This should be no surprise. Aditya fought valiantly this morning to win back the title he lost to me yesterday.
However, while we scored 22 and 21 goals on each other yesterday, today the end result was 10-9.
That's because Aditya was a lot more interested in dribbling and keeping the ball with him (and not just passing around the ball randomly). He attacked my goal a lot less. In one case, he waited a full 3 and a half minutes before he saw me leave my goal post unattended... then quickly turned that opportunity into a goal.
In the "post game interview", I did ask him if he knew why we had a low scoring game today, and he said exactly why: "I dribbled the ball more".
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Losing in a game of soccer!
This morning... least when we expected it... Aditya lost a game of soccer to Baba, who was leading 22-21 when Aditya (extremely motivated to tie the game and keep the championship) kicked the ball right past Baba. Baba tried in vain to stop the ball. The ball went right into the goal... but only a fraction of a second after the timer went off.
In that situation, several neurotypical children would argue that the ball went into the goal at the same time or even before the timer went off:-) But the sweet and honest guy that he is, he immediately said: "You won!" and then in a second, burst out into crying.
Of course, I cheered him tremendously, and gave him the runners up award, and thanked him for making this game so much fun. Nevertheless he continued to cry for a long time. Certainly an area to work on, while we continue to love and accept him for his need to cry as a way of taking care of himself.
Well done, Aditya. You have only lost one game today, but the way you valiantly fought and nearly scored that last goal... I am sure you will make a come back and win back the championship:-) By the way, I am finding it increasingly difficult to pretend losing to you!
In that situation, several neurotypical children would argue that the ball went into the goal at the same time or even before the timer went off:-) But the sweet and honest guy that he is, he immediately said: "You won!" and then in a second, burst out into crying.
Of course, I cheered him tremendously, and gave him the runners up award, and thanked him for making this game so much fun. Nevertheless he continued to cry for a long time. Certainly an area to work on, while we continue to love and accept him for his need to cry as a way of taking care of himself.
Well done, Aditya. You have only lost one game today, but the way you valiantly fought and nearly scored that last goal... I am sure you will make a come back and win back the championship:-) By the way, I am finding it increasingly difficult to pretend losing to you!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Will you be my friend?
Today afternoon, I had been to our local Trader Joe's with Aditya. He was my "Manager" and had written down the shopping list before we left home. As my manager, he was to read out the list and direct me to where I was supposed to look for the next item. As we entered the store, he announced that he was too tired to walk and that he would be my "sitting manager" for today :) So we began shopping, with my manager ordering me around.
As I reached the sampling area, I asked my manager for a coffee break. The TJ crew member at the sampling station today was a jolly and friendly lady, who we have known for some time now. I had been thinking about this for some time now and today I decided to go ahead and talk to her about our program and how she would make an awesome volunteer. As I reached into my purse for our flyer, an idea just struck me: How cool would it be if Aditya could approach her, instead of me! So as I was sipping coffee, I asked him how he felt if he would have another Son-Rise friend. (He knows that we have been looking for new team members for some time now. In fact, he had been asking me regularly if I was really trying my best to find a friend for him. He also periodically reminds me if I put ads on craigslist and sittercity.)
I enthusiastically asked him if he wanted to ask Ms. Demowoman to be his friend.
A: I don't think so .. how about you ask.
Mom: I could ask, but I think she might be more eager to play with you if you asked.
A: I don't think so.
Mom: Ok, if you say so. But I strongly feel that you asking might be a better idea, because she will see how cool a friend you can be!
A: I don't want to ask.
Mom: Thanks for telling me so clearly. I will not force you to ask. I will go talk to her, but I am curious as to why you are unwilling to ask.
A: Actually, I am scared. Scared that she will say no!
Mom: Wow! Thanks for sharing what you feel. You are a super friend to tell me how you feel. But why do you believe she would say no?
A: Because she is busy.
Mom: But we won't ask her to play now!
A: No, busy means she already works at Trader Joe's! So she won't have time to play with me.
Mom: That's great reasoning. But do you remember some of your friends who used to play with you after office hours and on the weekends?
A: Yes!
Mom: And if she cannot play, maybe she knows someone who has more time.
A: She could say No!
Mom: That's true, but she could also say YES! Remember when they had no stickers at TJ's last month. On the next visit, you were scared to ask for them. But when you actually did, they gave you 10 stickers. Just as with the stickers, it doesn't hurt to ask!
