressed.
Aditya was playing with Arjun when I went in and gave him the news. He was interested... in fact, excited... as that meant he did not have to leave the playroom (otherwise he would have).
I took her and the easel inside, and that's it. Arjun and I left the room and did his feedback in the living room, while the siblings played with each other for a whole 30 minutes. No bickering, no control battles, just play and having fun! (We did videotape this special play session.)
Later Shreya reported that it was lots of fun, and Aditya was extremely flexible and never "sat down and talked about his cars" (his major ism wherein he completely loses the other person and can talk for several minutes at a stretch). He totally rose to the first challenge of becoming a dog-airplane combination machine and rescuing Silky the puppy (played by Shreya). He also innovated a way to solve another challenge-- put out the fire on an island where the rescued dog's mom was trapped. He would drink lots of water and then use a machine to push it out of his throat and throw it up over the fire!
There are several "firsts" we have seen in our program, but this is a special "first", for it belongs to Shreya as well as Aditya. Both are our role models with their creativity, energy, excitement, enthusiasm, and their willingness to step out of their comfort zone to change themselves and create something wonderful!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Physical challenges? Low energy? Who are we talking about?
Last night, my daughter was telling me about how proud she is of the running club in her class and her hopes of getting to a 100 laps by the end of this week. Aditya chimed in saying he too, runs a lap everyday at PE. "Really?"
"Yes, and I don't even stop, except on the first day, when I was waiting for K because I didn't want to cut in front of her."
"Wow! That is awesome! I want to double check I understand what you are saying. So you run a whole lap, meaning you run all four sides of the track without stopping?"
"Yes, and you can ask Sheryl." (She is the instructional assistant in his class, who takes half the class out to PE while the teacher focuses on academics for the other half.)
When I went to school today, I spoke to the IA and she confirmed that indeed, he not only ran a lap nonstop, but was among the first few kids to finish. After running, he participated enthusiastically in different tag games they play, like fish gobbler, blob tag, etc. He also loves the different warm up exercises they do.
"He is doing fine! Till this moment, I had forgotten that you had told me at our meeting about his having physical challenges and low energy levels. One more thing I notice about him is that he likes to complete all work as soon as he gets it. His 'unfinished work' folder is always empty :)"
I have also seen him sit next to a particular boy at lunch pretty regularly. I do not risk going too close, but they were smiling and talking.
Today I found him very relaxed and enthusiastic. After six hours of school followed by two back to back two-hour SonRise playroom sessions, this guy was rocking the dining table with his silliness.
Aditya had been having a rash and dry itchy skin for the past few weeks. I was regularly moisturizing it with Coconut oil but nothing was cutting it. He had never had this problem before. Suddenly over the labor day weekend, I had a light-bulb moment and realized that Chlorine was the probable culprit. He started swim lessons around mid July and we moved 4 weeks ago. There was a peculiar stench in the bathroom here, which I had been trying to place, since day 1. His skin was a little dry before we moved, but in the weeks after the move, it had progressed from bad to worse. For the past 3 days, we have worked intensely and he is feeling much better. I made three trips to school today, to moisturize his itchy skin and it seems to have paid off. (Thankfully, we now live close to school!) He seemed much more relaxed, able to focus and also enjoy himself in class. Thank the universe!
"Yes, and I don't even stop, except on the first day, when I was waiting for K because I didn't want to cut in front of her."
"Wow! That is awesome! I want to double check I understand what you are saying. So you run a whole lap, meaning you run all four sides of the track without stopping?"
"Yes, and you can ask Sheryl." (She is the instructional assistant in his class, who takes half the class out to PE while the teacher focuses on academics for the other half.)
When I went to school today, I spoke to the IA and she confirmed that indeed, he not only ran a lap nonstop, but was among the first few kids to finish. After running, he participated enthusiastically in different tag games they play, like fish gobbler, blob tag, etc. He also loves the different warm up exercises they do.
"He is doing fine! Till this moment, I had forgotten that you had told me at our meeting about his having physical challenges and low energy levels. One more thing I notice about him is that he likes to complete all work as soon as he gets it. His 'unfinished work' folder is always empty :)"
I have also seen him sit next to a particular boy at lunch pretty regularly. I do not risk going too close, but they were smiling and talking.
