As I published the last post... I also wondered about what used to be our major concerns when Aditya was turning 3.
"Won't ask any questions, age-appropriate or otherwise" was one of the several parental concerns we had submitted during our first IEP.
Back then, we were receiving ABA therapy for him from the Regional Center, and were imploring the local School District to continue with it.
Today... ABA is out; AaiBAba are in! (In Marathi, Aai = Mom and BAba = Dad).
A simple fix... but a very important one!
Because with it, came an attitudinal shift... such as...
Instead of pouncing on and correcting our son for not saying a full sentence (or whatever other children his age were doing at the time) we began celebrating him for what he did say!
Instead of holding him (or else he would try to escape) until he answered a question, we began letting him go where he wanted, then following him into his world!
Instead of following one unanswered question with another (in the hope that he would answer!) we stopped playing the interrogator, and started waiting for him until he came up with an answer.
Instead of saying "Don't ask me that again" we sat down, looked at him with excitement, and provided him the answers he needed to understand the world!
Turns out, he was waiting for an opportunity to ask questions, age-appropriate, and even otherwise:-)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
"Puppies" for Dummies!
I Son-Rised today with Aditya over lunch which extended for about an hour and 15 minutes. There was not much we could do besides this animated discussion, but boy... what a discussion!
Here is a SMALL portion of it which I have tried to remember:
(Aditya's speech is identified with ALL UPPERCASE.)
"DO YOU LOVE ME YOU THINK SO OR YOU DON'T THINK SO?"
"I think so!"
"WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Spiders, trash, paper cups, plastic bags"
(The astute reader will recognize that these are things we put away in trash... don't freak out... we do recycle... but for him it's trash or similar to trash... so I want to be consistent and call all that is to be thrown away as things I don't love! I am hoping he is also getting the message: what or who I love will never go to the trash can)
"AND WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Used batteries, broken things, broken vacuum cleaner"
"AND?"
"Broken wireless routers and broken mattresses" I surrender as I remember about these favourite topics of discussion!
Aditya says BINGO! in his mind and puts on the hat of an FBI agent!
We discuss why the wires in the wireless router got broken and when will the wires in the wireless router that we presently use be broken. I do my best to provide a satisfactory and truthful answer. In the process I do ask him when will be the next time the glass of water on the table will topple. He says it won't topple. I say similarly the wireless router won't be broken.
Probably not convinced, he continues:
"WHICH MATTRESS DID YOU PUT IN IN THE DUMPSTER?"
I try to be as truthful as possible:
"The king size mattress from Murasaki Futons"
"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AWAY?'
"Because it had grown old"
"AND?"
"It had lots of folds"
"WHAT, BLISTERS?" (He probably hears FOAD which is Marathi means blisters.)
"No, folds"
"AND?"
"So I could not sleep in it
"AND?"
"And it could not be fixed"
"WHY IT COULD NOT BE FIXED"
I depart from the truth at this point, but have to make a U turn pretty soon, as explained below!
"I actually spoke to the guy in Murasaki Futons and said there are folds in the mattress, can you fix them?"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He said he can't fix it."
"IT'S BROKEN SO YOU RETURN IT TO THE STORE" pat comes the reply as he was told this the last time we returned something to a store.
"Yes we return it if it's new when it's broken. But the mattress was ooooold so they would not take it back!"
"WHY DID YOU RETURN THE TABLE TO WALMART?" Aditya points my attention to the fact that I also returned a corner table to Walmart a couple of days ago, even when it was not broken.
"Oh that table was too small so I got a big center table instead and returned the small table to Walmart"
"DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Yes!!"
"WHY DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Because I can put lots of stuff on it like cups of tea and snacks when people visit us."
"WILL YOU RETURN ME"
"No I won't return you"
"WHY YOU WON'T RETURN ME"
"I don't like to return my friends and my children." (Right, I want to say he is first and foremost my friend! )
"DO YOU LOVE ME?"
"Yes!"
"WHEN YOU WILL PUT ME IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Never!"
"WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Trash"
"AND DISPOSABLE THINGS?"
"Yes!"
"AM I DISPOSABLE?"
"No Aditya, only paper plates and cups.."
"AND PAPER SPOONS..."
"Yeah, and plastic spoons..."
"AND PLASTIC KNIVES..."
"Yes, and plastic knives!"
"NOT METAL CUPS AND SPOONS and KNIVES"
"Not metal cups and spoons and knives"
"AND NOT TOYS"
"And not children, not cats and dogs" ... at this point I hasten to make it clear I don't have any of those intentions!
