Happy Thanksgiving!

We have been enjoying our Thanksgiving holidays, and hope you are too!

This Thanksgiving, we thank our children, our volunteers, and the Son Rise program founders, teachers, and child facilitators who have taught us to choose love, hope, and happiness as a way to motivate ourselves ( as opposed to hatred, anger, or discontent)!

Inky Pinky

For a child with autism, it is considered a challenge to be able to think spontaneously... as opposed to literally. For example, in a game of "Knock knock... who is it?" a typical child has fun coming up with new answers for "who is it", and then anticipating the other player do something similar yet unexpected. For a child with autism, the "unexpected" `next move by the other player can be a stressor, and the child himself would rather repeat the same thing over and over again as an answer to "who is it?"

Spontaneity is also one of the 3 important goals we currently have for Aditya in his Son Rise program.

Over the last few days, we have witnessed Aditya's spontaneity improve by leaps and bounds. The highlight of this came on the weekend, when we were all in our car, with Daddy driving and his favorite Bollywood music all set to play in the music player. (By the way, this is our smaller car, and there is no way to play Aditya's favorite CDs here. It plays only tapes.)

"Can I listen to some music?" says Aditya.
"No... please no music" says sister.
"Let's do Inky Pinky Ponky" comes the reply from our son, who is supposed to have autism, and not supposed to like the unpredictability associated with "Inky Pinky..."

We, of course, are very glad, and let the two figure out the outcome, which is to play the music.

A few minutes later, looking out the window (it's dark already)..
"It is 5:30 in the night"
"It is regular..... (waits..then..) it is NORMALLY 5:30 in the evening, but it's 5:30 in the night today."

And then a little later... out of nowhere....
"IF I START A FAMILY THEN WILL YOU GUYS COME VISIT ME?"

Of course... we were thrilled to hear something like this, and celebrated the question, and replied positively and enthusiastically.

By the way... about a month ago, he had said the following:
"I am always going to stay with Mom and Dad. Sister and her family can rent the house next door."

A moment to be treasured

This happened when Aditya and his sister were having their evening snack today:

Sister: I wish I could have one of those Gluten Free goodies mom made for you.

Aditya: There are only last two left.

Sister: Maybe next time when mommy makes them, you can share one with me.

Aditya: You can have one now and I'll have one tomorrow.

Sister: Thank you! (She chomped on one before he could change his mind)

Aditya: I shared because I wanted to.

Sister and Mom: That is awesome, Aditya! You are such a nice and caring brother! Three cheers for you! Hip Hip Hurray! (And tons of celebrations)

Aditya: I wanted to really really share with you.

Sister: What can I do for you, Aditya? Tell me something you like, so I can do it for you.

Aditya: How about you give me a hug? I like that!

This interaction really made my day!

Happy Diwali (The festival of lights)!

In our team meeting yesterday, we realized we began our Son Rise journey exactly a year ago. I still remember the days of Diwali in 2009, and the eager, enthusiastic, optimistic Michel, Brenda and Krishna who helped us to a great start.

We are grateful to each and every one of the following amazing volunteers and team members we have had over the last year. Some of you have taken a break, and some could not continue for not being able to commit at least 4 hours a week. Nevertheless, we are honoured to have found people like you who loved Aditya unconditionally and helped him pull off a new miracle almost every week!

Tanuja
Michel
Brenda
Krishna
Akshay
Gowri
Sarah
Meena
Meenal
Mohana
Julia
Stephanie
Adin
Jennifer
Don


A very Happy Diwali to all of you out there, who support us so much by reading our blog, and by praying for us!

Are you getting more friends for me?

Aditya loves to ask this question, and of course, he is referring to his grown up friends who play with him as part of our Son Rise program.

(Did we tell you that we think he would love to be in the Son Rise playroom all his waking hours... if we could find and train so many volunteers!)

After our intensive in September 2010, we have had a tremendous response to our search for volunteers. Before that wonderful week, we mostly believed volunteers do not exist, at least in the relatively "expensive" region where we live.

In that one week, as much as Aditya changed, WE CHANGED because we began believing in miracles that we humans create by simply make-believing things, and then finding ways to make them happen!

