An abnormally "normal" weekend!

If someone had told me about it on Friday, I would have laughed it off.  But how we actually spent this last weekend was nothing short of "normal"... in fact, a notch better.

Our usual schedule for Saturday is for two of our volunteers to come play with Aditya, and receive feedback and/or training.  One of them was R, our youngest volunteer so far, who turned 16 on Saturday, so she had asked for the day off  (And, of course,  the twins presented her with hand made cards on Friday).  Another volunteer M had also asked to take the day off.

As a result there was no plan and no structure, and we (Aai, Baba) actually loved this break from the routine.  The usual Saturday morning involves Aai going to the local farmers' market and get fresh vegetables, fruits, and pastured eggs.  This Saturday, the rest of the family joined in!  (Aditya was given the choice to say NO to this shopping experience but he wanted to go!)

At the market, Aditya was (as usual) fascinated as he looked at the musician who was taking turns playing his electric guitar, the sax, and the flute.   ("Tenor Sax!" he exclaimed as the musician began playing his sax. Baba went up to the musician who said it was indeed the Tenor Sax!)

We then sampled some strawberries, blackberries, a little bit of other summer fruits like peaches and plums.  (We do not eat or let the kids eat unlimited fruit, as that would cause a sugar overload.) We finished the trip with some avocado-shopping, and returned home.

Once we were home, everybody did their bit to put away the produce we just bought.  Baba then took the garbage out, while Aai cooked lunch.  Since we were not hungry as yet, we asked the kids if they could wait until later so we could do something we had been thinking of doing for the last several months-- fix the book case in the living room.  (We had bought and assembled it in December only to realize we had not done a perfect job with the assembly.)

The twins spent the next hour playing really well together!  Both Aai and Baba are now used to it, but we feel SO GRATEFUL for it! Seriously, neither of us ever played this easily with our own brothers!

Because Aai-Baba decided to try fixing the book shelf without "needing" to fix it, they fixed it way more easily than they imagined!

And then... Baba announced a surprise!

 We would be watching the Disney CARS movie as a family!

We sat down in the living room and played CARS on our laptop, and everyone had a blast!  Some cool things noticed during this period:
1.  Aditya followed and understood the story
2.  When in doubt, he asked OR if we suspected the kids were not understanding it, we would let them know we were going to pause the video, then pause the video, then ask them if they understood.  If not, we would explain, and then move on.  Except in one or two situations, Aditya was okay with these interruptions as well.  (Although interrupting a movie may not sound like the greatest idea, this is necessary so that Aditya knows the "context" around why something is happening.)
3. Both Aditya and Sister rooted for Lightening McQueen!
4. In the end where McQueen gave up his Number 1 position to help push the retiring old guy No.43 to the end of the race, we exclaimed how cool it was of him to be an awesome friend and not be only focused on winning the race.  Aditya responded, "Yeah, that's like Son Rise!"

After the movie everyone announced that they loved it!

(This is only the second movie we have watched in the last 1 year)

We finished Saturday with a bike ride and dinner at a nearby South Indian restaurant. (They serve gluten free food that also happens to be delicious!)  During the bike ride, Aditya was super flexible about sharing his new 20 inch bike with sister whose bike had a flat tire!

At the restaurant, which was specially crowded, Baba complained of the noise.  Not Aditya.  He was busy drawing with his crayons and later devouring his food!

On Sunday, Aai Baba decided to get out of their own comfort zone a bit more, and reach out to a family we know.  We called them, decided to meet them for a park play date and a picnic!  (Their two sons are about the same age as our twins.)

Next, we did a family meeting where Baba announced plans for the picnic and park play date in the evening.  We then passed the microphone around saying what it is that we were excited about.  Aai said she was very excited about meeting her friend and catching up with her! Aditya said he was excited about riding his 20 inch bike at the park, as well as the "Boating" experience that the park offers in the summer.  Sister, the social butterfly that she is, said she was really excited about meeting the two boys who she had not met for years!  Baba mentioned he was super excited about the boating, meeting the family friends, and his friend E (the dad of V and V) who works at the company that makes Turbo Tax (Aditya loves knowing names of companies where people we know work)!

We then also signed up to do things to make this a successful experience.  Baba signed up to make lunch.  Aai signed up to make dinner that we would then take to the picnic.  Sister signed up to make a list of toys and other supplies to take to the picnic, while Aditya signed up to actually gather the stuff on the list.  We also agreed that we would not tell others how to do their job, but could always ask each other for help or advice!

