During our trip to "Son Rise House", we came to realize that Aditya actually had lots of anxiety around using restrooms (toilets) at any place except his. It was quite stunning to see this, as he has been toilet trained since he was 2.5 years old. He resisted using the restroom attached to his playroom in the Son Rise House. He resisted going in the airplane for 6 hours, and then at the airport as well. He even skipped his meal during flight so he would not have to go. On another note, he had not used the restroom in school... ever!
So when we came back, we knew we had to make using the toilet a fun, interesting, and rewarding experience. We began by announcing that we would be handing out stickers to anyone who uses the toilet without leaving their pants "outside" the toilet. (This really was most likely why Aditya would not use the restroom in a place like school... leaving his pants outside was too embarassing, but he probably did not know any other way either.)
It was sister who won the first several points (i.e. got lots of stickers) with ease. This was great, because sibling rivalry was soon at play. Aditya responded to the challenge soon and figured out how to not leave his pants outside.
Over the next few days, we celebrated the kids for taking care of their bodies... as they tried using the restroom on time, before going to bed, before going out, etc.
We also introduced some interesting new rules for winning stickers. For one, we announced that we were going to keep a score instead of handing so many stickers everyday. One point would earn them 1 cent. Whatever their total score on their next birthday, they would get those many cents to keep in their piggy bank.
"Trying to go" would earn them 1 point. "Going successfully" got them 2 points. We also proposed that using the restroom at a place other than their own home (e.g. a friend's house) would earn them 3 points. At a restaurant, they would earn 4 points for trying to pee and 8 for doing it with success. For using the restroom for responding to the "biggest" nature call... at an outside place (like a restaurant)... they would get 8 points for trying and 16 for actually going. Finally... if they went in school, they would earn 25 points flat.
(The rules evolved as Aditya has responded to each additional twist with a renewed desire to be the top scorer!)
During our thanksgiving break, we took the kids on a train ride to San Francisco, and Aditya was already at ease using the restroom in different places (but on one occasion even holding it on MY request because there was no restroom there!)
But the climax was reached last week when Aditya announced he wanted to "explore" the class restroom with his class aide Mr Bob. He did, and earned 10 points for exploring! 2 days later, he went to the restroom again with his Mom who was aiding in class that day... and blushed when we awarded him 25 points as promised.
Then... on last Friday when I went to pick him up at school, he had a huge smile on his face as he announced that he had earned another 25... this time going with another boy in his class!
One of the really cool side effects of this has been that he is now a lot more relaxed around restrooms in general.
A bonus has been his willingness to try out the "hand dryer" again. Sometimes, he is even willing to try an especially loud or unpredictable (i.e. one that seems to start suddenly when someone is around) dryer.
Just this weekend, we went to the Amber India restaurant that we love, but where Aditya used to be absolutely paranoid about the unpredictable and loud hand dryer. This time around, he allowed me to use that dryer (this I have been asking him permission for, and even doing it with a smile on my face so he knows it does not hurt... that in fact I find it fun). But then when was I done using it, he said he would like to try!
He... was using... the hand dryer... at Amber! I mean, the dryer in that restroom has been a constant source of anxiety for him ever since we remember.
I was so elated that I announced a reward of 100 points flat.
The victory over the Amber India dryer is more than symbolic. This is a boy who is anxious as a rule around places and things he does not know. We think that his willingness to try the loudest and unpredictable-lest dryer of them all... is a sign of him starting to enjoy life without constantly being in a "flight or fight" state of mind!
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