Thus, within a month of returning from our Intensive, we found a wonderful volunteer in "Adin". Another volunteer is about to join us... she is currently in training. And then... a 65 year old gentleman showed interest as well and may be joining us a few months later. A few other people showed interest as well. Overall, the number of people calling us about our program in the last 2 months has now surpassed the number of people who called in the 12 months before our intensive.

What has changed that this is happening? Most likely, the only thing that has changed between then and now, is the attitude with which we are approaching our search.

So when our son asks "Are you getting more friends for me?" we enthusiastically say, "we are trying our best" and continue to believe that we are going to find even more amazing volunteers!

Not just a plane or a car!

Tonight, A's sister wanted a henna tattoo on her hand for Diwali. She had been planning this for a long time and Aditya had been silently listening in on our conversations. As we both sat down to draw, she asked to choose a design from some Google images.
When she was done, Aditya asked for a Henna tattoo on each hand. He has been doing this since he was about 2 year old. But he had always asked me to draw airplanes, cars, trucks or fans on his hands. But not today! He asked me to go find a few images on Google and zeroed down on one. I was amused when he chose an intricate traditional design. He really wanted this one, with his name on the side:) But when told how time consuming it would be, he agreed to a simple one, but no vehicles.. again a simple one with traditional motifs!

Friends with the Shower

We almost forgot this one!

Until last year, Aditya would never agree to take a shower. Probably a sensory overload for him. We had to give him a bath using a bucket and a mug... like we used to do as kids in India. Just a couple of weeks ago, however, Aditya agreed to shower by himself, except for taking our help when using the Body Wash (he hates the soap so we use the Aveeno Body Wash for him).

Thus, for the last 2 weeks or so, he has been using the shower, and doing so mostly by himself. We are so happy for you Aditya! Enjoy!

Two "FIRST"s for our family!

Two successive weekends mostly filled with things related to our Son Rise program- volunteers coming to our home, we giving them feedback, new team members being trained in parallel, and even a new member interview!

But there is something special about both weekends, and we really want to take time today to celebrate that!

Last week, Aditya ASKED TO GO to a local book store where renowned author Rosemary Wells was to come and tell stories of "Max and Ruby". We went there on time and Aditya sat through the story telling session, two feet away from his sister (and another child between them). He once looked back at us, as if wanting to know something, but other than that moment he looked at the author of his favorite stories and... listened to the story! We celebrated this by offering to buy a book of his choice. "This book" pat came the reply... pointing to the same book that was just read to the children.




Here is a picture of Aditya (at the center) listening to Rosemary Wells. By the way, if you have not already guessed, this was a FIRST for our family... to be going to a book store with both our children and with both children enjoying the place for the same reason!

Then there was this weekend... when we had a full 35 minutes of family game time.... playing Monopoly. We actually began with Aditya bringing to us another game (Funglish) that we had got from the store, and asking that we play that game! We began enthusiastically... but.... there was a problem: the box had some missing cards and some cards in duplicate. When Mom explained this, Aditya seemed disturbed for a few seconds, but when we offered to play another new game.... Monopoly... he quickly and enthusiastically moved on.

And before we knew... we were telling both our children the rules of Monopoly... at the same time and without making too many adjustments for our special son. We then played the game for about 35 minutes, when Aditya, who was clearly getting fidgety, asked how long we would play, so he could go set the kitchen timer. We were planning to wrap up anyways, which we did rightaway, while celebrating how much we had loved this precious half hour with both of them, and specially how much we appreciated his understanding the rules, waiting for his turns, playing by the rules (including paying rent to his sister and accepting his dad and sister go to jail), and most of all.... asking for permission before quitting.

Wow... we already feel like a "normal" family... hurray. Thank you both our children, and thank you SON RISE!!!

A love for expressing himself!

Just a few minutes ago... before going to bed: "I love you Dad." Then with a smile: "And the best part is you have a deep and silly voice."

So much more aware!

It has been really long since we were regular with the blog. With so much happening around us, we are too busy enjoying the changes!

Just an hour ago, as the first volunteer walked in, Aditya had been busy in the playroom with dad. So busy, that both forgot that it was time for him to change into street clothes. He had already changed his shirt when we walked in. Then he said, "Can I get into the closet for a minute?
"Hmm"
"And close the door too?"
"Okay!"
"Mom, can I have my underwear?", Aditya whispered.
"Sure!" I had forgotten that I was still holding on to it, while talking to the volunteer. He came out in a moment, put on his pants and said, "Let's play!"