Today I found him very relaxed and enthusiastic. After six hours of school followed by two back to back two-hour SonRise playroom sessions, this guy was rocking the dining table with his silliness.
Aditya had been having a rash and dry itchy skin for the past few weeks. I was regularly moisturizing it with Coconut oil but nothing was cutting it. He had never had this problem before. Suddenly over the labor day weekend, I had a light-bulb moment and realized that Chlorine was the probable culprit. He started swim lessons around mid July and we moved 4 weeks ago. There was a peculiar stench in the bathroom here, which I had been trying to place, since day 1. His skin was a little dry before we moved, but in the weeks after the move, it had progressed from bad to worse. For the past 3 days, we have worked intensely and he is feeling much better. I made three trips to school today, to moisturize his itchy skin and it seems to have paid off. (Thankfully, we now live close to school!) He seemed much more relaxed, able to focus and also enjoy himself in class. Thank the universe!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Only a weekend ago!
After I wrote the last post, I realized that only a weekend ago, we visited a family friend in an extremely social situation full of strangers, grown up and not. Actually, the number of kids there was more than any similar social get-together he had been to, except before SON RISE.
The key observations then were:
1. He clearly survived for the most part. He handled transitions easily, and had no fuss eating his special food.
2. He was rude to the other kids on several occasions, mostly around sharing. He would simply refuse to leave the backyard swing, for example.
3. The 4-ish year old younger son of the hosts who was extremely adorable and social, tapped Aditya on his cheeks. Aditya gave a huge and unpleasant reaction to this, after which apparently the little boy did it a few times. Aditya was in tears and in fact on the verge of a break down when I saw him a little later. He pointed to the boy and said he hates him because he touches him constantly on his cheek. I resolved the matter by explaining he was doing it because he liked Aditya (which is actually what the boy told me).
As I relish the moments of this weekend, I also recall the memories of the last weekend, and really, that sounds so exciting that he changed to the point of accepting other kids and being accepted too... just in a week. (Not to say that I need things to stay this way going forward. I am aware they can change.)
The key observations then were:
1. He clearly survived for the most part. He handled transitions easily, and had no fuss eating his special food.
2. He was rude to the other kids on several occasions, mostly around sharing. He would simply refuse to leave the backyard swing, for example.
3. The 4-ish year old younger son of the hosts who was extremely adorable and social, tapped Aditya on his cheeks. Aditya gave a huge and unpleasant reaction to this, after which apparently the little boy did it a few times. Aditya was in tears and in fact on the verge of a break down when I saw him a little later. He pointed to the boy and said he hates him because he touches him constantly on his cheek. I resolved the matter by explaining he was doing it because he liked Aditya (which is actually what the boy told me).
As I relish the moments of this weekend, I also recall the memories of the last weekend, and really, that sounds so exciting that he changed to the point of accepting other kids and being accepted too... just in a week. (Not to say that I need things to stay this way going forward. I am aware they can change.)
Accepted by kids as one of them!
It is the last few hours of the Labor day weekend, and as I look back at it, I am beyond awe-struck with what I am seeing about the new Aditya and what that means for our.. seemingly... new... life!
1. We decided on Sunday afternoon that we would spent Monday afternoon going biking (bicycling)-- with all four of us riding their own bikes. Since we the parents have been sharing a bicycle, we decided to go and get a new one from Walmart. (We used to avoid going here with Aditya at all costs until 2 years ago.) When we went there on Saturday night, a few bikes were left, and Baba checked them out, tried them, etc and both the kids were super interested... not just patient... with this. But the sweet bonus came when we told Aditya we had to leave this place as they did not have their best bikes in stock as it was late evening. We would have to come back another time, maybe tomorrow. To this, Aditya who usually avoids going shopping suggested we go to the next door Target so Baba can get a bike and we all can still go tomorrow! I was of course blown away, thanked him profusely, and in fact, that was something I had not considered. We went there and even got a bike. Aditya, in both stores, was super excited about the gears on all these bikes! He asked me over and over again how I like my new bike with gears:-)
2. On Saturday before we went to Walmart, we had actually been to the nearest park to our new home, with the kids on their bikes, and Baba on the common bike that Aai and Baba were sharing. (Aai came later in the car.) Over there, I (Baba) saw a boy I had never seen before. He INVITED a girl to join him and Shreya on the tyre swing, saying: "Come on, join us!" Later he and some other kids played together on a wheel that had to be turned around either by walking on it, or someone pushing it by hand. It was like a tilted merry-go-round. (Frankly I do not know the name for this thing.) Two things: the kids totally accepted him in their "tribe".
