Day 1:
I met Gerd at school early Thursday morning, signed him in and introduced him to Aditya's teacher. Dad dropped off both kids to school. It was my aiding day and I was in Shreya's class between recess and lunch. I couldn't help myself but sneak a peek into Aditya's class next door, every once in a while :) After lunch, I was in Aditya's class aiding, with Gerd observing.
Day 2:
We dropped off the kids to school and returned to an exciting day with Gerd. Three hours in the morning, our hearts were filled with joy, pride, relief and at times, disbelief, as we heard Gerd's assessment of Aditya, the teacher, his class and what he thought about the fit.
To sum up everything in a sentence: "If a layman were to observe the class, at the end of the day, he would never be able to identify the child with Autism." This does not mean that he does not have any challenges. But to the untrained eye, he would be indistinguishable! His challenges are mainly seen on the playground, where he has a hard time joining an ongoing game.
A gist of our conversation with Gerd:
"He is one of the most well behaved children in the classroom.. a teacher's dream. He is unbelievably patient, polite .. in everything .. waiting for his turn, speaking, answering others .. pleasant to be around.
Raises his hand and is persistent."
As regards the school .. it is one of the better schools he has seen in all these years, a really good teacher and good fit for him. Woohoo!
What are some of his challenges? At various times during the day he has a challenge self-initiating i.e. finding something to do on his own, when nothing is told, or when there is nothing to do. (Or, there was something to do which our son has finished doing... usually in a breeze, so now there is nothing to do.)
He also rarely initiates conversations with other kids, but is very eager and responsive if they come up to him.
After we got Aditya home from school at lunch, he sat at the table with us and had a wonderful chat with Gerd. It was an eye opener for us how Gerd directly spoke to Aditya about where he is in his journey!
He thanked Aditya for allowing him to watch him the whole day, and then congratulated him on how amazingly well he was doing at school and how he was laughing and having a good time with his friends at lunch.
He then asked Aditya, "Do you like your friends?"
"Yes."
"How many friends do you have?"
"I have two friends, and with another girl, I am done 60%"
"What do you mean?"
"I think I am 60% on the way to be her friend".
"What do you think will take it to 100%"?
"We need to play more. Like today we cracked some jokes about sandwiches, spinach and butternut squash. We did that a lot, but I think we need to do that more".
Gerd said (actually, we are doing our best remembering what he said as we were glued to our seats and forgot to videotape this precious conversation), "It is amazing that you know that and you are even doing that. Now, when we make friends, we want to do something that we like, and something that they like. But no matter what we do, we do it together. So whether it is cracking jokes or something else, when you do something together you are becoming better friends."
A little later.... Gerd said, "Do you know which stage are you in the Son Rise program?"
"Stage 4 stage 5" said Aditya with a blush.
"I want to be done with autism but I also want to play with my Son Rise program friends."
"Well, what if you did not have autism? You could still play with your Son Rise program friends. Do you want that?"
"Yeah I am okay with that." again with a blush.
Aditya also explained why he thinks he has autism. "I have too many bad germs in my gut. Once the good germs take over then I won't have autism."
"And how will you know when they take over?"
NO ONE HAD ASKED ADITYA THAT QUESTION!
"No one exactly know why autism happens, but as an autism expert I can tell you that when you can make friends, you are done with autism. Now... what if you could decide when you will be done with autism?"
Aditya looked delighted.
"Because from here on, it really depends on when you want to be done," said Gerd. "You get to decide when to make your friendship from 60% to 100%. I can teach you some tricks and teach some more tricks to your parents so they can teach you, but in the end it is for you to choose if you want to take it from 60% to 100%. So... when would you like to be done?"
Aditya listened with excitement, and I would imagine, with a sense of empowerment!
We have tried similar direct conversations with him, but Gerd did it in a way we had never been able to. He was loving, accepting, and honest at the same time, always making sure to let Aditya know that it was his choice, whatever way he wanted to go from here!
Since Gerd had put the ball in his court, a contemplative Aditya did some math and said he thought he would be done in 4.3 years since starting his Son Rise program, which would be November 2013. But in a minute, he had revised his estimate to April 2013, and then to "tomorrow". And then in a minute, he got up with a serious face, went towards Gerd, and said, "Let's play!" We all laughed our hearts out as our cute little CEO of his own Son Rise program said those words with authority!
Gerd then asked who he wanted to play with.
At this point, Aditya showed his social prowess by saying, "You. You have not come to this house before and I want to show you my playroom."
When you are present, loving, accepting, and authentic with a child... any child... you get the most loving invitation to play that you can possibly get from anyone!
After playing with Aditya, Gerd came out and spoke to us, while his volunteer friend Alan went in to play.
Gerd then sat down with us, and made suggestions for new program goals for Aditya, as well as how to more effectively drive our program, including how we can more effectively train and feedback volunteers, given that Aditya is now at such a sophisticated level of social development.
Richa came and played with Aditya, relieving Alan. We asked Gerd to watch her and give her feedback so we could see how to do the feedback in this exciting phase of our program!
And so, that's what Gerd did. First he watched the two play in the playroom. Then he provided some really useful feedback, helpful not only for Richa but even for us, while celebrating all of us, and the little man himself.
And the best part, he allowed Aditya to sit in listening to the feedback!
Not only that, Gerd suggested that even we invite Aditya to sit in the team meetings, training sessions, and feedback sessions!
After all, it's all because Aditya wants to make friends:-) Also, we will not be using the word autism any more in our program. Instead of being called as a child with autism, he will be known just as a different guy.... just like each one of us is a different person too!
We will be our most effective selves if we and Aditya believe that Aditya can do everything he wants! Thus it is not a question of "can he?" but a question of "does he want to?" Anything he wants to do, he can learn and do! Because HE wants to make friends, that is what we are helping him learn!
Thank you Gerd and the rest of the Son Rise program teachers--- specially William and also Kate and Becky, who have been guiding us through this journey all these years!
Thanks to all our team members who have joined us in this exciting journey!
Thank you Son Rise!