This was a dream moment! He was aware of the presence of people around him and that he should be dressed when out in front of others. Until a few months ago, he would roam around forgetting to wear his pants after using the restroom, too excited to get back to the playroom.
Way to go, Aditya!

Why are they "gone"?

Aditya, while eating his snack of Mary's Gone crackers, "Hey Mom why are they called Mary's Gone Crackers?"

Mom: "Well I don't know but I do think it is a strange name"

Aditya: "I think I know why. Because the company wanted the crackers gone to WHOLE FOODS."

Mom ROTFL.

Men at work!

On the weekend I went into the playroom with Aditya with a "game".

When anyone says "I've got a game for you" his face lights up. (Thanks to the wonderfully exciting games he played with his friends at the Son Rise house last month.)

"What's that game?" said he.

I announced the name of the game (still in the bag but some of the things could be seen from outside) ... the "Handy Man game".

"The Handy Man Game?" said Aditya with excitement, as he is fond of things the handymen get with them when they come to fix things around the house. (Handymen are people who fix all kinds of things in the house--- they are the combination of a "plumber", a "carpenter", and an "electrician"... no wonder... it is so cool to play the Handy-Man!)

I then drew out all those cool things from the bag one by one: a not-in-use remote control which would be our cell-phone, an empty box with pictures of light bulbs, batteries of 4 different kinds, a flashlight (torch), a digital organizer which would be our laptop/palmtop computer, some wires, tape, a screw driver, a clothespin doubled up as a plyer, a stud finder, a measuring tape, and 4 plastic bags (read more for why plastic bags).

The bottom-line is... the Handy Man game was not really a game. But we have seen this time and again... when you present almost anything as a game, it becomes a hit!!!

As handy-men we did a number of things together--- most of them with Aditya in the lead role:

1) Use a TV remote control as a mobile phone to take calls from people calling us with jobs
2) Answer phone calls from Jack who lives on 123 Washington Street and Joe who lives on 321 Main Street. Jack had a broken light bulb and wanted us to fix it. Joe, had a bigger issue. His bathroom had a problem and there was water all over in his house. Aditya agreed to go to help Joe first as he needed help more urgently.
3) Visit people's houses to fix things with Aditya riding his motor bike and me riding behind him
4) Wear plastic bags in our feet to make sure we did not bring the dirt from the streets into our clients' houses!
5) Aditya using a big vacuum to suck away water while I used a baseball bat turned into a broom to clean away the excess water
6) Aditya helping me move away the trampoline (pretending it to be a dining table) as there was water under it which had to be cleaned
7) Making a call to Jack as we were getting late going to his house to fix the light bulb
8) Going to Jack's house and fixing his light bulb after measuring the hight of his lamp post then deciding he needed to raise that a little more, then standing on a step stool which Aditya helped me with, to change the light bulb

Goals worked on:
1) Inspire Aditya to physically participate in activities chosen by him and by others... this one we did very well due to the nature of this game
2) Inspire him to be spontaneous in our interactions... such as "Joe" telling him on the phone about water everywhere, and wondering aloud how soon he would come. He responded by saying one minute. As another example, I would "wonder" how we could clean up so much water, and he would then come up with a response like "Let's get the vacuum cleaner".
3) Inspire Aditya to make his wants/not wants clear. Inspire him also to make himself clearly understood, e.g. I wondered if he was okay wearing plastic bags in his feet. He said "I am okay but it is wet over there" (perhaps with sweat). I laughed and readily offered to remove those bags.

All in all, we had a gala time. It was amazing to see Aditya's willingness to participate in such a physically interactive activity for about 20 minutes at a stretch. When he was done with the game, he clearly said "I want to stop playing this and..." thus making his want clear. Hurray!!!

A one week wonder!

Aditya's eye contact improved dramatically in 2 days. By the third day, he was looking at his friends before talking to them 80% of the times, and his Son Rise playroom friends no more had it as a goal! Wo-hoo!

Instead our goals became: 1) help Aditya communicate his wants / not wants more clearly 2) inspire him to be spontaneous in his play 3) inspire Aditya to participate physically in an activity chosen by him or by his playroom friends

On day 4 Aditya (who used to use a much more literal language before to communicate the same need) said: Hey can you please wait for me, I need to run to the bathroom.