"YEAH THEY ARE BIGGER THAN THE TRASH CAN" says he as he smiles!
"That's right Aditya, you are a smart boy!" I smile in return as I am glad he is convinced he is bigger than some things like the potty so he won't fall in. (He used to worry about this)
Just as I am thinking this, comes the question:
"AND PUPPIES?"
"No, we don't put puppies in the trash can"
"HOW DO I MAKE A PRUNE CAN I SHOW YOU"
(Yes, a new topic!)
"Yeah, tell me about it Aditya!"
"FIRST YOU TAKE A PLUM, YOU PUT IT IN THE SUN. IT BECOMES SMALL AND DRY, THEN YOU EAT IT."
His face lights up as he concludes his favorite recipe... recipes are cool... they NEVER change:)
"Yeah... and do you know what happens if you put a dog in the sun?" I ask a question almost as if a mad dog had bit me... seriously... I don't remember how I ended up asking this question right after the prune recipe!
"A PUPPY!"
"Yeah..... that's a good joke.....!!!!" I cannot stop laughing as I also marvel at the way he perceives the world!
Here is a SMALL portion of it which I have tried to remember:
(Aditya's speech is identified with ALL UPPERCASE.)
"DO YOU LOVE ME YOU THINK SO OR YOU DON'T THINK SO?"
"I think so!"
"WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Spiders, trash, paper cups, plastic bags"
(The astute reader will recognize that these are things we put away in trash... don't freak out... we do recycle... but for him it's trash or similar to trash... so I want to be consistent and call all that is to be thrown away as things I don't love! I am hoping he is also getting the message: what or who I love will never go to the trash can)
"AND WHAT DO YOU NOT LOVE?"
"Used batteries, broken things, broken vacuum cleaner"
"AND?"
"Broken wireless routers and broken mattresses" I surrender as I remember about these favourite topics of discussion!
Aditya says BINGO! in his mind and puts on the hat of an FBI agent!
We discuss why the wires in the wireless router got broken and when will the wires in the wireless router that we presently use be broken. I do my best to provide a satisfactory and truthful answer. In the process I do ask him when will be the next time the glass of water on the table will topple. He says it won't topple. I say similarly the wireless router won't be broken.
Probably not convinced, he continues:
"WHICH MATTRESS DID YOU PUT IN IN THE DUMPSTER?"
I try to be as truthful as possible:
"The king size mattress from Murasaki Futons"
"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AWAY?'
"Because it had grown old"
"AND?"
"It had lots of folds"
"WHAT, BLISTERS?" (He probably hears FOAD which is Marathi means blisters.)
"No, folds"
"AND?"
"So I could not sleep in it
"AND?"
"And it could not be fixed"
"WHY IT COULD NOT BE FIXED"
I depart from the truth at this point, but have to make a U turn pretty soon, as explained below!
"I actually spoke to the guy in Murasaki Futons and said there are folds in the mattress, can you fix them?"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He said he can't fix it."
"IT'S BROKEN SO YOU RETURN IT TO THE STORE" pat comes the reply as he was told this the last time we returned something to a store.
"Yes we return it if it's new when it's broken. But the mattress was ooooold so they would not take it back!"
"WHY DID YOU RETURN THE TABLE TO WALMART?" Aditya points my attention to the fact that I also returned a corner table to Walmart a couple of days ago, even when it was not broken.
"Oh that table was too small so I got a big center table instead and returned the small table to Walmart"
"DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Yes!!"
"WHY DO YOU LIKE THE BIG CENTER TABLE?"
"Because I can put lots of stuff on it like cups of tea and snacks when people visit us."
"WILL YOU RETURN ME"
"No I won't return you"
"WHY YOU WON'T RETURN ME"
"I don't like to return my friends and my children." (Right, I want to say he is first and foremost my friend! )
"DO YOU LOVE ME?"
"Yes!"
"WHEN YOU WILL PUT ME IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Never!"
"WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE TRASH CAN?"
"Trash"
"AND DISPOSABLE THINGS?"
"Yes!"
"AM I DISPOSABLE?"
"No Aditya, only paper plates and cups.."
"AND PAPER SPOONS..."
"Yeah, and plastic spoons..."
"AND PLASTIC KNIVES..."
"Yes, and plastic knives!"
"NOT METAL CUPS AND SPOONS and KNIVES"
"Not metal cups and spoons and knives"
"AND NOT TOYS"
"And not children, not cats and dogs" ... at this point I hasten to make it clear I don't have any of those intentions!