The preparations went extremely smoothly once everyone had signed up for jobs and were only responsible for those things... similar to the agile software firm where Baba works:-)

Okay, to be honest, Baba got exhausted (LOL:-)  from making lunch and answering Aditya's "is this food legal/ illegal on SCD/GAPS/ Gluten Free/ Real Foods Diet?" questions and sometimes reminding him that "diet related questions" were "playroom questions" and he wanted to make lunch so everyone could go for the picnic tonight.  (Aai then gave him a break so he could make  tea for himself and call up his own brother)

Finally, the family left for the picnic an hour later than we had decided.  As a result, we would have to choose between visiting the bike shop to fix Sister's flat tire and going to the park in time for the boat ride.  (Boating would close soon.)  Sister voted to go boating, so that is what we did.  At this point Aditya got anxious and said he really had to bike.  After a couple of times of Baba telling him that he could do that but we would first go do the boat ride, he seemed to understand.

Once at the park, though, we saw a totally new child.  He asked twice when we would go boating.  Once we told him "after the other family is here" he never asked again.

Lately he has been showing an interest in  birds.  He also is findings answers to questions like... is pigeon a bird? What about the lizard, the lion, and the duck?  (To another 7 year old it may be obvious but it is not to him. And that is fine. That is who he is.  The cool thing is he is now interested so he is finding out!)  How does a parrot look? Is it shaped like an airplane (since it flies)?  Is a crow smarter or a sparrow? Who is friendlier?

During the bike ride and at the park, he took a great interest as he saw the sparrow, the pigeon, the crane, the duck, the swan, the seagull, etc, for what seemed like the first time in 7 years!

Once our friends showed up, Aditya seemed to be excited about the arrival of his old time friend V.  (Actually V also had a play date last year with Aditya where the boys played a game of soccer followed by a game of Funglish.)  He then went up to him and waved to V saying Hi, although he did that in a "sudden" way that looked "different".

The kids then all stood next to the deck and watched different things in the lake... from swans to the paddle boats.   Apparently A said to V that they were going to kayak, at which V laughed, and A seemed to take it sportingly!

A little later, we began the paddle-boating experience.  Aditya and sister were disappointed to know they could not reach up to the paddles.  But with Aai Baba's assistance they later took turns sitting in Aai-Baba's laps and paddling and steering the boat.  We had a great time doing this for the next 30 minutes.

Once out of the boat, not just Aditya but all the kids asked, "when can we bike?"

We then biked and walked around the lake for the next almost 40 minutes, with Aditya and the two boys on the bike.  Sister walked and also earned some piggy back rides from Baba for being so flexible about her bike!

News Flash:  usually the sight of Baba giving her a piggy back ride leads to Aditya giving up his bike right away and asking for a piggy back ride.  Not so today.  He said he would rather bike!  Assertion! Even definance?  Boy-ish traits that are SO WELCOME!  However, he made sure to go not too far away chasing  V (who seemed to have zoomed away, with his own dad following him on foot).

The 40 minute ride clearly exhausted him.  More than the other kids, we thought. In any case, he played cricket and kicked around the soccer ball for a few more minutes, and then once dinner was served, he did not stop eating until he was done!

In the end, he remembered to say Bye to V and V and their parents too!

And on the way to the car he asked when we were going to see them again!  "Can you believe it?" said a part of me.  "Of course!" said the other:-)

Once we all sat in the car, Baba announced he had had a blast... who else?  "Me" said the twins and Aai right away!

We have been wanting this experience for years now.  We have worked for it,  but were not unhappy when we did not get it.

If we had become (and stayed) unhappy about it, we would never see this day!

Thank you Aditya.  Thank you Shreya.  And the biggest thank you to "Son Rise"!

Expressive (and mature)!

Baba was speaking on the phone to Aditya and asked how his play session was with a new volunteer. 

"Okay"

"What do you mean? Did you have fun playing?"

"I had some fun. She was just sitting. She was not participating much. I think she needs more training."

Witnessed today

This evening, as I walked back into the house after talking to my neighbor across the street, I saw Aditya munching on a foot-long cucumber. I had served him an evening snack and gone out the door for a few minutes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Until now, he would wait for me to return and ask for permission to eat something more. When I cheered him for taking care of himself, he blushed and told me that he was too hungry to wait for me. There was no anxiety, no doubting his own decision .. only confidence oozing out of this young fellow!
As I have been training new volunteers over the last couple weeks, Aditya has been in and out of the room in between feedback sessions. I used to have his snack ready on the table most of the time. Once last week, I forgot to put it out. After the volunteer left, I apologized to him. "Well, that's ok. I just picked a plum and had it for snack!" That was the last day I ever decided what his snack would be. He has not asked me for one, waited for my approval or even told me once he was done.
I have now seen it consistently enough that I really feel elated! He is no longer anxious or looking for our approval before taking care of his basic needs. In fact, he is assertive and defends his choices :)

Today, sister was upset about a cancelled playdate. As Aditya came out of the playroom after two back to back sessions, she was whining, "Mom, I am too bored! I wish I had a friend to play with."
"Hey Aditya, Your sister wants to play with somebody. Do you think you can be that friend she can play with? "
"Sure, Shreya .. Let's play something of your choice. "
"How about doggie?", she asked.
Aditya : "Ruff Ruf ... Ruff .. "

And off they went into the playroom .....