Finally... before the beginning of the week, Aditya's attention span was assessed at somewhere between 10-15 minutes. By the end of the week it was 21 minutes.

Of course, you guessed it correctly.... the description above is indeed of the miracle that we saw unfold right before our eyes in the one week long Son Rise Intensive program for Aditya. Aai, Baba, and Aditya flew to the beautiful town of Sheffield, MA and lived in the apartment provided by "his friends at Son Rise" (which is how he thinks of them now). One room of the apartment-- the Son Rise playroom!

Love... it's what makes Son Rise-- Son Rise! Love... it's what they live and breathe at the Son Rise house. They = Aditya's special friends Kim, Camila, Amanda, Susan, Brandi, Juliet!

Love... we see it everyday around us now, being expressed profusely and enthusiastically with the "I love you Daddy"s out of nowhere, and a spontaneous "Excuse me" before talking to Mom as he sees her on the phone.

Some more:

1) "Hey if you do that it will be nice of you" on one occasion where I offered to do something to help him
2) Silence. It was a special moment as it happened when Aditya was running around the room swinging his hands which abruptly hit a volunteer this week. Aditya stopped and looked at the volunteer, almost as if he wanted to stop and acknowledge what just happened. Of course, it was celebrated enthusiastically (that is super important besides being a true reflection of how we feel about Aditya's fantastic work in the last 2 weeks!)
3) "I think you will be flying Delta right?" says Son Rise senior teacher William on day#5 of his intensive
Aditya looks at Mom and says: "Is that true?" then looks at Dad (who is on the other side of William) with NO WORDS, like he is checking in to see what Dad thinks.
4) "I hope you are having fun here with your friends" says Dad on day 2 as Mom, Dad, Aditya meet in the Son Rise playroom at Sheffield.
"And you guys too" comes the reply, looking at me, of course
5) "Byyyyye". This special moment came today as I was about to leave for office. Sensing that from my actions, Aditya stopped his favorite activity of making a paper gift for someone, and came down running.... ONLY to say goodbye to me. Priceless!
6) But the best of all his communication happened an hour after we came back home, as Aditya asked his twin sister: "Did you miss me?"
"No" says sis, "because I was having fun with grandma. Did you miss me?"
"No" says Aditya with a smile. "I was having fun too"
And then they both get chatty and engage in a conversation so lovely to watch it cannot be described.

We had thought Aditya's one week long intensive program would no doubt help. We had also thought it would be something we will do at some point for him... we just had to do it to help him experience being loved 24 by 7 with a 100% accepting and non-judgemental attitude. But we had no idea that the love and acceptance that Aditya's friends at Son Rise immersed him in, could cause a change in the wiring in his mind in such less time!

Our daughter often talks about going back to Disneyland which she thinks has been her best one week vacation. No wonder Aditya is already talking about going back to what is clearly the Dreamland for him!

Our special thanks to all the friends who helped us allow Aditya experience this life changing journey! Be it your volunteering help, your monetary contribution, or even your prayers, we truly thank you for it all.

We still have a long way to go. Aditya's evaluation at the end of his intensive program puts him in stage 4 of the Son Rise developmental model. (A neuro-typical child is at the end of stage 5 or more).

We think the next few hundred miles of our journey are going to be tremendously exciting, and we intend to drive with our hearts and souls!

-- Mom & Dad, still immersed in the love that was showered on us at the Son Rise house!

I am Growing!

Once we started the Son-Rise program, we noticed that Aditya had stopped merely existing, coping and actually started growing and thriving! Thanks to the program, tireless efforts of all our volunteers and the invaluable guidance from our teachers at The Option Institute, he has made tremendous progress in his social skills. We decided to try and put down on paper, his achievements in the past 11 months since we started this program. Here is what we came up with:
1) Increased eye contact
2) Increased flexibility, increased pretend play
3) Gained ability to hold pencil and draw or write
4) Gained ability to use scissors and cut
5) Learned to play modified versions of interactive games
6) Became more aware of surroundings and other people and their feelings
7) Improved at reading facial expressions
8) Some improvement in ability to use facial expressions
9) Became more assertive
10) Improved ability to handle sudden changes and transitions
11) Improved at answering questions
12) Gained ability to crack and understand very simple jokes
13) Easily accepts nail clipping
14) Stopped being afraid of being swept away in the toilet
15) For some time, became friends with the “hand dryer”. Became friends with the hair dryer and continues to be
16) Improved clarity of speech
17) Started talking a lot more, although usually without pausing for others
18) Showed willingness to play soccer
19) Stopped wetting the bed at night
20) Agreed to get on a GFCF diet (believing it when he was told it would help reduce the noises around him)
21) Is able distinguish between objects and people (No longer talks about families of Vacuum cleaners:))

Our very own Raffi!