"YEAH THEY ARE BIGGER THAN THE TRASH CAN" says he as he smiles!
"That's right Aditya, you are a smart boy!" I smile in return as I am glad he is convinced he is bigger than some things like the potty so he won't fall in. (He used to worry about this)
Just as I am thinking this, comes the question:
"AND PUPPIES?"
"No, we don't put puppies in the trash can"
"HOW DO I MAKE A PRUNE CAN I SHOW YOU"
(Yes, a new topic!)
"Yeah, tell me about it Aditya!"
"FIRST YOU TAKE A PLUM, YOU PUT IT IN THE SUN. IT BECOMES SMALL AND DRY, THEN YOU EAT IT."
His face lights up as he concludes his favorite recipe... recipes are cool... they NEVER change:)
"Yeah... and do you know what happens if you put a dog in the sun?" I ask a question almost as if a mad dog had bit me... seriously... I don't remember how I ended up asking this question right after the prune recipe!
"A PUPPY!"
"Yeah..... that's a good joke.....!!!!" I cannot stop laughing as I also marvel at the way he perceives the world!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Attitude...
Yesterday, a discussion with another parent about our Sonrise program and (what seemed to be) sensory issues, was so compelling that I decided to write about our experience.
One of Aditya's challenges since he was a baby: Clipping nails. I remember trying to deal with this issue in various ways: reason, beg, bribe, command, ignore... were we tired! After reading more about the Son-Rise program, I decided to deal with this in an entirely different way. I wanted to see if the attitude change really did work for us. So...
Once while clipping his sis's nails, I casually told Aditya that it was OK to not clip his nails if he didn't wish to. He was surprised. He kept asking me if his nails weren't long enough, if there was no dirt under them, if there were no germs inside, if he wouldn't have a tummy ache if he bit on them ... everything I had tried telling him. So his nails grew for more than a month. We went through the same set of questions everytime he saw any of us clipping our nails.
and FINALLY.. one fine morning, he came to me and said,"I want to tell you something, Mommy.. can you clip my nails today?"
"???"
"Yes, can you clip my nails?"
"Well, only if you want to. It hurts me to see you cry."
"I am a big boy now. I promise to not cry today."
And he didn't! It has been two months today and I clip his nails only when he asks me to. Initially it was once every couple of weeks, but now it is every few days!
Hurray!
An elated mom!
One of Aditya's challenges since he was a baby: Clipping nails. I remember trying to deal with this issue in various ways: reason, beg, bribe, command, ignore... were we tired! After reading more about the Son-Rise program, I decided to deal with this in an entirely different way. I wanted to see if the attitude change really did work for us. So...
Once while clipping his sis's nails, I casually told Aditya that it was OK to not clip his nails if he didn't wish to. He was surprised. He kept asking me if his nails weren't long enough, if there was no dirt under them, if there were no germs inside, if he wouldn't have a tummy ache if he bit on them ... everything I had tried telling him. So his nails grew for more than a month. We went through the same set of questions everytime he saw any of us clipping our nails.
and FINALLY.. one fine morning, he came to me and said,"I want to tell you something, Mommy.. can you clip my nails today?"
"???"
"Yes, can you clip my nails?"
"Well, only if you want to. It hurts me to see you cry."
"I am a big boy now. I promise to not cry today."
And he didn't! It has been two months today and I clip his nails only when he asks me to. Initially it was once every couple of weeks, but now it is every few days!
Hurray!
An elated mom!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The dryer, again!
Yes... I am talking about the dryer again... because it is so worth it!
Aditya has done it!
We ordered a hair dryer from amazon which arrived in a box. Aditya sees the box, asks what's inside, when told about the hair dyer, asks to use the dryer!
MOM HAS TO STOP HIM from using the dryer on his own because it could be dangerous. She does help him though, and Aditya ends up drying his hair using what he has always known to be a scary mosnter and meticulously ordered to be avoided when getting his hair-cuts!
It took him about 15 minutes... but he followed through on his plans and changed his beliefs he had created in his mind since the time he had anything to do with a hair dryer.
Will he repeat the performance in a public restroom? I don't insist that he will... but I won't be surprised if he does.
Aditya has done it!
We ordered a hair dryer from amazon which arrived in a box. Aditya sees the box, asks what's inside, when told about the hair dyer, asks to use the dryer!
MOM HAS TO STOP HIM from using the dryer on his own because it could be dangerous. She does help him though, and Aditya ends up drying his hair using what he has always known to be a scary mosnter and meticulously ordered to be avoided when getting his hair-cuts!