I think that he was able to connect more strongly to her because he had his fix ... four hours of solid playroom time. I am feeling good about our growing team and the increased playroom hours he will be getting .. more loving, joining, challenging and growth for Aditya! Woohoooo!

End of the school year!

Today was the last day of school for the kids! Aditya is now a first grader and sister a second grader:)

The kids had planned the day in advance, right from what they would wear to school to what they would have for lunch and dinner :) Aditya came home with baba after school, while sister went out for lunch with me.

The kids were eagerly waiting for Baba as he came home from work later this evening. As soon as he stepped into the house, Aditya called out to his sister to form an arch with their arms and asked Baba to pass under it. :) It was totally spontaneous and purposeless! YAY!

Just before I started cooking dinner, I asked the kids if I could switch something on their menu for a dish Baba liked. After all, I reasoned, he chose to work from home this morning so he could come to Aditya's Kinder closing ceremony and Shreya could have lunch with me. Both agreed to surprise Baba with something he loved. Sweet!

At the dinner table, Aditya said to him,"We have a special dish of your choice to say thanks for aiding in our class!" I was amazed .. where did this come from? Very very sweet!

The last course was home made chocolate ice cream. As I served it, Aditya said,"Now let us close our eyes and make a wish for our family and then take a bite. Make a wish for our grandparents and take another bite. Make a last wish for yourself and enjoy the rest." Wow! We have never prayed at the dinner table like this! It never occured to us, it is not a custom we are familiar with. We were dumbfounded as he led us through this. We then realized that he was recreating an experience he has had at school. This is very similar to what they do before enjoying birthday treats! "First make a wish for the birthday child, take a bite, make a wish for the child's family and take a bite, lastly make a wish for yourself, take a bite and enjoy the rest!" We then talked a little about what we wished .. for ourselves and for the world.
Never wish for too little .. want to your heart's content .. need nothing!

Tears... then and now!

I have a coupon for printing photos, which will be expiring soon. I was going through tons of photos I have online, chuckling, smiling and giggling to myself. Aditya came to see what I was up to and got interested in the pictures I was viewing - those of our trip to India more than 3 years ago.

Interestingly, when I had first downloaded these same pictures immediately after we got back from our vacation, he was unable to recognize my mom or brother, with whom we had spent almost 2 months! I remember being terrified and almost in tears.

Fast forward to this afternoon ... he blushed when he saw a picture of himself enjoying a mango. He actually took over the computer from me and quickly browsed through quite a few pictures of us attending a wedding, going to a couple busy places, the park, etc. Then he came to a section where there were pictures of us at my parents' farm. He took his time to study them. He remembered the name of the person who roasted cashews for him and his sister and said, "I was patient and waited for him to roast and then shell them. Look how he is using a hammer to crack them!" Then came a picture of the siblings with the dog on the farm. He instantaneously yelled out,"Shreya! Shreya, come see a doggie!" (She is currently fascinated by dogs and begging us to get one.) "Shreya, look .. a picture of you,  me and a doggie!" This was priceless! He called on her when he saw something that would interest her! So much for the theory of mind!

Then he came to a picture I would describe as follows: Aditya and his sister each sitting on the lap of a woman in her fifties... a very simple person with a huge friendly smile on her face. That day was the only time Aditya had seen her ever. Today, he asked me who this person was.  She is a close family friend and I was trying to figure out how to explain it to him and said,"Well .. she is .." when he pitched in .. "kaku?!" which means "aunty". I was stunned! I indeed call her "Kaku" but I find it impossible to believe that he remembers it. Well, if he recognized her face and remembered her, AWESOME! if not, he generalized, looking at the age and dressing style, that it looked like someone I would call kaku! SUPER AWESOME! As the cursor hovered close to her face, he asked to type in her name and tag her! How sweet!

He went through the pictures pointing to my mom and in-laws. He also recognized my mom's brother and his wife (they were here a couple years ago.)
After going through all pictures a couple times, he looked me in the eye and asked,"And why isn't your dad in any pictures?" I then showed him a few pictures with grandpa and myself wondered why I did not have as many pictures of him!

As I shut down the computer, I was in tears once again....

Hyper-Aware!

This morning we made smoothies in Aditya's imaginary smoothie restaurant.