A couple of months ago, I picked up a few audio CDs from the local library. Luckily, one of them was the "Banana Phone" CD by Raffi, the renowned singer (about whom I was unaware). Aditya got so hooked on to his songs that .....

What's on the menu?

We have been taking turns coming down with cold and fever... on one of those days when Mom wasn't feeling well, Aditya wrote up on the easel a list of foods he wanted to have for lunch!

A Beautiful Moment!

It was late evening today. Aditya had just finished his dinner and was sitting close to Mom, while also looking out the window doing what he loves to do: gazing the leaves on the trees.

Dad (joining): "Hi Tree!"

Aditya: "Hey, can you close that (looking at the curtains) so I can't look at the tree"

Mom: "Why Aditya, you can look at the tree if you want to!"

Aditya (turning his face to Mom): "I want to look at you!"

Our Own World Cup!

The last time we saw him kick a ball so enthusiastically was when he was about a year and a half old. And then on last Sunday!
In the 4 years between then and now, Aditya had pretty much stopped playing interactive games like soccer.

But this Sunday was different! We had a gala time at a local park as Aditya, Shreya, and Dad played soccer... TOGETHER.

In the beginning whenever Shreya took the ball he would leave her and go around in small circles. But later he would come back... as she would give the ball to him.

Much later, things looked quite different. At one point, while Shreya was contemplating how to kick a steady ball, he came and took away the ball with a kick. Not okay in the rule book. But IT DOES NOT MATTER in our book. That he could enjoy a moderately interactive game is "huge" for us!

Then, Aditya and I took turns as we dribbled the ball from one side of the rectangular park to the nearest other side, then came back. (To keep his interest up, we would make up a goal post out of nowhere, so he could score a goal, then go on to dribble some more. )

He was tired, but happy! I, of course, was very happy! Thanks Buddy!

(By the way, Aditya rarely watches TV. He has not watched a single game of the ongoing soccer world cup. I do hope we continue playing between this and the next world cup though:-)

Back from "Happy Camp"!

If "Option Institute" were a pancake restaurant, their slogan would be: "Come Angry, Leave Happy".

Last week was my second trip there, as I went to attend the 4.5 day long Son Rise - New Frontiers advanced training program.

I learnt some cool new techniques to build on our interactions with Aditya, but the highlight for me was clearly a much better understanding of the Option process.

In fact, it struck me like a lightening: the "Option" process attitude is not only an important part of Son Rise, it is the most important part of Son Rise.

When we take on the attitude of "choosing" what we do (choose anything including "play or not play today" to "run or not run the Son Rise program") we are likely to have a much more exciting and rewarding experience of anything that we do.

Imagine you are at the top of the Himalayas. You are enjoying the breathtaking views... soaking in all that you can take. This is something you have WANTED to do for years. You are doing it today after years of planning, so you would most likely agree you would not be thinking about "what's for dinner" in this moment.

Do we feel so excited about everything that we do in life, even if we really "choose" to do whatever we do?

Ever imagine the feeling of "wanting" what you do and doing what you want, as opposed to the feeling of "having to do a thing although you didn't want to"?

Following my return from New Frontiers, we convened a "first of its kind" team meeting.

For starters, everyone took on different identities.... those of our favorite animals:-) Anyone who spoke did so only after identifying him or herself with a woof or a neigh or a roar! (The new belief = we can all be silly.)

For another, we devoted the whole meeting to discussing "Stimulus-Belief-Response" aka the Option Process, with examples.

We passed around an empty water bottle for the microphone. Though we found this funny in the beginning, about an hour later, we were passing around the bottle like it was a real microphone. We then stopped and marveled at how we just created a new belief about the bottle!