THIS IS A FIRST.
Oftentimes our grown up friends do not get what after all are his challenges, but then their kids meet him, and then SHUN HIM. He is just not interesting and inviting and social enough for their kids, even if he can talk easily about cars and various forms of energy... for hours.
But today, the kids were actually finding him to be one of them. (Do you guys know how much we have waited for this day?) Some specifics about this. The boys and girls actually took turns pushing the wheel, and Aditya followed the "tribe rules" as they were being defined and re-defined on the go! He still was not picking up certain really advanced cues like "everyone is taking turns pushing it", but when a girl yelled about how girls will push and boys will sit, followed by boys will push and girls will sit, he totally followed it!
3. Today, it is close to dinner time, and we have decided to make fresh pesto pasta using rice pasta flakes and freshly made pesto. Aditya asked, "Can I make the pesto with you?" "What did you say?" I say to him. "Can I be part of making the pesto?"
We celebrated him for this obviously, then quickly made a deal that he would go to the backyard with a hammer and break open the walnut shells, while Baba will clean and cut basil leaves. Before Baba knew, Aditya was done both breaking the shells as well as neatly putting them in a bowl! Where is the guy who just wants to consume the already-made-bowl-of-pasta?
There were a few other challenges observed over the weekend, but the top 3 news are what you already read. Anyways, here are some challenges.
1. Very distracted by light coming through window shutters. Our new volunteer did not know this, and did not help Aditya by closing the shutters. GOOD! That's how we came to know he still has this challenge.
2. Anxious when the volunteer is even 2 minutes late. Before another volunteer's arrival, stopped eating 10 minutes in advance, and sat at the door and looked for the volunteer's car to come.
3. Rigid about not wanting to go to the library.... which is something we did on Saturday too in order to get him excited about the library and books in general. Once there, he got pretty excited though when Baba helped him find books about simple machines, energy, and airplanes!
P.S.
1. Baba and Aditya had played a quiz game earlier in the week about simple machines. Since then Aditya is hooked on to finding examples of levers, pulleys, and inclined planes, wherever he goes!
2. He also has a new found love for conversion between milli, centi, deci, deca, hecto, and kilo-meters, grams, and liters.
1. We decided on Sunday afternoon that we would spent Monday afternoon going biking (bicycling)-- with all four of us riding their own bikes. Since we the parents have been sharing a bicycle, we decided to go and get a new one from Walmart. (We used to avoid going here with Aditya at all costs until 2 years ago.) When we went there on Saturday night, a few bikes were left, and Baba checked them out, tried them, etc and both the kids were super interested... not just patient... with this. But the sweet bonus came when we told Aditya we had to leave this place as they did not have their best bikes in stock as it was late evening. We would have to come back another time, maybe tomorrow. To this, Aditya who usually avoids going shopping suggested we go to the next door Target so Baba can get a bike and we all can still go tomorrow! I was of course blown away, thanked him profusely, and in fact, that was something I had not considered. We went there and even got a bike. Aditya, in both stores, was super excited about the gears on all these bikes! He asked me over and over again how I like my new bike with gears:-)
2. On Saturday before we went to Walmart, we had actually been to the nearest park to our new home, with the kids on their bikes, and Baba on the common bike that Aai and Baba were sharing. (Aai came later in the car.) Over there, I (Baba) saw a boy I had never seen before. He INVITED a girl to join him and Shreya on the tyre swing, saying: "Come on, join us!" Later he and some other kids played together on a wheel that had to be turned around either by walking on it, or someone pushing it by hand. It was like a tilted merry-go-round. (Frankly I do not know the name for this thing.) Two things: the kids totally accepted him in their "tribe".