It took him about 15 minutes... but he followed through on his plans and changed his beliefs he had created in his mind since the time he had anything to do with a hair dryer.
Will he repeat the performance in a public restroom? I don't insist that he will... but I won't be surprised if he does.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The festival of lights!
Here is wishing you all a very happy Diwali and a prosperous new year!!
We had our first team member training session on the first day of Diwali. What a perfect timing! Diwali (the festival of lights) has always been a very happy occasion for me, something which fills the heart with hope and inspiration!
Those festive lights are not just ordinary lights... they show the road ahead. A road with an infinite number of turns! A road that holds the promise of breathtaking views!
The lights that fill me with hope this year, are the faces of our own Son Rise team members. On Saturday as we went over the fundamentals of the Son Rise program, those faces lit up as we talked about how his ism's (also known as stims) can actually become the doorway through which he will walk into our world holding our hands!
On that note, a huge welcome to Krishna, Brenda, Michel-- our three team members who plan to be on our team for the next several months!
We had our first team member training session on the first day of Diwali. What a perfect timing! Diwali (the festival of lights) has always been a very happy occasion for me, something which fills the heart with hope and inspiration!
Those festive lights are not just ordinary lights... they show the road ahead. A road with an infinite number of turns! A road that holds the promise of breathtaking views!
The lights that fill me with hope this year, are the faces of our own Son Rise team members. On Saturday as we went over the fundamentals of the Son Rise program, those faces lit up as we talked about how his ism's (also known as stims) can actually become the doorway through which he will walk into our world holding our hands!
On that note, a huge welcome to Krishna, Brenda, Michel-- our three team members who plan to be on our team for the next several months!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I am not done talking about the dryer!
Looks like our visit to IKEA two Saturdays ago was only the beginning! Based on his success there, Aditya seems to have made long term plans about making friends with stimuli which he has always been afraid (even paranoid) of.
Two days ago, in the morning:
____________
Are I am (his way of saying "Am I") a big boy now?
YES, YOU ARE.
In IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES! YOU ARE A BRAVE BOY!
Are I am brave?
YES!
And I am not scared of the noise!
WOW... THAT IS WONDERFUL ADITYA. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!
I am not scared of children's noise! (Note: Aditya usually does not enjoy being in places such as birthday parties where he must play around kids who scream and run helter skelter all the time.)
WOW! THAT'S WONDERFUL!
________
Yesterday morning:
In the IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES ADITYA! YOU ARE A SUCH A BRAVE BOY!
....
_________________
Then, last night.....
We were interviewing someone for a position on our Son Rise program team. This person came across as just the right person as soon as we met her. But she literally clinched the position when...
_________________
At the end of our meeting, out came Aditya who is always excited to meet his "new friends" who call up and come home to find out: "CAN I PLAY WITH ADITYA?" (That's right... we let Aditya interview the person.)
So here he came, and as if he knew this person was about to get hired, he threw a question he has never done to anyone before.
Do you like FAN BLADES?
"Oh I love fan blades" said she!
And so the two new friends talked for 2 more minutes about fan blades and fans, and then suddenly Aditya remembered to tell her he was a brave boy, who did not feel afraid of the dryer.
At this point:
"That's great... and did you know that the dryer contains a fan too"- says she.
"Dryer contains a fan?" says Aditya who had most probably never thought about the hot air blowing noisy monster in this way!
"Yes, it contains a fan so it can blow air on our hands to make them dry!"
"OKAY" says Aditya with a smile!
"YEAH... we have to thank her because we did not know the dryer contains a fan too!" I pitch in at this point as I wondered about what she had just done! How did she know to connect the dryer (the Villain) to the fan (the HERO)?
"SO NEXT TIME I CAN USE THE DRYER!" says Aditya, still similing!
It is well known that the Son Rise program encourages parents to use the "option" process of looking at anything. But from our first hand experience, I think Aditya is clearly using the Option process... and doing it much better than us!
And to us, that's really the key benefit of doing this program. For us, it is not as important to see him actually use a dryer as it is to see him feel confident and comfortable about even thinking about it.... or about any other experience which he has been avoiding until now!
Two days ago, in the morning:
____________
Are I am (his way of saying "Am I") a big boy now?
YES, YOU ARE.
In IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES! YOU ARE A BRAVE BOY!
Are I am brave?
YES!
And I am not scared of the noise!
WOW... THAT IS WONDERFUL ADITYA. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!