We also decided that we would take on some new beliefs when we go into the playroom:
1) we are in the playroom because we "want" to play with Aditya. If this is not the case (for whatever reason) we will choose to do what we want-- maybe take the day off!
2) Since we "want" to be in the playroom, we are going to focus on enjoying that one experience (remember the top of the Himalayas?). We are therefore leaving our phone and our thoughts outside the room.
3) We are doing this program for ourselves, not for Aditya. To do this in the most effective way, we will strive to be exceptional team members. Since we want to do our best, we will look forward to feedback, and to Option process dialogues to explore our underlying beliefs which may be coming in the way of our being effective in the playroom.

The team is excited, and we are meeting again in one week!

Being Nova!

Lately Aditya has begun playing a game where he becomes Henry, my Dad and takes me places such as the zoo or to pick up my brother from the school, usually in his car which is the mattress or the trampoline. My name is Nova at these times. I am 4 and he is 38. ( I sometimes have a brother who is 11 years old. He does not have a name, as yet:-)

Mother's Day Special!!

"Happy Mother's Day to you!" sung to the tune of "Happy birthday to you!" This was what I woke up to today. It was about 6 am. I had the urge to pull the sheets on my face and go back to bed. But this was too cute to ignore! What a way to start off Mother's Day!

Aditya came into our room and snuggled up with me, letting me know that he loved me. "Yes, baby! I love you too", I said sleepily. "Hey, look at me and say that!" Done, buddy! So much for demanding eye contact!

"Mom, I am hungry. Can I have some breakfast?" "Ok." "I am going to go brush my teeth and come down for breakfast." This sentence made me sit up in bed. He had , till today, never shown such agility and ability! I was still putting all of this together, when he announced that he was done brushing his teeth. "I will be down in a minute", I said, pulling myself out of bed. And there he was, waiting for me to pour milk in his bowl full of cereal!

What started as any other day, except for it being called Mother's day , turned out to be one of the best days!

Where are you, my friend?

Aditya was expecting a friend of his yesterday afternoon (a team member) and was all set to go back to the playroom. Excited and anxious, he kept monitoring the time. About 10 minutes later than the expected time of arrival, he couldn't stand it any more and asked, "Hey mom! Do you think she is not coming today?"
"Well, she didn't let me know, so I assume she'll be here soon."
"Can I call her and check?" He picked up the phone, dialled her number (Yes, he knows EVERYBODY'S phone numbers by heart) and spoke to her! "Hey, where are you?"

I found this incidence worth blogging about, as firstly, he has never dialled a phone by himself, and most importantly, he has never made such a quick decision and acted on it!

Till now, if somebody did not show up in time, he would keep asking us some of the following questions: Will she never come again? Did she get a new job? Is she sick? Will she stay home forever? I think he used to be pretty scared and upset with the thought that he wouldn't be meeting his friend. But now, he seems to have realised that there is something he can do rather than just being anxious!

Another First!

This week, Aditya played Chutes and Ladders for the first time! This is an important milestone as there were lots of uncertainties (who gets a chute next?), there was a shared object of attention, and there was lots of turn-taking. Most of all, he loved it, and asked to play Chutes and Ladders with the next volunteer!

Secrets!

It's been a long time, and we have come a long way too!

A few video feedback sessions, first with Kate, then with William have helped us tremendously in understanding the world Aditya is in, which he is constantly trying to compare to ours!

More on that at some other time... right now... just wanted to add this new social skill he has added to his arsenal:-)

Just this week it was time for a snack and both Aditya and Shreya were at the table. We had made sandwiches and the twins had just finished eating, when Aditya called me and said: I want to tell you a secret.

"What?" I was excited as I took my ear close to his mouth.

"Thank you for the sandwich" said a whispering voice, from a mouth decorated with bread crumbs, on a face that was blushing and naughty at the same time!

I once watched a YouTube video of an Australian couple doing Son-Rise titled "Less Autistic Every Week". I do not know if this is the stuff they were talking about, but it just pleases us beyond words when Aditya does something new, which he seems to do at least once in a couple of weeks now!

Signing off... a very pleased Dad!

Bumble bees and Honey bees are cousins!

Question: "Well, if you were a bumble bee and a bull sat on you what would you do?"

Answer: "You would sting him."

Those aren't just two lines from the story of "Ferdinand" the bull-- which by the way is Aditya's favorite!