THIS IS A FIRST.
Oftentimes our grown up friends do not get what after all are his challenges, but then their kids meet him, and then SHUN HIM. He is just not interesting and inviting and social enough for their kids, even if he can talk easily about cars and various forms of energy... for hours.
But today, the kids were actually finding him to be one of them. (Do you guys know how much we have waited for this day?) Some specifics about this. The boys and girls actually took turns pushing the wheel, and Aditya followed the "tribe rules" as they were being defined and re-defined on the go! He still was not picking up certain really advanced cues like "everyone is taking turns pushing it", but when a girl yelled about how girls will push and boys will sit, followed by boys will push and girls will sit, he totally followed it!
3. Today, it is close to dinner time, and we have decided to make fresh pesto pasta using rice pasta flakes and freshly made pesto. Aditya asked, "Can I make the pesto with you?" "What did you say?" I say to him. "Can I be part of making the pesto?"
We celebrated him for this obviously, then quickly made a deal that he would go to the backyard with a hammer and break open the walnut shells, while Baba will clean and cut basil leaves. Before Baba knew, Aditya was done both breaking the shells as well as neatly putting them in a bowl! Where is the guy who just wants to consume the already-made-bowl-of-pasta?
There were a few other challenges observed over the weekend, but the top 3 news are what you already read. Anyways, here are some challenges.
1. Very distracted by light coming through window shutters. Our new volunteer did not know this, and did not help Aditya by closing the shutters. GOOD! That's how we came to know he still has this challenge.
2. Anxious when the volunteer is even 2 minutes late. Before another volunteer's arrival, stopped eating 10 minutes in advance, and sat at the door and looked for the volunteer's car to come.
3. Rigid about not wanting to go to the library.... which is something we did on Saturday too in order to get him excited about the library and books in general. Once there, he got pretty excited though when Baba helped him find books about simple machines, energy, and airplanes!
P.S.
1. Baba and Aditya had played a quiz game earlier in the week about simple machines. Since then Aditya is hooked on to finding examples of levers, pulleys, and inclined planes, wherever he goes!
2. He also has a new found love for conversion between milli, centi, deci, deca, hecto, and kilo-meters, grams, and liters.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Thank God It's Friday- 2
So as I said, here I am posting about this last Friday i.e. August 31, 2012.
Since I showed up a little early last time, Aditya came to me and chatted with me. Today, I wanted to go a little late and see if he had opened up a bit with the other kids.
I reached just in time for the class to start, and Aditya was actually entering the class. I came from behind and tapped him gently on his head, put his tie-dyed shirt in the box it had to go into, put a check mark against his name, etc. By this time he had gone and taken a seat in his assigned spot. I went over and stayed behind him. He noticed me and looked behind and gave me a look he had never given before. It was a look that said, "I am okay dad, you can stop coming here". Was I dreaming? He then said, "Okay!" I said "what do you mean okay?" to which he said, "I am doing okay". So indeed I was right about what I saw on his face:-)
It is DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read). Aditya is aware of the expectations, so he does his thing to fulfill them. He is done reading his book, so he goes back and puts it back in the class library. He then spends a bit of time there, even sits down along with some other kids who are there (Aai later explained to me that he must have been in the group that gets to sit in the class library during DEAR today). He then comes back with another book in his hand. He puts it in his folder. He quickly scans me as I am making some notes on a piece of paper. WOW! He moves on after seeing that I am busy! Where is the guy who would not look what the other person is doing before asking them questions?
Now I am done making my note (and I am also done feeling tickled inside that he actually noticed me being busy and moved on). So I go to him and say, "Did you want to say something to me when I was writing?"
He then quickly opens his reading log and shows off what books he has been reading through the week. (Very cool showing that off to me. I was so happy:-))
I then say to him that he can read more if he wants to. He says he already got his book for the next time. I say that he can still go and read another book, that would be totally fine. He said he wouldn't want to. Very assertive there. But why would he not want to read something, or just do something? I get the impression that he is doing things to fit expectations. The "want to read" is missing.