A: That's true, but I still don't want to.
With that, we proceeded with our shopping. As we were done with the last item, Aditya said, I want to try!
Mom: What do you want to try?
A: Try asking her to be my friend!
With a lot of cheering, we went upto her and waited for the people ahead of us to go away, so we could talk to her in private. (Yes, Aditya was able to WAIT for 2 minutes!)
Then Aditya asked her if she could be her friend. She said,"yes, lets be friends, cutie pie!" and gave him a big smile. Then I explained in brief about his autism and how far he has come. I also handed her a flyer. She read the tickles part, talked to him about it, took off her gloves and they had fun playing a game of tickles. She then told me that it wasn't a good time for her to something like this. We thanked her and proceeded to the checkout.
While waiting to reach the checkout, I spoke to Aditya about this experience and how he felt about her saying no. He told that he didn't really feel bad about it, but enjoyed the tickles just shared with her:) What an awesome opportunity to model it for him that it is the journey that we can enjoy, rather than being worried about the end result!
As I reached the sampling area, I asked my manager for a coffee break. The TJ crew member at the sampling station today was a jolly and friendly lady, who we have known for some time now. I had been thinking about this for some time now and today I decided to go ahead and talk to her about our program and how she would make an awesome volunteer. As I reached into my purse for our flyer, an idea just struck me: How cool would it be if Aditya could approach her, instead of me! So as I was sipping coffee, I asked him how he felt if he would have another Son-Rise friend. (He knows that we have been looking for new team members for some time now. In fact, he had been asking me regularly if I was really trying my best to find a friend for him. He also periodically reminds me if I put ads on craigslist and sittercity.)
I enthusiastically asked him if he wanted to ask Ms. Demowoman to be his friend.
A: I don't think so .. how about you ask.
Mom: I could ask, but I think she might be more eager to play with you if you asked.
A: I don't think so.
Mom: Ok, if you say so. But I strongly feel that you asking might be a better idea, because she will see how cool a friend you can be!
A: I don't want to ask.
Mom: Thanks for telling me so clearly. I will not force you to ask. I will go talk to her, but I am curious as to why you are unwilling to ask.
A: Actually, I am scared. Scared that she will say no!
Mom: Wow! Thanks for sharing what you feel. You are a super friend to tell me how you feel. But why do you believe she would say no?
A: Because she is busy.
Mom: But we won't ask her to play now!
A: No, busy means she already works at Trader Joe's! So she won't have time to play with me.
Mom: That's great reasoning. But do you remember some of your friends who used to play with you after office hours and on the weekends?
A: Yes!
Mom: And if she cannot play, maybe she knows someone who has more time.
A: She could say No!
Mom: That's true, but she could also say YES! Remember when they had no stickers at TJ's last month. On the next visit, you were scared to ask for them. But when you actually did, they gave you 10 stickers. Just as with the stickers, it doesn't hurt to ask!
A: That's true, but I still don't want to.
With that, we proceeded with our shopping. As we were done with the last item, Aditya said, I want to try!
Mom: What do you want to try?
A: Try asking her to be my friend!
With a lot of cheering, we went upto her and waited for the people ahead of us to go away, so we could talk to her in private. (Yes, Aditya was able to WAIT for 2 minutes!)
Then Aditya asked her if she could be her friend. She said,"yes, lets be friends, cutie pie!" and gave him a big smile. Then I explained in brief about his autism and how far he has come. I also handed her a flyer. She read the tickles part, talked to him about it, took off her gloves and they had fun playing a game of tickles. She then told me that it wasn't a good time for her to something like this. We thanked her and proceeded to the checkout.
While waiting to reach the checkout, I spoke to Aditya about this experience and how he felt about her saying no. He told that he didn't really feel bad about it, but enjoyed the tickles just shared with her:) What an awesome opportunity to model it for him that it is the journey that we can enjoy, rather than being worried about the end result!
Favorite sport? Soccer!
In late February or early March, we began inviting Aditya to play soccer. Usually, he would be reluctant, and would play a few minutes at the most, then ask for one of this favorite activities.
We kept working on this every day, along with other goals like helping him "opine" on things and state "preferences" spontaneously. Indeed, a lot of progress made on those goals, which we will soon capture in another blog post.