(How interesting.... Ferdinand is a "special" bull who is different from his friends, who has no interest in fighting but instead sitting every single day under his favorite cork tree, quietly, smelling flowers!)

For a child with autism, a phrase from a book or a TV commercial often becomes what the child will say or ask pretty much any time of the day, seemingly with no regard for what's happening around!

In autism lingo, it is called "Echolalia", although I like to stay away from such words that tend to over-complicate the issue... something brought to the attention of our class by William, a wonderful senior Son Rise teacher! The child is not necessarily doing this because he does not know to say anything else. Certainly... Aditya can now speak on a LOT of different topics. But regardless of his reason to say it at that time, he is effectively wanting control over and predictability in his environment, including people in the environment.

That is how anything can quickly become a "control" issue for him. For example when he asks a question 5 times for whatever reason, and people start showing signs of frustration and want to run away or start re-directing him, it becomes a control battle, often leading to the child seeking even more control!

Aditya asked the question "Well.... if you were a bumble bee..." several times during this week, and after answering him a few times the way he liked, we tried some ways of redirecting him by answering his question differently!

GOSH... we were wrong, and the question continued! Then I reliazed: he really NEEDS the same exact answer he is looking for. It does not matter how many times he has asked already, or even that he has asked 2 minutes ago. If he looks like he needs that answer now, GIVE IT TO HIM!

So when he asked me again this morning:
"Well, if you were a bumble bee and a bull sat on you what would you do?"
I enthusiastically said: You would STING him.

Aditya's face lit up.

Then, to my surprise, he introduced an expansion himself: "And if a honey bee came there...?"

I could not believe this came so soon!

(Looking back, the only thing different today, was possibly, my attitude. I had no reservations in saying "You would sting him!" instead I was pretty much celebrating the fact in my mind that I was providing him with the answer he clearly wanted in order to find predictability.)

Equally delighted, I said: "she would ask the bumble be: it's boring under this cork tree.... do you want to come honey picking with me?"

Aditya liked the idea and said bumble bees and honey bees were cousins, and could go for a picnic.

And from there... we built a story of the two bees going out together to have fun!

Aditya proposed (with no prodding from me at all) that they carry bags of honey on their back! I agreed whole-heartedly celebrating him for his "planning"... now they can even visit their distant cousins in North Carolina (which is where Aditya's cousins live), without stopping at Detroit for food (where we had stopped when we visited them in North Carolina), instead they can just keep sucking honey from their honey-bags.

Aditya did seek control again, saying "Can we do that in 2012?" He was especially keen to do it on February 29, 2012. We agreed on that, and that we would meet again in 2016 on February 29.

Later, the bumble bee requested to meet on February 28, 2013 as 4 years is too much of a wait, to which Aditya said "Sure!"

Pursuit of Perfection!

The last two weeks felt unusual for most of Aditya's friends.

For the last two weeks Aditya has been mostly drawing and coloring with the help of his friends. He has mostly been refusing to play any other games.

While coloring and drawing, he
1) was rigid (e.g. he had to draw a perfect square on a sheet of paper with not a single crease)
2) was controlling (if he wanted us to erase and fix something he wanted it quick!)
3) was frustrated with small mistakes like he or his friend drawing an "oval" shaped face rather than a "circle" face, after which he would crumple and throw away the paper (we joined by making a ball of our paper and throwing it away with force)
4) sometimes cried about how he did not like mistakes and how we should not make them again
5) would sometimes ask "are mistakes ok?" This last question offered expansion opportunities. On one such occasion I said "mistakes are fine" in response to which he said "is stealing stuff bad?" to which I said "it's fine if you are stealing from a bully". This led to a 10 minute chat about a bully in my middle school and how I stole his candy and returned it to him the next day and spoke to him about how it felt to him, to teach him a lesson. Not sure if this was in accordance with Son Rise principles... but I just followed my gut feelings, and it worked surprisingly well as in the end Aditya was laughing about how we taught the bully a lesson.

This phase of "perfection or frustration", lasted for almost two weeks.

In the last 2 days, though, we are seeing a different Aditya.

Especially yesterday!

Yesterday was special, we think, as Aditya displayed greater than usual composure in face of unexpected changes ("randomization" during song selection on the music player inside the car).

The other remarkable thing he did yesterday, was coloring a computer-printed picture (NOT a picture he had himself drawn), while making sure the colors stayed inside the boundaries... another thing he has rarely done before!