It is 1pm and the pendulum clock sounds a bell. Aditya's neighbor second grader R says loudly to no one in particular, "It is not a bell. It is just the clock." He then asks the teacher if they can read for another 15 minutes.
I did not hear that very well so I ask Aditya to tell me what R said. He smiles in a way that is very "social" and tells me, "he is asking for 15 minutes to read". (It seems from my discussion later with Aai that their teacher is firm and loving as she says she cannot agree to a request like that. So apparently Aditya was expecting her to say the same thing to R and he was expressing a feeling of the kind: "someone tell this guy she won't listen".)
I then tell Aditya about a book about airplanes I am seeing from a distance. He again tells me he has already selected a book. I say let's go anyways! This time around, he comes. We go and find that it is in a blue bin. He has announced to us he won't read books from that and the red bin as that is for advanced readers. (We actually think he can. He is perhaps just exercising control.) So I say hard luck, and we come back.
At this point, D (the guy who had stuck his face in Aditya's face last week) seems to have walked over Aditya's hands. Aditya has teared up. D is overwhelmed and at a loss. Teacher resolves the matter and suggests D be more mindful of what he is doing. I am feeling a bit silly (but accepting of me) that I was writing these notes at that point instead of seeing what happened.
It is sharing time. Two kids have brought some stuff (their toys etc) in a paper bag which they share with the class. As A the boy shares his stuff, other kids raise their hands to ask questions or make comments. Aditya is looking totally disinterested. I am not sure he is listening at all. Some other kids are finding it hard to stay interested as well.
Now it's K's turn to share. K is the same social butterfly whose birthday it was last week. Now Aditya suddenly looks at her with interest. She goes on to show a rope she brought from home. Aditya looks at me. I show a very interested face and look at K. He looks back at her then!
They are all sitting on the rug at that point. The boy sitting next to him decides to recline and ends up leaning over Aditya who scoots away. Nice talking care of himself.
Now the sharing time is over, and the teacher makes an announcement about it being the last day of the week before the long weekend. She wants everyone to clean up their cubby. She explains what should stay and what should go home, what should be turned in, etc. There will be a cubby clean up check too.
Everyone is back at their desk. I am with Aditya at his desk. He seem totally confused with all these instructions about the cubby clean out. I ask him if he knows what it is that he needs to do. He says he does not know. I wonder aloud as usual, and he decides to go ask the teacher. He ADDRESSES her by name, asks his question, and successfully gets an answer. Hurray! He and I now go and put things in his mail, submit his things to the class, and file away something else in the Math folder. A lot of little things like that, which apparently he has found a little too many to keep in his mind and process one by one.
After that is done, Aditya goes to the front of the class where some kids are playing a board game. He leans over and watches with interest.
Another boy M comes to me and thinking I am the aiding parent, asks if I can go with him to the outside where he can play with the ball.
The teacher notices it and sends somebody (her own son actually who he is helping out currently) to go with M.
Aditya comes to the teacher at the same time and asks what he can do.
She offers the option of reading or going out with her son, and he immediately takes up the offer to go out. I follow them too.
Initially, M finds a ball, and so does Aditya, but Aditya realizes soon (NICE) that there is not enough air pressure in it. He then says, "there is a rule in this school that kids cannot get a ball". I have no idea about where he is coming from. But knowing that this could be presented as an opportunity to go play with M, I say to him, "So you can play with M". And he says YES to it. But we then also find another ball lying a bit farther away. Showing his preference to playing by himself, he goes gets the ball instead of going to M.
I decide to dialog myself here, and say, "THIS IS EXCITING. He will go up from here and socialize with other kids". And bang! The universe responds in less than a second, as M is inviting Aditya to join him! Aditya agrees right away!
I start seeing their game of "1-touch", only to see that another kid J joins them.
J is a pro at "1-touch" and is also very competitive. So as the three kids start playing, Aditya's limitations are exposed quickly. He does not really know the game, and J is brutal in calling him "out" when he does not do his thing right. I quickly take Aditya to the other side of that wall-like structure where I and he practice some 1-touch and remember how we used to play a similar 1-touch with our feet in the playroom.
