As we neared the winter break, our family began thinking of ways to spend our time doing what we loved. Both kids unanimously voted to have a staycation. When further prodded, we realized that they just wanted to laze around and take it easy. They argued that it was the best way to take care of themselves! Aai and Baba love driving to So Cal this time of the year, as they miss warm weather. Over the years, we have visited most places between San Luis Obispo and San Diego multiple times. We needed to take care of ourselves too!
So we reached a compromise and decided to laze around for a few days and visit Santa Barbara for the rest. After all, the weather promised to be gorgeous!
As I excitedly told a friend about our vacation, she wondered how we had taken all these vacations, while still running the SonRise program. Wasn't it against the SonRise Principles to get the child out of the playroom? What we understand and believe is a little different, hence this post.
Taking care of a family with two little kids, having a job, volunteering at school, recruiting volunteers, giving them weekly feedback, doing dialogues, having a special diet is fun but exhausting. We realized early on that we were in this for the long haul. We had to be in the best of health, physical and mental, to go to the finish line. This meant making 'taking care of ourselves' our highest priority. When we were happy, rested and rejuvenated, we were better equipped to care for our kids and each other.
Some of the more important things we focussed on were:
1. Letting one spouse take some time off to do something they loved. Those few hours, would be free of autism worries, so research, talking to other parents about SonRise, diet, etc was off limits. This gave us a chance to connect to ourselves. Also, after a few hours away from the problem, we might just come back with a fresh perspective.
2. Couple time. We often paid our volunteers to babysit so we could go out for dinner and/or a movie. Though challenging initially, we were determined to talk to each other about anything but autism. The weeks when we did not go out, we caught up on movies at home after the kids went to bed.
3. We also did a lot of Option process dialogues with each other, to help us explore our mental blocks and fears. These were not always related to SonRise but to us, as individuals.
4. We did our best to do one-on-one time with our daughter every weekend. She either got 1:1 playtime from mom/dad or we went out to a place of her choice. It ranged from going to a bookstore or library to an ice cream shop or the park. The important part was that she got undivided attention from the parent she was with. There were times both parents played with her while brother was in the playroom with a volunteer. She still fondly remembers these occasions when she felt like an only child... what a privilege! For the record, she still LOVES these "only child" times when she gets to walk to the nearby Trader Joe's with both parents giving her their undivided attention while brother takes his guitar lessons
5. Doing the SonRise program helped us understand the situations which were not conducive to Aditya's growth. So we avoided taking him to places that were not absolutely necessary, like grocery stores, malls, get-togethers, birthday parties and such social events.
BUT..
We took him outdoors, like biking, on walks, hikes, to the park or even the zoo! We found times when the places were almost empty, like the parks on Sunday mornings, the zoo on weekday afternoons, biking late in the afternoon. Our motivation in taking him out was to give him an opportunity to: enjoy the outdoors, appreciate the beauty of nature, exercise, acquaint himself with equipment we could not provide him at home (like the climbing wall, play structure). He also had the opportunity to interact with a couple kids who might be around and put to use the skills he learnt in the playroom, if he so wished! Doing these at times when these places (which are otherwise overwhelming) are calm, helped him feel more in control, as he had just one challenge to work on at a time. eg, there were just a few kids when we visited the zoo at 3pm. Most young families who come to the zoo in the morning are done by then. So we did not have to encounter screaming toddlers, kids who chased each other, yelling adults and a cacophony of sounds too overwhelming for him. Handling the smell in the zoo was a sensory challenge in itself. Trying out new equipment in the giant play structure nestled in the redwoods with slides, swings, ropes and climbing areas was a new experience. Once he started feeling successful, he showed more willingness to try other things. He also had an opportunity to practice some precious lessons in turn taking, since sister had her list of things to do. Where would I be without my best friend, the timer, on such occasions :)
6. Like I mentioned earlier, we took many family vacations. We would have loved to take vacations with family or friends, but that was not the right thing considering our family needs at the time.
Our trips were always within driving distance and we carried/ made all our meals. We enjoyed listening to audio books together. These were the predictable parts of the vacation. To make it easier at the destination, we took vacations with a very flexible itinerary. Along with doing something unique to the place, we visited familiar locations like the beach, hiking trails, parks and oh yes, Zoos! (On these trips, we saw a much calmer and well adjusted boy because he had exercised those social muscles before!)
We wanted it to be a very positive experience for every member of the family, so
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
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