In the meantime... Aditya got hooked on to soccer. So much so, that Dad and Aditya now play soccer every morning. And when asked "what is your favorite sport", "Soccer" comes the answer!
Every morning after breakfast... Dad and Aditya come into the playroom and just go about setting up a goal post with a kids' writing desk, and another goal post between two green chairs, as if they are now "hard-wired" to play soccer first thing in the morning! No invitations required... Aditya WANTS to play soccer.
We usually play two sessions of 10 minutes with a half time in between. There is water/ tea sipped and "foot rubs" exchanged at half time. And some chatting too.
What happens during the play? A consistently improving soccer player Aditya is busy giving himself passes, then sending the ball flying into the goal! Often time Dad defends the goal post, only to find Aditya quickly take control of the ball again and give "himself" a pass, then go collect it, and come back again attacking on the goal.
Of course, he wins all games, but we have tied some games too, as this helps him be more flexible about "winning" and "losing"! (I suspect the time will soon be ripe for a game where he loses by 1 or 2 goals. )
And when he is trailing by even one goal, we get to see an extremely motivated Aditya who produces a special "goal" that leaves Dad defenseless. Sometimes, Dad does not even get to pretend not being able to save that goal from happening!
Clearly when we began we had to pretend losing a lot. Now... we still pretend.... but it is getting harder by the day. To the extent that we pretend to lose... it is only to give a 6 year old a level playing field... and no more because of Aditya's condition of autism or his motor delays.
Go Aditya! We continue to play Soccer with you, and have even begun inviting you to other "active" games like Cricket and Kick-ball, because we know... you can not just do it... you can beat us at it!
We kept working on this every day, along with other goals like helping him "opine" on things and state "preferences" spontaneously. Indeed, a lot of progress made on those goals, which we will soon capture in another blog post.
In the meantime... Aditya got hooked on to soccer. So much so, that Dad and Aditya now play soccer every morning. And when asked "what is your favorite sport", "Soccer" comes the answer!
Every morning after breakfast... Dad and Aditya come into the playroom and just go about setting up a goal post with a kids' writing desk, and another goal post between two green chairs, as if they are now "hard-wired" to play soccer first thing in the morning! No invitations required... Aditya WANTS to play soccer.
We usually play two sessions of 10 minutes with a half time in between. There is water/ tea sipped and "foot rubs" exchanged at half time. And some chatting too.
What happens during the play? A consistently improving soccer player Aditya is busy giving himself passes, then sending the ball flying into the goal! Often time Dad defends the goal post, only to find Aditya quickly take control of the ball again and give "himself" a pass, then go collect it, and come back again attacking on the goal.
Of course, he wins all games, but we have tied some games too, as this helps him be more flexible about "winning" and "losing"! (I suspect the time will soon be ripe for a game where he loses by 1 or 2 goals. )
And when he is trailing by even one goal, we get to see an extremely motivated Aditya who produces a special "goal" that leaves Dad defenseless. Sometimes, Dad does not even get to pretend not being able to save that goal from happening!
Clearly when we began we had to pretend losing a lot. Now... we still pretend.... but it is getting harder by the day. To the extent that we pretend to lose... it is only to give a 6 year old a level playing field... and no more because of Aditya's condition of autism or his motor delays.
Go Aditya! We continue to play Soccer with you, and have even begun inviting you to other "active" games like Cricket and Kick-ball, because we know... you can not just do it... you can beat us at it!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I want to be Stage 5!
Ever since we began doing dialogs with Aditya, it opened up a whole new world of possibilities for us. Turns out, he is very open to listening to us, and very interested in talking about how he feels.
In one dialog, I suggested to him how he can actually "nudge" his mind to think how he actually wants to think... for example, he could nudge his mind to say "I love life" than say "I want to die", or say "You will come back from office in the evening" instead of "You will come back after a month". He seemed very open to trying this, and as soon as he tried, he found he could indeed "nudge" his mind:-) We, of course, were elated to know he was so willing to examine his thoughts, and even change them. We followed with huge celebrations as we truly appreciate the leap that he is taking with this!
Then one day, Aditya found me eating a piece of chocolate. He even found me giving a tiny piece to his twin sister. Very interested in finding out when he can have it, he asked me that same question.