I am not scared of children's noise! (Note: Aditya usually does not enjoy being in places such as birthday parties where he must play around kids who scream and run helter skelter all the time.)
WOW! THAT'S WONDERFUL!
________
Yesterday morning:
In the IKEA I was not scared for (of) the dryer any more.
YES ADITYA! YOU ARE A SUCH A BRAVE BOY!
....
_________________
Then, last night.....
We were interviewing someone for a position on our Son Rise program team. This person came across as just the right person as soon as we met her. But she literally clinched the position when...
_________________
At the end of our meeting, out came Aditya who is always excited to meet his "new friends" who call up and come home to find out: "CAN I PLAY WITH ADITYA?" (That's right... we let Aditya interview the person.)
So here he came, and as if he knew this person was about to get hired, he threw a question he has never done to anyone before.
Do you like FAN BLADES?
"Oh I love fan blades" said she!
And so the two new friends talked for 2 more minutes about fan blades and fans, and then suddenly Aditya remembered to tell her he was a brave boy, who did not feel afraid of the dryer.
At this point:
"That's great... and did you know that the dryer contains a fan too"- says she.
"Dryer contains a fan?" says Aditya who had most probably never thought about the hot air blowing noisy monster in this way!
"Yes, it contains a fan so it can blow air on our hands to make them dry!"
"OKAY" says Aditya with a smile!
"YEAH... we have to thank her because we did not know the dryer contains a fan too!" I pitch in at this point as I wondered about what she had just done! How did she know to connect the dryer (the Villain) to the fan (the HERO)?
"SO NEXT TIME I CAN USE THE DRYER!" says Aditya, still similing!
It is well known that the Son Rise program encourages parents to use the "option" process of looking at anything. But from our first hand experience, I think Aditya is clearly using the Option process... and doing it much better than us!
And to us, that's really the key benefit of doing this program. For us, it is not as important to see him actually use a dryer as it is to see him feel confident and comfortable about even thinking about it.... or about any other experience which he has been avoiding until now!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
You can do it, we can help!
So far we have 2 members in our team of volunteers who have committed to spending a few hours a week playing with Aditya.
Both of our volunteers are wonderful. I could easily write a page about each of them if I begin to talk about them! But basically these people:
1) are totally comfortable with playing what and how Aditya wants to play
2) love "joining" in with Aditya's chosen activity or topic of discussion to help him realize that his actions and words carry importance
3) love to innovate and gently introduce expansions that Aditya can "choose" if he feels like, in order to help him become flexible and comfortable with things or subjects outside of his fascinations
4) have a genuine desire to help Aditya "evaluate" if people are as cool as (and perhaps cooler than) his fascinations like vacuum cleaners, fans, trains, letters, numbers, etc
5) confident that ordinary people like them can help Aditya lose his diagnosis one day!
Wow, that's a lot of great qualities they have... but if I really look at them carefully... most of them are variants of just one thought: "YOU CAN DO IT, we can help".
Oh, wait... I think it's more like: "WE CAN DO IT... YOU can help!"
(YOU = Aditya)
Of course, we are still looking for volunteers, and just began looking for paid help too. Therefore if this seems exciting to you or someone you know, we would love to hear from you!
Both of our volunteers are wonderful. I could easily write a page about each of them if I begin to talk about them! But basically these people:
1) are totally comfortable with playing what and how Aditya wants to play
2) love "joining" in with Aditya's chosen activity or topic of discussion to help him realize that his actions and words carry importance
3) love to innovate and gently introduce expansions that Aditya can "choose" if he feels like, in order to help him become flexible and comfortable with things or subjects outside of his fascinations
4) have a genuine desire to help Aditya "evaluate" if people are as cool as (and perhaps cooler than) his fascinations like vacuum cleaners, fans, trains, letters, numbers, etc
5) confident that ordinary people like them can help Aditya lose his diagnosis one day!
Wow, that's a lot of great qualities they have... but if I really look at them carefully... most of them are variants of just one thought: "YOU CAN DO IT, we can help".
Oh, wait... I think it's more like: "WE CAN DO IT... YOU can help!"
(YOU = Aditya)
Of course, we are still looking for volunteers, and just began looking for paid help too. Therefore if this seems exciting to you or someone you know, we would love to hear from you!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
He is "growing"
Do you like to eat trash or do you like to eat food?
I like to eat food!
The vacuum cleaner likes to eat trash!
Yes, of course, except it doesn’t really eat it… it pretends to eat. You see, it’s an object!
Vacuum is an object?