Soon M is on our side to check us out. We go over to his side, and now I say to Aditya that he can go play with the other two kids as he now knows what game it is and how to play it.
Aditya makes himself LOUD and CLEAR: "Hey can I be in the game too"?
"Sure", say M and J. Sweet! Our boy has arrived!
But soon enough, the story repeats itself. Aditya is not really moving as quickly as the other two, and seems to miss his turn, at which point J makes sure to call him out.
I then come in, and tell him we will watch the game a little bit to know how to play it. And that he is already doing better by trying to join their game. He likes it and we watch. Soon, J has beaten M and says "EVERYBODY IN NOW". I send Aditya in again. This time, he does better and gets the ball right and touches it with 1 bounce over to the wall. He does it so lightly that the ball does not return with much force and so M cannot get to the ball in time, and thus M is out. J looks at Aditya and smiles and says, "You got M out, Aditya". Aditya is excited and tells me that he got someone out. He also adds he does not know how he could get someone out. I explain what that means.
So we play a little longer. Aditya touches the ball once in a while, but mostly does not get there on time, as he is not really moving on his feet. He is folding his hands and putting them behind his back, appearing stiff and not really flowing with the game.
Eventually I think he reaches the limit of his patience and starts isming about how he is going to invent a version of 1-touch which works in a reverse order. I invite him out again and say to him if he wants to play with the boys he has to watch them or play, and that they won't be listening to his invention right now.
In the meantime 3 other boys come and join the game. Aditya's interest is weaning. I resolve to do 1-touch with him at home, preferably with another volunteer so he gets the three-some experience!
Aditya now wants to go back to his class. When we go back, the teacher welcomes and tells him he can do free choice as his job was that of the moderator so he does not have anything to do till the end.
Aditya goes to the front of the class. This time, he very strongly connects to the boys and girls playing a game that looks similar to "Connect-4" except it is called "Make 7". First watches them really closely, and later even joins the club and makes comments, and even plays a little bit.
Soon it is the last few minutes or so, and Aditya sits in the moderator chair. Teacher reminds him to get reports from the chairs monitor and the floor monitor. (There are lots of such opportunities for him to go and talk to other kids, where it is clearly defined what to do. NICE! He will feel comfortable talking to his class mates if he continued doing those things.)
There is now a discussion about "cutting in the line". Aditya seems to listen but he is not raising his hand. This is followed by a quick group conversation about the letter of the day- S. Aditya is not saying much but he is listening.
Finally, it is the moment he was waiting for, as he gets to be in control being the "moderator". He and the other moderator have a little bit of an exchange where they agree (or maybe the other guy says and Aditya readily agrees) on dismissing the whole class by saying "CLASS DISMISSED" while making a super-silly face at DIS-MISSED.
That's it. The kids run like a flock of birds, and so does Aditya!
He is definitely more on his feet this Friday. He is also definitely addressing people by their first name, instead of just saying HEY which was not getting him success last week! Smart boy, and a fast learner! He is definitely more easily connecting to the other kids over board games, but he is clearly challenged in his ability to flow with a physical activity or game like 1-touch.
I am so grateful I have had this chance to be with him on these 2 Fridays, and even within this short period of time I have watched him change and grow so much! Well done, Aditya!!! Actually... well doing Aditya:-)
Since I showed up a little early last time, Aditya came to me and chatted with me. Today, I wanted to go a little late and see if he had opened up a bit with the other kids.
I reached just in time for the class to start, and Aditya was actually entering the class. I came from behind and tapped him gently on his head, put his tie-dyed shirt in the box it had to go into, put a check mark against his name, etc. By this time he had gone and taken a seat in his assigned spot. I went over and stayed behind him. He noticed me and looked behind and gave me a look he had never given before. It was a look that said, "I am okay dad, you can stop coming here". Was I dreaming? He then said, "Okay!" I said "what do you mean okay?" to which he said, "I am doing okay". So indeed I was right about what I saw on his face:-)
It is DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read). Aditya is aware of the expectations, so he does his thing to fulfill them. He is done reading his book, so he goes back and puts it back in the class library. He then spends a bit of time there, even sits down along with some other kids who are there (Aai later explained to me that he must have been in the group that gets to sit in the class library during DEAR today). He then comes back with another book in his hand. He puts it in his folder. He quickly scans me as I am making some notes on a piece of paper. WOW! He moves on after seeing that I am busy! Where is the guy who would not look what the other person is doing before asking them questions?