1. We took turns making up the "Build your own Smoothie" menu with sections for base, protein, fat, fruit, vegetables.  He made all "sensible" suggestions like coconut for fat, soy milk for base, spinach for the vegetable etc. (As opposed to cabbage or olive oil which are vegetable and fat for sure but who puts them in a smoothie?)
2. We had forgotten to include our favorite cocoa.  As the owner and chef he offered it for free!
3. To the next customer he asked to wait because he had to wash his blender jar before making another smoothie!
4. In one case, I celebrated him for "building the menu together with me", then celebrated for some other things, and then again for "building the menu together" which I had already said a few minutes ago.  Our son whose love is to say and ask things repetitively... said to me, "Yeah you already said that".

THIS IS A BRAND NEW DAY, and we are loving the hyper-aware brand-new Aditya!

Art Show at School

Last month, we attended the Art Show at our kids' school and saw some wonderful pieces made by our resident artists :)

Aditya's rendition of Georgia O'Keefe flowers

Kinder O'Keefe flowers

Cherry blossoms

 Eric Carle collage

Aditya's Creation at the Project Look Field Trip, Palo Alto CA

Aditya's drawing of his favorite stuffie, Shamu .. he seems to have a new name here!

Me!

Kinder friends

Aditya's rendition of Jackson Pollock

Jackson Pollock paintings by the kinders

Ceramic Tile by Aditya

van Gogh Starry night ? (Mom's limited knowledge of art is showing here:)

A quick overview of the past three months

Over the past three months we have noticed the following changes in Aditya:
a. A huge difference in the quality and usage of language.
A few examples that quickly come to mind:
One morning I celebrated him for dressing himself up the previous night and also gently reminded him to wear pajamas instead of his T-shirt and shorts when going to bed. He looked me in the eye and said,"I am sorry that I wore this (pointing to his T-shirt) overnight. I will remember to wear pajamas from now on."
Using words like "overnight " and "from now on" casually in a conversation is definitely something he was not doing so far.
Just this morning, while we were talking, Aditya farted. He smiled and instantly started counting out "Skunk in the garden PU somebody farted, that's you" consciously ending the song so he was IT :) Extreme spontaneity and no judgements about farting at all!

b. Extreme flexibility inside and outside of the playroom too!
We have been playing a wide variety of games in the playroom, having lots of conversations on his topics and then expanding left, right and center :) A lot of times, as I go into the playroom, he says, "Today let us talk of something you want to, before we talk about my topic!"
Outside the playroom too, I have changed plans on the fly after picking up sister from school (with his permission, of course!) The last time I remember, we were running low on gas and I asked if we could go fill the gas tank at Costco. Sister reminded how we were running out of kitchen paper towels and Aditya was totally excited to go into the store to get them. On the way back, we had to take a detour because of road construction and we passed the Indian store. Realizing we hardly ever go there any more but that we could get Okra, which the kids love, if we go in now  I just put it out to them. Both kids jumped at the idea. We ended up getting a couple other vegetables which are not available at the local farmers market where I usually shop. This is big because Aditya is really a stickler when it comes to buying conventional produce (vs organic, which we usually buy.)

c. An increase in physical strength and abilities. He loves doing pullups and swinging and as a result has stronger muscles. After some encouragement, he tried and has now mastered the monkey bars at school.

d. A drop in Eye contact, especially outside the playroom.

e. Difficulty making a deeper connection with people and his surroundings, kids in particular. This is in contrast to what we were seeing earlier this year. He was connected and showing a lot of interest in peers. Currently he seems to be Ok being around them but not enjoying their company or initiating conversations with them.

I also observed a few things we had never seen before: He ran away from us while we were at the library. I was with sister and the librarian trying to find a book for her science project (which he was clearly not interested in, but he was there because we had a deal.) Suddenly I noticed that he was not around and called out his name. After asking sister to stay with the librarian, I walked to the main entrance, where I found him starting a sprint back to the kids area. He was surprised to find me there. But noticing my body language, he asked me what had happened. I then told him that I was concerned about his safety and made it clear that I needed him to stay by our side in his own body space. Once I said that, he was the most compliant kid anybody had ever seen!
I have also noticed him having a hard time staying in his own body space when he is around me (mom). He has the urge to touch, hug and kiss me, even in inappropriate situations and times , like the grocery store, school and library.

This post is a reminder to us as to where he currently is. He seems to be working really hard on certain aspects of his development, so is currently not focussing on the rest.
We love him and admire him for taking care of himself in his own special ways. It is also a reason for us as parents to look into what has been going on and realign our program to help his needs better. He is now on a reduced schedule at school, attending 4 hours a week. We have amped up our playroom hours, added new team members. We have a lovely new team of 4 people! Training them and seeing how he enjoys their company has been a joy!