Yeah, because the vacuum eats the trash but it doesn't grow! When people eat food, they grow! When you were born you were so small, but look how you have grown! You are a big boy!
Yeah. It doesn’t grow so it’s an object!
That’s right Aditya! Objects don’t grow, people and animals grow!
(At this point I am pleased I actually found a good way of explaining how to tell objects from living beings.)
< SILENCE >
And the grass grows too….
I like to eat food!
The vacuum cleaner likes to eat trash!
Yes, of course, except it doesn’t really eat it… it pretends to eat. You see, it’s an object!
Vacuum is an object?
Yeah, because the vacuum eats the trash but it doesn't grow! When people eat food, they grow! When you were born you were so small, but look how you have grown! You are a big boy!
Yeah. It doesn’t grow so it’s an object!
That’s right Aditya! Objects don’t grow, people and animals grow!
(At this point I am pleased I actually found a good way of explaining how to tell objects from living beings.)
< SILENCE >
And the grass grows too….
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friends
Aditya: Am I your friend?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why am I your friend?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
Me: YOU SHARE YOUR STUFF WITH ME!
And?
YOU LAUGH WITH ME
And?
YOU LOOK AT ME!
And?
YOU HUG ME
And?
YOU KISS ME
And?
YOU LOVE ME
And?
YOU EAT WITH ME
And?
YOU DRINK WITH ME
And?
YOU PLAY WITH ME
And?
...........
Aditya: Do I like you?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why do I like you?
Me: BECAUSE I PLAY WITH YOU!
Aditya: Do you like me?
Me: OH, I LOVE YOU!
Aditya: Why do you love me?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
.....
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."
- Socrates, Greek Philosopher
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why am I your friend?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
Me: YOU SHARE YOUR STUFF WITH ME!
And?
YOU LAUGH WITH ME
And?
YOU LOOK AT ME!
And?
YOU HUG ME
And?
YOU KISS ME
And?
YOU LOVE ME
And?
YOU EAT WITH ME
And?
YOU DRINK WITH ME
And?
YOU PLAY WITH ME
And?
...........
Aditya: Do I like you?
Me: YESSSS
Aditya: Why do I like you?
Me: BECAUSE I PLAY WITH YOU!
Aditya: Do you like me?
Me: OH, I LOVE YOU!
Aditya: Why do you love me?
Me: BECAUSE YOU PLAY WITH ME!
Aditya: And?
.....
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."
- Socrates, Greek Philosopher
Saturday, October 3, 2009
He is changing!
Ever since I did the Son-Rise startup program at Option Institute, we pretty much stopped taking Aditya out into the hurly burly of shopping malls, restaurants, parties, etc. Actually, we didn't know it until now, but thanks to his newly acquired assertiveness, he clearly told us he would much rather stay home and play than go to any of these (crazy) places.
Today, we decided one of us had to go to Ikea and get some stuff in order to setup his Son Rise playroom. He over-heard the talk, and suggested he wanted to go, as Ikea is a place he likes, I guess, this is because he loves the Play Area there which has lots of sensory toys (e.g. things for sitting in and rotating, rocking on, jumping on, etc). Even as I knew this does not necessarily mean he is going to enjoy the "shopping" experience, we decided I would go with him today. We would avoid taking Shreya (his twin sister) to avoid conflicts ("should we do this now or that?")... instead Shreya would get special time at home with her mom.
The young man I saw today at Ikea was a different man from the last time we have been there. Without delay (as I am way too excited about this) I want to talk about the amazing things he did today.
1)
Last visit: I want to play (as soon as we entered IKEA)
Today: "If you want we can go play".
I say: "Yeah, I want to go to, right after we buy a rug here for your playroom"
Aditya: "Yeah, then if you want to go we can go play"
2)
Last visit: I want to eat Mac and Cheese (right after leaving the play area at IKEA)
Today: I am hungry (also after playing at IKEA)
3)
A year ago, on seeing a 6 month old baby: "Her hands are small and her feet are small too."
Today: "That's a small baby." .... AFTER A MINUTE... "She is cute!"
I am blown away, and ask: WHO IS CUTE?
Aditya: The Baby
4) Aditya: I shared the slide with the baby. Say YAAAAY. (I immediately say YAAAAY)
5) Aditya: Hey, this is a noisy place. Can we go? (I say "of course", and we get out of that particular section... then I realized I was hating that section too:-))
6) Aditya: (About our last visit) There were too many people in the family restroom so went in the triangle (men's) restroom. We did not use the dryer, we used tissues. (NOTE: Aditya is scared of dryers. He probably hates the sensation of a blast of hot air combined with the loud noise.)