Now I am done making my note (and I am also done feeling tickled inside that he actually noticed me being busy and moved on). So I go to him and say, "Did you want to say something to me when I was writing?"
He then quickly opens his reading log and shows off what books he has been reading through the week. (Very cool showing that off to me. I was so happy:-))
I then say to him that he can read more if he wants to. He says he already got his book for the next time. I say that he can still go and read another book, that would be totally fine. He said he wouldn't want to. Very assertive there. But why would he not want to read something, or just do something? I get the impression that he is doing things to fit expectations. The "want to read" is missing.
It is 1pm and the pendulum clock sounds a bell. Aditya's neighbor second grader R says loudly to no one in particular, "It is not a bell. It is just the clock." He then asks the teacher if they can read for another 15 minutes.
I did not hear that very well so I ask Aditya to tell me what R said. He smiles in a way that is very "social" and tells me, "he is asking for 15 minutes to read". (It seems from my discussion later with Aai that their teacher is firm and loving as she says she cannot agree to a request like that. So apparently Aditya was expecting her to say the same thing to R and he was expressing a feeling of the kind: "someone tell this guy she won't listen".)
I then tell Aditya about a book about airplanes I am seeing from a distance. He again tells me he has already selected a book. I say let's go anyways! This time around, he comes. We go and find that it is in a blue bin. He has announced to us he won't read books from that and the red bin as that is for advanced readers. (We actually think he can. He is perhaps just exercising control.) So I say hard luck, and we come back.
At this point, D (the guy who had stuck his face in Aditya's face last week) seems to have walked over Aditya's hands. Aditya has teared up. D is overwhelmed and at a loss. Teacher resolves the matter and suggests D be more mindful of what he is doing. I am feeling a bit silly (but accepting of me) that I was writing these notes at that point instead of seeing what happened.
It is sharing time. Two kids have brought some stuff (their toys etc) in a paper bag which they share with the class. As A the boy shares his stuff, other kids raise their hands to ask questions or make comments. Aditya is looking totally disinterested. I am not sure he is listening at all. Some other kids are finding it hard to stay interested as well.
Now it's K's turn to share. K is the same social butterfly whose birthday it was last week. Now Aditya suddenly looks at her with interest. She goes on to show a rope she brought from home. Aditya looks at me. I show a very interested face and look at K. He looks back at her then!
They are all sitting on the rug at that point. The boy sitting next to him decides to recline and ends up leaning over Aditya who scoots away. Nice talking care of himself.
Now the sharing time is over, and the teacher makes an announcement about it being the last day of the week before the long weekend. She wants everyone to clean up their cubby. She explains what should stay and what should go home, what should be turned in, etc. There will be a cubby clean up check too.
Everyone is back at their desk. I am with Aditya at his desk. He seem totally confused with all these instructions about the cubby clean out. I ask him if he knows what it is that he needs to do. He says he does not know. I wonder aloud as usual, and he decides to go ask the teacher. He ADDRESSES her by name, asks his question, and successfully gets an answer. Hurray! He and I now go and put things in his mail, submit his things to the class, and file away something else in the Math folder. A lot of little things like that, which apparently he has found a little too many to keep in his mind and process one by one.
After that is done, Aditya goes to the front of the class where some kids are playing a board game. He leans over and watches with interest.
Another boy M comes to me and thinking I am the aiding parent, asks if I can go with him to the outside where he can play with the ball.
The teacher notices it and sends somebody (her own son actually who he is helping out currently) to go with M.
Aditya comes to the teacher at the same time and asks what he can do.
She offers the option of reading or going out with her son, and he immediately takes up the offer to go out. I follow them too.