I was not prepared for this moment. But here it came, and instead of telling him "after 9 months" or something (because that's actually when we strongly believe he will get extremely close to "neuro typical") I blurted out: "when you have reached stage 5".
A: "What is stage 5?"
Me: "It is the last stage of our program. Do you know that we are doing the Son Rise program with you? "
A: "Yes"
Me: "Well, when we began this program you were more like in stage 2. Now, you are in stage 4. But we are sure you are going to be in stage 5 very soon".
A: "What stage are you?"
Me: "I am stage 5. I wasn't always. I was in stage 1 when I was a baby."
A: "I want to be stage 5".
**** Cheers, Hugs, Hi-5's, Celebrations!!! *****
A: "After I am in stage 5 can I eat cocoa?"
Me: "Yes".
A: "Why?"
Me: "Cocoa is actually good for health except for some people it creates the noise. That's why I don't want to give you cocoa right now. Cocoa won't help you move up to stage 5, and I know you want to be in stage 5. "
That chat was one of the most meaningful conversations I have ever had with A.
What's even better.... since that conversation... A is making a conscious attempt at "moving up to" stage 5!
He is "nudging" his mind and telling us proudly about it. As a result we have fewer (actually, WAAAY fewer) instances of feeling clueless about what is going on in his mind when he says "I don't want to grow" .... because more often than not he now "nudges" his mind and then says something more like: "I want to grow, but I am worried I am not growing quickly (enough to catch up with my twin sister)."
In one dialog, I suggested to him how he can actually "nudge" his mind to think how he actually wants to think... for example, he could nudge his mind to say "I love life" than say "I want to die", or say "You will come back from office in the evening" instead of "You will come back after a month". He seemed very open to trying this, and as soon as he tried, he found he could indeed "nudge" his mind:-) We, of course, were elated to know he was so willing to examine his thoughts, and even change them. We followed with huge celebrations as we truly appreciate the leap that he is taking with this!
Then one day, Aditya found me eating a piece of chocolate. He even found me giving a tiny piece to his twin sister. Very interested in finding out when he can have it, he asked me that same question.
I was not prepared for this moment. But here it came, and instead of telling him "after 9 months" or something (because that's actually when we strongly believe he will get extremely close to "neuro typical") I blurted out: "when you have reached stage 5".
A: "What is stage 5?"
Me: "It is the last stage of our program. Do you know that we are doing the Son Rise program with you? "
A: "Yes"
Me: "Well, when we began this program you were more like in stage 2. Now, you are in stage 4. But we are sure you are going to be in stage 5 very soon".
A: "What stage are you?"
Me: "I am stage 5. I wasn't always. I was in stage 1 when I was a baby."
A: "I want to be stage 5".
**** Cheers, Hugs, Hi-5's, Celebrations!!! *****
A: "After I am in stage 5 can I eat cocoa?"
Me: "Yes".
A: "Why?"
Me: "Cocoa is actually good for health except for some people it creates the noise. That's why I don't want to give you cocoa right now. Cocoa won't help you move up to stage 5, and I know you want to be in stage 5. "
That chat was one of the most meaningful conversations I have ever had with A.
What's even better.... since that conversation... A is making a conscious attempt at "moving up to" stage 5!
He is "nudging" his mind and telling us proudly about it. As a result we have fewer (actually, WAAAY fewer) instances of feeling clueless about what is going on in his mind when he says "I don't want to grow" .... because more often than not he now "nudges" his mind and then says something more like: "I want to grow, but I am worried I am not growing quickly (enough to catch up with my twin sister)."
Monday, April 11, 2011
My mind is not functioning well, and I want to change it
One of the things we just began doing with Aditya (thanks to Mommy's Maximum Impact training) is to have a dialog with him about how he feels and why he feels that way.
Today, we were discussing why he said "I say I don't want something when I want something but I think I won't get it" when we were at the park last week.
He replied using English: "Can I tell you why I said that? I think my mind says that to me. I think my mind is not functioning well."
"That's okay Aditya, but we are so proud for you. You are so aware of how you feel!" I said as I was awe-struck! We had no clue he was thinking this way.
"I really want the noise to reduce, and I want my mind to say things correctly" he continued.
With lots of pride and excitement I replied: "Yes, you are going to do it Aditya. One day you will not feel any of the noise, and when that happens your mind will also say things just as you really want them".