I ask: That's right Aditya!
Aditya: So we will go to the triangle restroom and use the tissues.
I ask: Sure. You want to go now?
Aditya: Yes.
We go, and do our business as usual. A man uses the dryer as Aditya washes his hands. Aditya looks behind, then turns around and continues washing. The man continues to use the dryer. Aditya turns around again and says: "He is using the dryer."
(A year ago, he would scream and ask to be taken away from the dryer, if at all he entered a restroom with a dryer in it. On our last visit to any restroom with a dryer, he would immediately go and tell the dryer "Hello Dryer, we will not use you. We will use tissues." and "Bye bye dryer" in the end.)
Is this true? Is this majic? Or is it just the power of an "option"??? I don't know the answer, but I bet Aditya does!
Today, we decided one of us had to go to Ikea and get some stuff in order to setup his Son Rise playroom. He over-heard the talk, and suggested he wanted to go, as Ikea is a place he likes, I guess, this is because he loves the Play Area there which has lots of sensory toys (e.g. things for sitting in and rotating, rocking on, jumping on, etc). Even as I knew this does not necessarily mean he is going to enjoy the "shopping" experience, we decided I would go with him today. We would avoid taking Shreya (his twin sister) to avoid conflicts ("should we do this now or that?")... instead Shreya would get special time at home with her mom.
The young man I saw today at Ikea was a different man from the last time we have been there. Without delay (as I am way too excited about this) I want to talk about the amazing things he did today.
1)
Last visit: I want to play (as soon as we entered IKEA)
Today: "If you want we can go play".
I say: "Yeah, I want to go to, right after we buy a rug here for your playroom"
Aditya: "Yeah, then if you want to go we can go play"
2)
Last visit: I want to eat Mac and Cheese (right after leaving the play area at IKEA)
Today: I am hungry (also after playing at IKEA)
3)
A year ago, on seeing a 6 month old baby: "Her hands are small and her feet are small too."
Today: "That's a small baby." .... AFTER A MINUTE... "She is cute!"
I am blown away, and ask: WHO IS CUTE?
Aditya: The Baby
4) Aditya: I shared the slide with the baby. Say YAAAAY. (I immediately say YAAAAY)
5) Aditya: Hey, this is a noisy place. Can we go? (I say "of course", and we get out of that particular section... then I realized I was hating that section too:-))
6) Aditya: (About our last visit) There were too many people in the family restroom so went in the triangle (men's) restroom. We did not use the dryer, we used tissues. (NOTE: Aditya is scared of dryers. He probably hates the sensation of a blast of hot air combined with the loud noise.)
I ask: That's right Aditya!
Aditya: So we will go to the triangle restroom and use the tissues.
I ask: Sure. You want to go now?
Aditya: Yes.
We go, and do our business as usual. A man uses the dryer as Aditya washes his hands. Aditya looks behind, then turns around and continues washing. The man continues to use the dryer. Aditya turns around again and says: "He is using the dryer."
(A year ago, he would scream and ask to be taken away from the dryer, if at all he entered a restroom with a dryer in it. On our last visit to any restroom with a dryer, he would immediately go and tell the dryer "Hello Dryer, we will not use you. We will use tissues." and "Bye bye dryer" in the end.)
Is this true? Is this majic? Or is it just the power of an "option"??? I don't know the answer, but I bet Aditya does!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Our first blogpost - SonRise for Autism
Hi!
I have been planning to create this blog for a long time now... but when something extremely fascinating is happening right before your eyes, you don't really feel like turning away to tell what you just saw!
Well, that's exactly what happened with us once we embarked on a "journey" (also known as his Son Rise program) with our 4 year old Aditya being in the driving seat. We never knew how well he could drive... until we gave him a chance! But once he did, it was so amazing I just wanted to soak it all in, not look away for a second!
Now... of course you know that I am not talking about his driving. I mean, he does ride his bike reaaaaally well, including the way he applies his brakes on a notice of a second. But in his life too, this little guy, perhaps since his birth, has basically been trying to figure out how to navigate a chaotic world that he has been immersed in. Why this happened to him... we still don't know about. I am talking about his autism, of course, when I say he feels as if he is at the center of "chaos".
Thus, the challenge for this little guy, ever since the age of 1, has been to figure out a way of operating in a world of people that demand "normal" and "compliant" behavior from him while exhibiting very unpredictable behavior themselves. This, while lights, fans, switches, legos, cars, trains, vacuum cleaners, and microwave ovens offer a highly predictable and hence a hundred times more appealing interface!