Initially, M finds a ball, and so does Aditya, but Aditya realizes soon (NICE) that there is not enough air pressure in it. He then says, "there is a rule in this school that kids cannot get a ball". I have no idea about where he is coming from. But knowing that this could be presented as an opportunity to go play with M, I say to him, "So you can play with M". And he says YES to it. But we then also find another ball lying a bit farther away. Showing his preference to playing by himself, he goes gets the ball instead of going to M.
I decide to dialog myself here, and say, "THIS IS EXCITING. He will go up from here and socialize with other kids". And bang! The universe responds in less than a second, as M is inviting Aditya to join him! Aditya agrees right away!
I start seeing their game of "1-touch", only to see that another kid J joins them.
J is a pro at "1-touch" and is also very competitive. So as the three kids start playing, Aditya's limitations are exposed quickly. He does not really know the game, and J is brutal in calling him "out" when he does not do his thing right. I quickly take Aditya to the other side of that wall-like structure where I and he practice some 1-touch and remember how we used to play a similar 1-touch with our feet in the playroom.
Soon M is on our side to check us out. We go over to his side, and now I say to Aditya that he can go play with the other two kids as he now knows what game it is and how to play it.
Aditya makes himself LOUD and CLEAR: "Hey can I be in the game too"?
"Sure", say M and J. Sweet! Our boy has arrived!
But soon enough, the story repeats itself. Aditya is not really moving as quickly as the other two, and seems to miss his turn, at which point J makes sure to call him out.
I then come in, and tell him we will watch the game a little bit to know how to play it. And that he is already doing better by trying to join their game. He likes it and we watch. Soon, J has beaten M and says "EVERYBODY IN NOW". I send Aditya in again. This time, he does better and gets the ball right and touches it with 1 bounce over to the wall. He does it so lightly that the ball does not return with much force and so M cannot get to the ball in time, and thus M is out. J looks at Aditya and smiles and says, "You got M out, Aditya". Aditya is excited and tells me that he got someone out. He also adds he does not know how he could get someone out. I explain what that means.
So we play a little longer. Aditya touches the ball once in a while, but mostly does not get there on time, as he is not really moving on his feet. He is folding his hands and putting them behind his back, appearing stiff and not really flowing with the game.
Eventually I think he reaches the limit of his patience and starts isming about how he is going to invent a version of 1-touch which works in a reverse order. I invite him out again and say to him if he wants to play with the boys he has to watch them or play, and that they won't be listening to his invention right now.
In the meantime 3 other boys come and join the game. Aditya's interest is weaning. I resolve to do 1-touch with him at home, preferably with another volunteer so he gets the three-some experience!
Aditya now wants to go back to his class. When we go back, the teacher welcomes and tells him he can do free choice as his job was that of the moderator so he does not have anything to do till the end.
Aditya goes to the front of the class. This time, he very strongly connects to the boys and girls playing a game that looks similar to "Connect-4" except it is called "Make 7". First watches them really closely, and later even joins the club and makes comments, and even plays a little bit.
Soon it is the last few minutes or so, and Aditya sits in the moderator chair. Teacher reminds him to get reports from the chairs monitor and the floor monitor. (There are lots of such opportunities for him to go and talk to other kids, where it is clearly defined what to do. NICE! He will feel comfortable talking to his class mates if he continued doing those things.)
There is now a discussion about "cutting in the line". Aditya seems to listen but he is not raising his hand. This is followed by a quick group conversation about the letter of the day- S. Aditya is not saying much but he is listening.
Finally, it is the moment he was waiting for, as he gets to be in control being the "moderator". He and the other moderator have a little bit of an exchange where they agree (or maybe the other guy says and Aditya readily agrees) on dismissing the whole class by saying "CLASS DISMISSED" while making a super-silly face at DIS-MISSED.
That's it. The kids run like a flock of birds, and so does Aditya!
He is definitely more on his feet this Friday. He is also definitely addressing people by their first name, instead of just saying HEY which was not getting him success last week! Smart boy, and a fast learner! He is definitely more easily connecting to the other kids over board games, but he is clearly challenged in his ability to flow with a physical activity or game like 1-touch.
I am so grateful I have had this chance to be with him on these 2 Fridays, and even within this short period of time I have watched him change and grow so much! Well done, Aditya!!! Actually... well doing Aditya:-)
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