It may not be obvious, but coloring a picture drawn by somebody else suggests he was not looking for control. This reduced need to control became even more apparent when he tried to keep the colors within the boundaries of the things he was coloring (which again, were boundaries set by someone else, not him).

I gave you a gift!

The title of this post is something Aditya says to his friends, usually when they come back for their next session with him.

Here is an assortment of gifts he has given us in the last few weeks!

1. An Airplane
2. A Baby
3. A blood pressure monitor (for his grandparents!)
4. A book with a story about our family

Enjoy!

Lots of paper!

Aditya is now using lots and lots of white paper every day.

And we have waited for a long time to see this day!

Makes no sense, right?

Until, of course, I put those 2 things together in a context.

And that "putting together" of two details and drawing a conclusion is exactly the skill that we "neuro-typical" folks take for granted. It is the "executive" function that an autistic brain seems to lack.

That's why when I took him to a Safeway store months ago, he wanted to go to the water bottling machine and push buttons on it, then walk out, without regard for the "higher order" function of buying milk and bread and vegetables and then go home and give them to Mommy!

But in the last few days, Aditya has showed signs he may have begun looking at things a little differently, and be able to see a "big picture".

For a long time now Aditya has been drawing or asking us to draw a scene at the restaurant complete with tables and chairs, food on the table, cups and plates, forks and spoons, etc. He has also been drawing or asking that we draw cars, jeeps, airplanes, etc. But he has been drawing them as different things, with no interest in having a relationship between those things.

At the beginning of our Son Rise program, I did try suggesting to him maybe we could put those things together and make up a story. No way! It was too soon, and we had to go back to the basics and join, join, and I repeat, join. Once in a while there would be expansions, such as we put different kinds of food in the plates, or we drew people in the chairs at the restaurant.

Then, over the last weekend, I said to him again: THOSE PEOPLE AT THE RESTAURANT CAME THERE IN THAT JEEP.

And he took that expansion! Hurray!!!

And not only that, he then took the idea a step further and drew and asked me to draw more pictures: a picture of the same people (those people were our family, actually:-)) going to Toys R Us, then a picture of the boy and the dad buying a toy vacuum cleaner, then the picture of the boy and the dad going to the "triangle" restroom, then the girl and the mom going to the "circle" restroom (at the same time, by the way), and then a picture of the family going home.

He has since been making stories with almost all of his friends in the playroom. So now you know... why I am so happy he is using up paper like never before.

Of Letters and Numbers

"Hey mom, is A a odd letter or even?", Aditya asked me one day at lunch. I was stunned. "Well .. I am not sure. You could say it is even."
"Are boys even and girls odd?" I was too dumbfounded to answer this one! He just shook his head and walked away, like he was pitying me. I couldn't really figure out what was going on in his head.

A couple of days later, at dinnertime, he asked,"Hey, are vowels odd numbered letters?" It set the whole family counting letters on their fingertips:) And the verdict: Yes, indeed! All vowels are odd numbered. He, obviously, knew that "U" is the 21st letter of the alphabet!

Throwing "smartly"

We had a Son Rise moment this week when our interactions led me to invite Aditya to play the "tear gas"/ "laughing gas" game with me in the playroom. (Before you read on, Aditya has shown limited interest in any interactive "ball" games until now. Secondly he has had some challenges in throwing the ball. )

In this game, he would throw a baseball at me. The ball is supposed to contain either laughing gas or tear gas- he gets to decide which gas.

Every time it hit me, I would start laughing hysterically and say whatever I was saying in the same hysterical tone. Next time it hit me I would start crying and say whatever I was saying as if I was inconsolably sad. Of course, Aditya could change that sequence and throw the same type of gas on me any number of times in a row.

Not only did he thoroughly enjoy the game... he also ended up, for the first time, throwing the ball straight into my hands after throwing it at or close to me a number of times. I celebrated that whole heartedly and called him a smart boy.

He followed by throwing the ball more, every time causing my state to change from laughing to crying and vice-versa. Then he said "I want to throw the ball smartly" and asked me to make my hands into a cup in anticipation of the ball that he would throw in my hands!

Thank you Aditya! I am growing more and more certain that one day the two of us will play baseball (or cricket:-) like any Dad and Son, and that you will beat me at it!