Before I get distracted and talk about his peculiar behaviors that always suggested something is different about him, I want to take a deep breath and remind myself that today... I want to talk about his journey "away" from his world "into" our world, that HE has begun.
Today is the time we want to celebrate and congratulate ourselves for having discovered a wonderful approach known as the Son Rise program which encouraged us to first take control in our hands (not in the hands of a school district or a therapist) and then hand it over to Aditya... for what we long for him is he knows how to drive in this world while also enjoying the view... much more than knowing how to follow a 4 step instruction from a therapist!
Having only spent 3 months in this program (and that too only under 10 hours a week), we are thrilled to see Aditya navigate his immediate surroundings with much greater comfort, exercise choices and make assertions, and talk about "people" in his play situations.
In fact, just today when we first called a lady who responded to our advertisement for volunteers, Aditya asked us who we were calling. "Someone named XXX " said we.
"Why you calling XXX?"
"She said she wants to come and play with you."
"With me?"
"Yes, you. Do you want her to play with you?"
"Yes!"
"You like people coming home to play with you?" (Note: we have a couple of volunteers now)
"Yes!"
....PAUSE....
Then comes the question: "Does she speak Marathi or English?"
"English" say we, "is that okay?"
"Yes! What's Marathi called in English?"
"It's called Mawratui" I say with a "put on" accent:-)
If you have a child with autism, you know how much this interaction means to me!
I feel grateful to the Kaufmans who chose to think originally and created the uniquely wonderful Son Rise program... but I am also grateful to Aditya for having shown me that happiness indeed is a choice!
Signing off for today,
Abhijit, an elated Dad!
I have been planning to create this blog for a long time now... but when something extremely fascinating is happening right before your eyes, you don't really feel like turning away to tell what you just saw!
Well, that's exactly what happened with us once we embarked on a "journey" (also known as his Son Rise program) with our 4 year old Aditya being in the driving seat. We never knew how well he could drive... until we gave him a chance! But once he did, it was so amazing I just wanted to soak it all in, not look away for a second!
Now... of course you know that I am not talking about his driving. I mean, he does ride his bike reaaaaally well, including the way he applies his brakes on a notice of a second. But in his life too, this little guy, perhaps since his birth, has basically been trying to figure out how to navigate a chaotic world that he has been immersed in. Why this happened to him... we still don't know about. I am talking about his autism, of course, when I say he feels as if he is at the center of "chaos".
Thus, the challenge for this little guy, ever since the age of 1, has been to figure out a way of operating in a world of people that demand "normal" and "compliant" behavior from him while exhibiting very unpredictable behavior themselves. This, while lights, fans, switches, legos, cars, trains, vacuum cleaners, and microwave ovens offer a highly predictable and hence a hundred times more appealing interface!
Before I get distracted and talk about his peculiar behaviors that always suggested something is different about him, I want to take a deep breath and remind myself that today... I want to talk about his journey "away" from his world "into" our world, that HE has begun.
Today is the time we want to celebrate and congratulate ourselves for having discovered a wonderful approach known as the Son Rise program which encouraged us to first take control in our hands (not in the hands of a school district or a therapist) and then hand it over to Aditya... for what we long for him is he knows how to drive in this world while also enjoying the view... much more than knowing how to follow a 4 step instruction from a therapist!
Having only spent 3 months in this program (and that too only under 10 hours a week), we are thrilled to see Aditya navigate his immediate surroundings with much greater comfort, exercise choices and make assertions, and talk about "people" in his play situations.
In fact, just today when we first called a lady who responded to our advertisement for volunteers, Aditya asked us who we were calling. "Someone named XXX " said we.
"Why you calling XXX?"
"She said she wants to come and play with you."
"With me?"
"Yes, you. Do you want her to play with you?"
"Yes!"
"You like people coming home to play with you?" (Note: we have a couple of volunteers now)
"Yes!"
....PAUSE....
Then comes the question: "Does she speak Marathi or English?"
"English" say we, "is that okay?"
"Yes! What's Marathi called in English?"
"It's called Mawratui" I say with a "put on" accent:-)
If you have a child with autism, you know how much this interaction means to me!
I feel grateful to the Kaufmans who chose to think originally and created the uniquely wonderful Son Rise program... but I am also grateful to Aditya for having shown me that happiness indeed is a choice!
Signing off for today,
Abhijit, an elated Dad!
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