"Yes, I want to play with my friends everyday so that the noise goes away."
Today, we were discussing why he said "I say I don't want something when I want something but I think I won't get it" when we were at the park last week.
He replied using English: "Can I tell you why I said that? I think my mind says that to me. I think my mind is not functioning well."
"That's okay Aditya, but we are so proud for you. You are so aware of how you feel!" I said as I was awe-struck! We had no clue he was thinking this way.
"I really want the noise to reduce, and I want my mind to say things correctly" he continued.
With lots of pride and excitement I replied: "Yes, you are going to do it Aditya. One day you will not feel any of the noise, and when that happens your mind will also say things just as you really want them".
"Yes, I want to play with my friends everyday so that the noise goes away."
Will you accept me? I say "I don't want something when I want something but do not get it"
Last week was one of the most memorable weeks of each of our lives. Aai (Mommy) went and attended the week long "Maximum Impact" advanced training program at the Option Institute in Sheffield, MA. I am sure she learned a lot over there, all while having lots of fun.
Back at home, it was DaMmy (how my daughter dubbed my double role of Daddy and Mommy) and the twins, spending six awesome days and nights together!
On one of those days, we went to Happy Hollow Park and Zoo. This is not a highly recommended thing to do with a child with autism, as it can be very overwhelming, noisy, over-crowded, and unpredictable in a place such as a zoo or a park with rides. I still went with them, as it was a bright and sunny day, and no volunteers slated to come home to play with Aditya.
Must say Aditya did well in general, picking up on his lost touch with riding and climbing! He had a tough time waiting in lines though, and could not figure out why sister wanted to spend MINUTES petting a goat? (Interestingly, he did pet the goat after watching her and protesting to leave for 5 minutes.)
Anyways, back to the rides where there was always a wait of a few minutes, but not more than 10 minutes, as it was a week day.
"I don't want to go on this ride" was his response every minute that he could see he was having to wait in the line. "The ride will never start" was his response when he did finally sit in the ride, but everyone else was still getting ready and fastening their belts. "We will stay in the petting zoo forever" he said when sister was busy petting the goat and not willing to leave the place so we could get on one of the rides.
At one point he had a real melt down and began crying. It was definitely a reality check for me.... I did not go there with him to put him under so much stress. (Often a point others do not understand when they question why we do not take our son out to do things any 6 year old would love to do!)
However, a few minutes into his melt down, he said the most mind-blowing of things he has ever said to me.
"When I say I don't want something I mean to say I want it but that I don't think I will get it." He said in clear English, still crying. Then he asked: "Will you accept me saying it?"
I was touched, and could not help but feel moist in my eyes. And yet, I felt incredibly proud about him!
Back at home, it was DaMmy (how my daughter dubbed my double role of Daddy and Mommy) and the twins, spending six awesome days and nights together!
On one of those days, we went to Happy Hollow Park and Zoo. This is not a highly recommended thing to do with a child with autism, as it can be very overwhelming, noisy, over-crowded, and unpredictable in a place such as a zoo or a park with rides. I still went with them, as it was a bright and sunny day, and no volunteers slated to come home to play with Aditya.
Must say Aditya did well in general, picking up on his lost touch with riding and climbing! He had a tough time waiting in lines though, and could not figure out why sister wanted to spend MINUTES petting a goat? (Interestingly, he did pet the goat after watching her and protesting to leave for 5 minutes.)
Anyways, back to the rides where there was always a wait of a few minutes, but not more than 10 minutes, as it was a week day.
"I don't want to go on this ride" was his response every minute that he could see he was having to wait in the line. "The ride will never start" was his response when he did finally sit in the ride, but everyone else was still getting ready and fastening their belts. "We will stay in the petting zoo forever" he said when sister was busy petting the goat and not willing to leave the place so we could get on one of the rides.
At one point he had a real melt down and began crying. It was definitely a reality check for me.... I did not go there with him to put him under so much stress. (Often a point others do not understand when they question why we do not take our son out to do things any 6 year old would love to do!)
However, a few minutes into his melt down, he said the most mind-blowing of things he has ever said to me.
"When I say I don't want something I mean to say I want it but that I don't think I will get it." He said in clear English, still crying. Then he asked: "Will you accept me saying it?"
I was touched, and could not help but feel moist in my eyes. And yet, I felt incredibly proud about him!
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